Children are diagnosed with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc., why do parents learn to self-family therapy?

Sunny day psychology He Rihui

2024-05-20 13:49Posted in Guangdong Psychiatrist

01. Many parents don't realize that parents are the medicine that accelerates their children's recovery

When your child starts to get bored with school, resists school, or feels uncomfortable as soon as they start school, it is likely to be a precursor to depression, bipolar disorder, or even schizophrenia or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)!

Some parents are very responsive. They are keenly aware of the mental and psychological problems behind this, and grasp the best time, whether it is to take the child to a psychologist or psychiatrist, or use other methods to solve the problem in time. The child quickly returned to learning.

But more parents initially think that there is something wrong with their child's learning attitude, and even feel that the child is uncomfortable. They urge the child to adjust to his learning state, and even put pressure on him. It wasn't until the child really couldn't hold on anymore and refused to go to school for anything, or even lay down and had to suspend school, that the parents realized the seriousness of the problem.

Of course, there are also some children who have been diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder and other mental and psychological disorders, and only then have obvious learning disabilities and cannot continue to go to school.

Whatever the case may be, a child's suspension from school can be like a bolt from the blue for parents!

The parents were anxious, "Since you are sick, then find a doctor, the best doctor". Once parents learn which hospital or doctor is very good, they will take their children to see them in a hurry, even if they travel all the way to Beijing or Shanghai, and they will not let go of any hope.

However, the parents soon discovered that they had gone to the top psychiatric hospital in China and found an authoritative psychiatrist, but the child still could not recover smoothly. Medication cannot solve all problems, especially the symptoms of low motivation in study and life.

Some parents will also send their children to psychological counseling/psychotherapy, and their children may also ask for this on their own. They are likely to have high expectations for counselling/psychotherapy at first, but soon find that this still doesn't solve the problem, and the child goes a few times and never wants to go again.

If some children accept the psychoanalytic school, they may become hostile to their parents, believing that their parents are the fault of their illness, and they will not be able to express their parents' suffering.

It doesn't work to take medicine, and it doesn't work to find a psychiatrist, and my parents are really confused. Children follow their parents to seek medical treatment everywhere, and if they are not cured for a long time, they often have lost confidence. When their parents again said that they would take them to a good doctor, they didn't believe it at all and didn't want to go. The family was in despair and didn't know what to do.

In the early stages of their child's illness, many parents have experienced the above situation. They don't know what method is suitable for their children, and they don't have the consciousness to understand the relevant knowledge, and they think that mental and psychological disorders are just like other common diseases, and they just need to leave their children's diseases to doctors and psychologists for treatment.

When many parents later looked back on this period, they found that they were actually "sick and rushed to the doctor", took a lot of detours, stepped on a lot of pits, and some were even deceived.

And after such a toss, more than half of the off-semester has passed, but the child is still completely unable to study. If it drags on any longer, the child is likely to fail to return to school and suffer another heavy blow. If the child is separated from learning for longer and longer, it is likely that the child may even seriously deviate from the normal growth track, which will have a great negative impact on his or her life.

Therefore, if your child has just been diagnosed with depression or bipolar disorder, please do not rush to the doctor, calm down first and understand what the parents of the patient should do in this situation.

If you have taken your child to see many doctors and tried many methods but none of them are ideal, it is even more important to slow down and think about what the problem is, and stop running around like a headless fly.

On the whole, if the child has been diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other mental and psychological disorders, and is suspended from school, psychiatric medication can be used to control the condition first. If the child is really reluctant to take medicine and the risk of suicide is not high, then parents can discuss with the child the period of self-adjustment, and if there are some serious conditions, such as suicide or psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions, then take medicine.

At the same time, parents should not blindly seek medical treatment, and do not think that finding a better specialist will cure the child. Parents should also not expect too much from the counselling/therapy available.

When a child is sick, parents should not always pin their hopes on others and the outside world, but realize that parents themselves are a very important resource.

If parents can take the initiative to learn accurate psychiatric and psychological knowledge, arm their brains with efficient knowledge, deeply self-reflect, change and improve, and carry out effective "self-family therapy", children can speed up their recovery, especially to achieve what is difficult to achieve with drugs: restoring motivation and confidence in life and learning.

Why? Here's an in-depth analysis.

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02. If the child is sick, it means that there is a problem with the entire family system

A large part of the real causes of psychopsychological disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia come from the negative factors of the family of origin.

To put it bluntly, when a child is sick, it often has a lot to do with the improper parenting method of the parents, and even the whole family system has problems.

For example, parents hope that their children will become adults in the future, but find that the social competition is fierce, so parents are overly anxious and blindly chicken, and if the child does not meet the performance requirements, the parents will reprimand, belittle, and even beat and scold. Children are forced to study from an early age and will soon become bored with learning.

Some parents and their children are not close enough to their parents, often ignoring their children's inner feelings and emotional appeals, and their children feel lonely and depressed;

Some parents have problems with their relationship as husband and wife, and they may quarrel in front of their children, or even say to their children, "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced a long time ago", and the children will feel guilty......

The specific psychological trauma from the family of origin suffered by different patients is different, and it is difficult to list them all here.

From the perspective of precision psychiatric psychology, these superimposed psychological traumas form a large number of pathological memories, and pathological memories are the main source of psychiatric and psychological problems.

General psychological problems, serious psychological problems, psychological disorders, mental disorders, and severe mental disorders (that is, what the public calls "severe mental illness", such as bipolar disorder) are actually the process of quantitative change from quantitative to qualitative change in the quantity of pathological memory.

That is to say, of course, the vast majority of parents love their children, and the starting point of education is good, but because they do not master the real scientific method, they inadvertently cause a lot of superimposed psychological trauma to their children and bury the root of the disease!

Moreover, the improper family education style of parents may be "inherited" from generation to generation of the original family, and the family atmosphere in which several generations have grown up is unfavorable. In addition to the child, the parents themselves or relatives in the family may also suffer from mental disorders.

I hope that parents can be deeply aware of this, self-reflect, change, and improve in time, and cut off the negative impact of generations of original families.

When the child has recovered and has a future generation, parents and children have mastered the real scientific family education method, and the next generation of children will be able to profit from this and become better adults.

It is said online that it takes three generations of effort to cultivate a nobleman. In fact, it takes the efforts of three generations to cultivate a talent who is truly mentally and physically healthy and contributes to society. On the other hand, if this generation of children has a mental and psychological disorder, it means that there may be problems with the family education methods of the previous three generations.

03. "Self-family therapy" can greatly alleviate the condition and help children return to school

If parents know how to self-reflect, change and improve, and effectively carry out "self-family therapy", this can not only prevent the deterioration of the child's condition, but also solve some of the root causes of the disease.

According to the above analysis, the main cause of depression, bipolar disorder, and even schizophrenia is actually the formation of a large number of pathological memories in children. A large part of this comes from parents' inappropriate homeschooling methods.

These pathological memories are like wounds on a child's body, and the more wounds there are, the worse the disease. Therefore, parents should immediately stop using the old family education method and stop inadvertently stabbing wounds on their children. At the very least, give your child a chance to catch his breath and avoid worsening his condition.

Some parents still can't help but criticize and blame their children, put forward excessive requirements for their children, and even have serious parent-child conflicts. If the child's old injury is not healed, and new injuries are added, the condition will naturally come and go, and it will not be able to truly recover.

Of course, many parents are already aware of this. After the child is sick and stays at home, the parents dare not come out, and most of the things are accommodating to the child, which also greatly reduces the requirements for the child's study and life schedule.

Some children sleep during the day and play games all night at night, black and white are reversed, and they often spend their parents' money to buy things online. In the case of "no new injuries" of the parents, the child's emotional symptoms will improve to a certain extent, and they will be more stable than before the parents changed.

However, many children stop there, still unable to return to normal life, and even have a "lying flat" mentality, hiding in their comfort zone and refusing to come out.

At this time, parents can't blindly believe in the so-called "waiting for the flowers to bloom" and do nothing. Parents should go one step further and find ways to help their children "heal old wounds", such as increasing efforts to improve parent-child relationships and family relationships, and using the three-step process of "empathy, listening, and positive guidance" to find and repair children's pathological memories, especially superimposed psychological trauma, and enter the child's heart to help the child further recover.

Recently, we shared an article written by a father who is depressed, and he used this method to help his child gradually return to school from not being able to go to school at all.

04. Parents can reverse their own personality abnormalities and drive children to change positively

Many parents have personality abnormalities that they don't realize. After a child is sick, if parents have a deep self-reflection, it will help to reverse their personality abnormalities and lead the child to strengthen his awareness and ability of self-reflection.

Some parents, especially fathers, are very capable and successful in their careers, but they are also prone to conceit, paranoid personality changes, and may even reach the level of paranoid personality disorder.

This part of the parents in the family is self-righteous, obstinate, does not listen to the reasonable suggestions of the family, always thinks that they are right, and will blindly demand that their children must obey their own ideas. This simple and crude way has caused a lot of psychological damage to the child.

When their children are just sick or suspended from school, these parents still do not realize that there is a problem with their own education methods, but try their best to use resources to find the best psychiatrists and psychologists for their children.

But when they can't solve the problem with all their best efforts and resources, it is possible for them to have a sense of self-reflection and look for the cause of their child's illness from themselves, rather than always attributing it externally. At this time, his personality abnormalities can be alleviated to a certain extent.

This change is good for the parents themselves, and it is even more positive for the children. Because many sick children have suffered from a large number of pathological memories and are subtly influenced by their parents, they also have certain personality abnormalities, lack of self-reflection awareness and ability, and are more paranoid. This will interact with the disease, forming a vicious circle, and even lead to the child's behavior out of line and suffering "social death".

If parents can lead by example, truly know how to self-reflect, and find a way to reverse personality abnormalities, it will naturally be easier to bring positive changes to their children.

I've shared my experience before. Since I was a top student and suffered a lot of superimposed psychological trauma, I also had paranoid personality disorders. I didn't take medication or go through counseling/psychotherapy, but I was able to reverse my personality abnormality.

I'm 50 years old now, but I still don't have the courage to admit my shortcomings and keep changing. For the sake of their children, parents should have the courage to reflect on themselves and face their own shortcomings.

If parents are obsessed with it again and again, and continue to cause psychological damage to their children, when the children commit suicide in great pain, no amount of reflection can be recovered!

Nowadays, the younger age of depression and bipolar disorder is becoming more and more obvious, and the child psychiatric department is crowded with small patients, and many children have mental and psychological disorders in elementary and junior high school, and parents are very broken and unable to accept it.

On the one hand, this shows that the child suffers from a lot of pathological memory, and the time point from quantitative change to qualitative change comes sooner. Their parents really have to learn from the pain!

But on the other hand, it is not a bad thing for children to develop mental and psychological problems at an early age. The younger the child, the stronger the plasticity of the spiritual, psychological and personality skills. If parents can self-reflect, change and improve in time, their children will be able to return to the right track of growth earlier and have more time to realize the value of life.

Some children look good on the surface, and they are "other people's children" all the way, but in fact, there has always been a "thunder" of mental and psychological problems at the level of their implicit memory. If they encounter some stressful events, it is likely that there will be a sudden explosion and tragedy. For example, Coco Li, a generation of divas, suddenly committed suicide, and Chen Liren, a Google engineer who graduated from Tsinghua University, violently killed his wife, and so on.

Parents have three roles for their children: "birth", "raising", and "teaching". For today's parents, "birth" and "raising" are not difficult, and "teaching" is the real challenge. Many parents lament that today's children are difficult to teach, but in fact, the biggest reason is often not in the children, but in the parents.

I hope that parents will no longer have a fluke mentality, stop blindly attributing, and do not blame themselves excessively, but truly understand the meaning and significance of self-reflection.

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