The 2023 new good dad standard is out, how can you become a good dad?
"Dad, if you don't play with me anymore, I'll grow up."
A sentence written by the child in the composition stung the hearts of countless fathers:
Many families are now on the path of "widowed" parenting, with mothers taking over full-time and fathers disappearing into homeschooling.
American psychologists have found that 20% of a person's achievements depend on his own acquired efforts, and 80% depends on his father.
For children, parents play a different educational role.
In the relationship with the mother, the child will become delicate and understanding, and in the relationship with the father, the child will become brave and confident with the outside world.
Indispensable.
But how exactly do you become a good dad?
Some time ago, People's Daily gave ten suggestions,
It is highly recommended that dads learn deeply, and moms transfer to dads to learn.
01
Be a playful father
Child psychologist Piaget said:
"Play is a tool for children to understand the world and develop their learning ability, and play is essentially an intellectual activity."
A father and daughter, with 100 yuan and a violin, drove from Changsha to Dongjiang Lake in Chenzhou City.
If the money runs out, prepare to play the violin and sell the art.
Halfway there, the money ran out. The father took his daughter fishing, digging wild vegetables, and then selling them at the local wet market.
To attract customers, the daughter also played the violin in front of the stall.
The first thing to do when you return to your room at night is to wash your sweat-soaked clothes, dip yourself in bed and sleep, and update your social platform the next day.
She often encouraged her father: "As long as we are together, there is nothing to be afraid of." ”
"When I first set off, I was thinking, what can 100 yuan do? Another 7 days? Looking back, it was an unforgettable experience and a taste of the hardships of making money. ”
During that time, Tian Tian had many experiences that could not be found at home and in textbooks.
"When I encountered uphill roads and difficult mountain roads, and when I was too tired to step on, I had the idea of giving up. But every time I look back, I see Tian Tian pedaling my bike hard behind me, and cheering me on. I feel that most of the time it is my daughter who accompanies and takes care of me, and I can't do without her. ”
During this journey of mutual companionship, father and daughter not only deepened their understanding and relationship with each other, but also forged a stronger connection.
02
Be a learning father
"The father is a unique being and has a special power to raise children."
The learning atmosphere of the family is also one of the factors that affect children's exploration of knowledge.
Yang Yinhang, the father of "talented female writer" Yang Wei, has a crucial impact on his daughter's career development.
He is a Master of Laws, deputy editor-in-chief and university teacher of Declaration. Yang Wei's impression of the father:
"Speaking reasonably, exporting into chapters, the comments of the "Declaration" one after another, the mighty and loud sound."
She adored her, but her father only told her:
"I have a poetry and book atmosphere, and I have no secret to writing articles, just read more books and read good books."
So Yang Wei has also been very interested in books since she was a child, and her father will quietly put down her favorite books on the table, and if Yang Wei forgets to read, he will take them away.
Later, Yang Wei developed the habit of reading:
"If I don't read books, I always feel that a week has passed for nothing."
Yang Wei became a highly acclaimed literary writer in modern Chinese history, and his father Yang Yinhang played a large part of the role.
03
Be a stoic father
Fathers often represent strength, wisdom, authority, and every move deeply affects children.
There is a friend who often takes his children to outdoor sports such as cycling and running during the holidays.
At first, the son could not even breathe for 1 km,
Friends use words to encourage children while inspiring children with practical actions,
Every time I exercise, even if I feel that my physical strength has reached the limit, I will stick to it.
This habit has been maintained for more than two years, and now he and his son can cycle 70 or 80 kilometers back and forth to the city for outings, and can also run a marathon of more than 10 kilometers.
Both of them lost weight several times.
Once asked if exercise was painful, he said:
"It was painful at first, but it was good to endure that period like my dad."
You see
Don't face your child empty-handed.
Even if it's a small thing, you're the big hero in their hearts.
04
Be a crouched father
The father Xia Donghai in the TV series "Family with Children" is still the most popular father in the audience's hearts after many years.
He can not only establish majesty in front of the child, but also "bow" to the child when he does something wrong:
"Dad was in a bad mood this morning and shouldn't have spilled his anger on your heads, so he specially came to apologize to you."
The reason why Xia Donghai can take a step back is because he sees himself and the child as the same position and are equal.
I don't think that the role of "father" is "authority" from above.
Bend down and let the child know that parents are not perfect and make mistakes,
All people in this family are equal.
05
Be an empathetic father
Most people feel that the father is the pillar of the family and the main source of expenses, so the education of children falls on the mother.
Most dads can handle interpersonal relationships at work with ease outside the home.
When there is a contradiction in the parent-child relationship, it hides far away.
In adolescent boys, the guidance of the father is compared with the mother's, which is a thousand sentences.
Most importantly,
No matter how tired the work is, it is not a reason to shirk the position of "father".
It is not only responsible for the children, responsible for the family, but also the pressure sharing for the wife to discipline the children.
Everyone plays many roles in their lives, and "father" should not be just a title.
06
Be a humble father
Don't see your child's world and ideas through adult eyes.
Mock the son for wanting to be Ultraman is too naïve, and the daughter is too dreamy to be the little princess in a fairy tale.
For children, the cruelest thing is not that they have not met a fairy tale, but the moment when a fairy tale is broken.
Every adult, when he was a child, wanted to be the person he wanted to be.
The careful wish to protect the child is also to protect the young self in parallel time and space.
The modesty of parents is also reflected in the fact that when children are frustrated, they do not need to ridicule to strike.
Like what
When tutoring homework, the child does not say the correct answer,
After the test results, the score did not reach the ideal state,
Sarcastic children:
"This kind of question, I will read it once when I was a child"
"Do you still need to be taught by a teacher for this kind of question?"
"You've only scored 60 points, and whoever has scored 70 points. How hard can this be? ”
The times are progressing, and the knowledge taught in the school is also being updated, do not use your own experience standards to demand children.
07
Be a reasonable father
Psychologist Adler said: "Confrontation with children will only fail, you can never win against children, let alone cultivate their spirit of cooperation through confrontation." ”
Most children disagree with their parents, and the words they hear the most are:
"Do you know more or do I know more?"
"I'm your dad, you have to listen to me"
"What is the truth, I am the truth"
Speaking of which, parents also feel that they are forced to helpless, and they can't manage their children without putting some "cruel words".
In fact, these words not only cannot convince the child, but also make the child feel that the parents are arrogant and cannot understand themselves.
The real truth should help children analyze according to specific things,
It is not for the child to listen to his own opinion, to put pressure on him.
08
Be a "non-absent" father
The survey revealed:
50% of dads spend less than 1 hour interacting with their children in a day;
More than 30% of fathers are so busy with work that they have no time to take care of their children's education;
More than 20% of dads don't think it's important to spend time with their children.
Devi Elkinder once said:
"What children want most to feel morality is that they are the most important thing to their parents, and they are always surrounded by love."
A child can grow up happily in the arms of his mother, but he can have firm security under the arms of his father.
The long-term absence of the father during the growth period will not only alienate the parent-child relationship, but also make the child have no self-confidence and confidence.
A child has the most perfect education, not from top resources, expensive tuition,
It is in the moment when it is necessary to grow up, not only the mother is there, but also the father.
Having a father who is not absent is the strongest competitiveness for children.
09
7 things dads can do with their kids
Fathers playing with their children can use another perspective to make children think differently about the world.
According to surveys,
Children who are often brought by their fathers to play are braver, more confident and determined, and when they encounter difficulties, they are more optimistic than children whose fathers have been absent for a long time.
Participate more in the child's life, meet adventures in the company, and complete the upgrade.
The father's company is the courage of the child to explore the world.
10
7 words that dads should never say to their children
Never underestimate how powerful a parent's words are in front of their children.
It can silence cheerful children and make children with low self-esteem scrappy.
If a child makes a mistake, do not speak with emotions, but about the thing itself.
If the child is confused, please do not use the blow to make him/her sober, combined with the actual situation of the child,
Give practical advice.
Language is a sharp knife that leaves scars even when the wound recovers.
Papa Bao thought in pieces
Many people will ask me why do I take time to spend time with my children when I am busy?
Explore nature with kids:
Accompany him to stick to his hobbies:
Eat and chat with them:
Because I know that the formation of a boy's personality has a lot to do with the father, and the criteria for choosing a mate for girls will also be set because of the father's performance.
If you want your child to have a happy life, first become a father who can make your child happy.
The mother determines the temperature of the home, and the father determines the height of the home.
This is not only the relationship between parents and children, but also the way husband and wife get along, but also the foundation of a stable and prosperous family.