Image source: Meisu Gallery
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One day, in the community square downstairs, a four-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl were like flying kites, you chase me, I chase you, and play brightly.
Seeing that the little boy was about to grab the little girl, who knew that suddenly he stumbled, he threw himself to the ground, and immediately cried loudly.
The father on the side quickly comforted: "Get up, it's okay, don't cry!" ”
Who knew that the little boy was lying on the ground and kicking his legs, crying even more aggrieved and louder.
Dad said patiently: "Well, we are men, don't cry." ”
But the little boy was unmoved, and continued to cry loudly.
Dad finally couldn't hold back, stepped forward and pulled the little boy away, and began to scold impatiently: "Man, what is there to cry about when you fall!" ”
Then he was dragged away, and the cry of the little boy was heard finally fading away.
I really feel a little sorry for this child.
In life, we habitually say to boys, "You are a little man, don't cry!" ”
Boys are always asked to "have tears and not flick", and crying seems to have become a girl's patent.
Are boys born brave and strong and do not shed tears?
This may not be the case.
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Have you ever found that in life, parents hug their daughters much more than their sons.
In our lives, boys can only hold back tears when they are aggrieved, can only pretend to be strong when they are afraid, and can only lick their wounds in the corner when they are injured.
But we forget that he is a boy, and he is a child.
His emotions need to be seen, emotions need to be recognized, needs need to be met.
Stopping the boy from crying is like lifting a rock to forcibly block his emotional passage and forcibly interrupt his self-healing process.
The boy who is subjected to this mental violence will have a mountain of emotional garbage in his heart. One day, the mountain will quietly crush him.
Boys who are emotionally limited are more likely to have negative emotions
In the film Boys Don't Cry, the boy's emotions have been limited.
When he was preparing for sports, he was admonished, "You have to be brave, okay?" ”
When he was sad, his mother reprimanded him: "Why are you crying? Would you please be a big boy? ”
The boy, who had been suppressing his emotions, finally lost control one day, and he raised his fist and swung it at his classmates.
You know, crying is a channel for children to release emotions.
If the child's need to cry is constantly blocked, one day he can only vent his suppressed emotions in some negative way. And this way is either hurting others or hurting yourself.
In early childhood, boys' verbal expression and emotional control are weaker, so you will find that boys are more emotionally fragile and emotionally needy.
And crying is the most direct way for them to express their emotions.
You limit boys from crying and they won't be strong because of it.
On the contrary, because the outlet of emotional needs is blocked for a long time, their hearts cannot be unblocked, and over time, they will be filled with emotional garbage.
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Boys who are allowed to cry are better able to handle their emotions.
The movie "Miracle Boy" can be said to have healed many people.
The protagonist Auggie was born with a severely deformed face, so he has been living with a helmet.
After he was 10 years old, his parents encouraged him to take off his helmet and walk into school.
Who knew that what awaited him was the world full of malice. Classmates treated him like a monster, constantly mocking him and attacking him.
Auggie broke down again and again and cried.
Mom and Dad did not stop or preach, and every time they appeared in time, hugged him tightly, and silently accompanied him.
Because of his parents' unconditional love for him, Augie accepted and digested his negative emotions and became positive and optimistic after crying again and again.
Later, he was already able to joke: "I worked hard to make myself so handsome!" ”
Auggie's parents did not simply and rudely close the door of the child's crying, but let him navigate freely in the ocean of emotions.
Psychologists believe that by crying to let children recognize emotions and experience emotional fluctuations, they can eventually learn to control emotions.
Only by allowing the boy to cry can he release all negative emotions such as psychological fear, grievance, frustration, and dissatisfaction. And after a few hearty crying, learn to control emotions and learn to get along with your emotions.
I think of the neighbor's son, who was a well-known crying bag when he was a child, and always cried like "pear blossoms with rain" when he encountered a little thing.
Some people advised the child's father, if you don't teach this child, he will definitely be very weak in the future. But he was unmoved, and every time the child cried, he was by his side and did not force a stop.
When I returned to my hometown this Spring Festival, I heard many people mention Lao Wang's son, and they all gave a thumbs up. It turned out that he used to cry his nose, but he has matured and sunned in recent years, and he just graduated this year and took the initiative to apply to volunteer on the front line of the fight against the epidemic.
A crying child does not mean that he is weak.
On the contrary, boys who are allowed to cry will not be overwhelmed by negative emotions in their hearts and are more likely to become sunny and cheerful.
Crying is sometimes like a drainage project in a child's psyche.
A bitter cry, draining the mud and water in their hearts, their hearts can be like a pool of clear water, clear and clear, light and agile.
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When a child cries, what can we do other than blurt out "stop crying"?
Crouch down and feel the child's world
Seen such a story. There was a child who was very reluctant to go to the supermarket, and every time he went to the supermarket, he would break down and cry. Dad was puzzled.
Until one day, when he squatted down to help the child wipe his tears, he was surprised to find that from the child's point of view, he saw not a dazzling array of goods, but a pair of shaking thighs, as if they would be pressed over at any time.
No wonder every time you come to the supermarket, your child's eyes are always full of fear.
The father moved wisely and rode the child on his neck, and now the child danced with joy and said to the father: "Wow, the supermarket is fun." ”
Many times, when we crouch down, we find that the child is far from being vexatious.
Compared to a rough "don't cry", squat down, see the child's world, and experience the child's emotions, many problems can be solved.
Teach children to express emotions
Why did a child who was good a second ago suddenly cry?
In fact, a big reason is that children's emotional cognition and regulation ability are limited.
Especially boys, the development of language expression ability is relatively slow, so when something happens, their first reaction is to cry.
When the child cries, parents can make judgments from the current environment and try to say to the child: Are you angry? Because of what? Oh, is it because the toy is missing?
Once the cause is found, parents can help the child to go together to find his toys.
This kind of interaction is actually a process of helping the child and connecting his behavior with his emotions. It is also a process that helps children transform from an emotional brain to a rational brain.
In this way, children can know what their current emotions are, what are the reasons for their occurrence, and how problems can be solved.
Then the next time, when he encounters the same problem, he can correctly express and ask for help, instead of crying and spreading wild.
When the child cries, accompany him
The child must cry for a reason, at this time any words of comfort are like scratching the boot, and any words of dissuasion will make the child's mood worse.
Therefore, instead of asking the child not to cry, it is better to allow the child to cry freely.
Quietly accompany him, hug him at the right time, and let him know that his parents are by his side.
Children's negative emotions are not terrible, what is scary is that this emotion is not seen and recognized by parents.
Children cry in the hope of attention and acceptance. The company and approval of their parents can help them heal themselves.
There is a saying that "a good parent-child relationship must be unhindered and disguised, and the child can show his joys, angers and sorrows without scruples, without fear of being blamed, without fear of being denied." ”
Child, I want you to be strong and brave, but you don't need to hide your vulnerability;
I expect you to be optimistic, but you don't have to hold back tears.
If you want to cry, cry!
Mom and Dad will always be your warm barrier and strong backing.