Text | Rice grain mother
The company has a 94-year-old colleague CC, the baby is less than 2 years old, once, I bought some strawberries, washed them at noon and ate them with my office friends.
When CC took it, I looked at it for a long time and picked two strawberries that were softened, and I quickly stopped: "Don't take the big one", she was first stunned, and then smiled.
CC said that he had several fights with her husband because of eating.
In the past, when the two were in the world, CC and her husband wanted to eat and buy anything, and no one had an awkward fight because of this stutter.
With children, it's different.
Strawberries dozens of dollars a small box, not a few, when washing, CC will carefully pick red and small for the child, because the baby's mouth is small, one bite is just right, and the husband eats the big one, it is also one bite at a time.
What about herself? When washed, the soft, rotten, and broken ones are all down the stomach and full
CC likes to eat crispy apples, her husband likes to eat flower cows, her husband often moves flower cows home in boxes and boxes, at that time the children were also small, when they were eating complementary food, CC thought that flower cows were also very suitable for children, since then, CC has not bought crisp apples.
The same goes for eating salmon. CC said he bought a piece of salmon at an import supermarket, went back and cut it into thick slices, intending to marinate it in lemon and fry it for the child. She was cutting in the kitchen, her husband himself adjusted the mustard dip, she cut a slice, her husband ate a slice, and there were words in her mouth: The baby can't eat a few bites, let's eat more!
But in the end, Wa really loves to eat, only some minced meat left, CC used chopsticks to pull into his mouth, this meal is not wasted at all.
But she suddenly felt aggrieved.
CC said: Rotten strawberries, rotten blueberries, rotten bananas, scraping watermelon skins, eating toast, are all ordinary daily routines, but why do I always eat these? Why does he (husband) pick it every time?
She complained to her husband, who said half-jokingly: Don't want the soft rotten one, don't you "deserve it"? No one let you eat this, you are purely self-touching!
For this reason, the two have quarreled many times.
When CC told us this, I was very understanding, because I also ate rotten strawberries and gnawed rotten peaches
After all, men and women are two completely different creatures, and the brain circuits are really different.
They eat big strawberries and watermelon tips, because it's really sweet. They don't feel like there's anything wrong with them.
If you wrestle with him, he will immediately retort: you eat too! No one won't let you eat!
But many women, especially mothers, don't feel comfortable enjoying the best.
One reason is that the "sense of worthiness" is not enough, feeling that they do not deserve the best, and that the good should be given to children, to the elderly, and even to friends and guests.
One reason is women's natural "sense of mission" - in this family, someone must eat small, sour, and rotten, if no one eats, then isn't it wasted!
Colleague Chen Chen told CC a piece of her own "black history", I don't know if I comforted CC, but as a passer-by, I feel the same way.
Chen Chen traveled to Singapore with her husband ten years ago, there were no children at that time, neither of them took a holiday, Qingming 3-day small long vacation, took a red-eye flight back and forth, came back and got off the plane and went directly to work, it was also quite a struggle.
But at that time, I was young, energetic, and I didn't feel tired at all.
Before going, Chen Chen took a fancy to the popular Golden Sands Hotel, watching the sunset in the infinity pool, which is simply not too beautiful (of course, there are so many Internet celebrity hotels now, this is not surprising).
But the price is also beautiful, 10 years ago, a night of basic room types also cost more than 2000.
Chen Chen said that he couldn't afford to live, but he felt that it was a little "not worth it", after all, the red-eye flight she bought was only more than 2,000 yuan round trip.
But she really liked it. So I took the photo to show my husband, and while talking with my eyebrows, I sighed that the price was a little expensive.
After his husband looked at the photo, he looked at her very sincerely and said: It's too expensive, it's not necessary!
In fact, 10 years ago, more than 2,000 nights is expensive, but Chen Chen they are not unaffordable, at that time she was in the previous company, the work was particularly busy, overtime pay was even higher than the salary, finally went out for two days, according to our Chinese "four-character canon": come are coming, if you really like it, you can actually feel it, no regrets.
Chen Chen finally convinced himself: forget it, playing outside during the day and staying overnight at night is indeed "not worth it".
But the story isn't over. Chen Chen and they were shopping in Singapore when they sneaked to the sands, Chen Chen said that somehow, tears suddenly flowed.
That mood is mixed.
Chen Chen now sighed, saying that she was still young at that time, and her thoughts at that time were: I can say expensive, I can't say it, but how can you (husband) say it? I don't have to live, what I want is your sentence "Book if you like, let's not be worse than this 2,000 yuan, it's hard to go once."
You see, most women want affirmation and approval from their partner to tell us: You deserve it.
But what if like Chen Chen's husband, Geng bluntly says "no need"?
As CC's husband said, "No one let you eat rotten?" "How to solve it?
Is the day over?
This is like when you are young in love, you always hope that the gift from the other party will just be delivered to your heart. Even hope that when you go shopping at the mall, the skirt you try on is not bought, and your partner will secretly go back to buy it and give it to you as a surprise.
The plot of the old-fashioned idol drama haha.
Chen Chen said to CC seriously: You are still too young, and when you reach the age of 35+, you will find that these are not things.
Now Chen Chen, he can order wherever he likes, buy whatever he likes to eat and wear, and simply will not go to his teammates to "find pain".
If you are in a happy mood, your teammates will not complain about your "doing", there is nothing to do with each other, and the world is peaceful
In the early years, I went shopping with my rice dad, straight man, you know, everyone must have a deep experience.
I was happy to see a beautiful dress, and after trying it, my rice dad always stared at me with a "strange" look, and he often said "not your style" and "not for you"!
I really rolled my eyes!
Later, I stopped shopping with my rice dad, went shopping with my girlfriends, went shopping by myself, wasn't it happy? No! Only happier! 10,000 times the joy!
Pleasing yourself is far happier than others coaxing and spoiling you.
Old fans know that I was raised as a boy by my grandfather since I was a child, and I was "brainwashed" by various "downsets", saying that I was "born an engineering woman" and "a seedling of science and engineering"
So the toys I got when I was a child were Lego that Grandpa Rice bought back from a business trip abroad, as well as all kinds of bricks, all kinds of mechanical equipment... The kind of delicate and beauty-loving little girl, what little hairpins, stockings, little skirts? Inexistent.
Later, he studied abroad at the age of 19, and in the United States, he broke a penny into two petals.
So the "sense of low worthiness" in most people, I had it before I became a mother.
Don't talk about rotten strawberries, I've even eaten rotten potatoes and rotten tomatoes
When the rice grains were small, I often bought things for my children and the elderly without blinking, but when I bought them for myself, I always felt that "it was not necessary".
As long as there are still clothes to wear, there is no need to buy them, as long as there is a bite of leftovers, there is no need to make it for yourself.
I also felt aggrieved, and I also talked with my rice father.
But then I found out that the real crux of the matter was me.
I once wrote in "The Middle-Aged Girl Who Saved the Galaxy in My Last Life" that when I was young, some of my few luxury goods were given by my rice dad.
The days of saving money, I passed many years, and later, I myself don't remember what the opportunity was, and suddenly I started the "indulgence journey", "who loves whom", specifically pick expensive to buy, work is so busy, so tired with a baby, the old lady I deserve!
I think that time was a little bit of "rotten" regardless of cost, as if it was a kind of "compensation" for the past 30 years.
The real finding of a state of self-ease and suddenness is over the age of 35.
It's more like a reconciliation with yourself.
For example, age anxiety, it is not realistic to say that there is no at all, but I do accept my current self more - there is a favorite work and life, although the son is ordinary but warm, the husband occasionally "demonizes" but not too hot, the important thing is that the family is very compatible.
For example, I am a "hobby", a lot of clothes, tall body to wear to look good. I used to be a little frustrated, but then I tried on more clothes, and I found that there were so many pants and skirts that were very friendly to my mother of this size. We don't go to the catwalk, we don't need to be 170 legs tall and thin waist, but there will still be many, many beautiful clothes, designed for us, just as beautiful to wear.
For example, I exercise for 30 minutes a day, not to lose weight, and our middle-aged mothers have long let themselves go of "weight loss". I went to Hangzhou to trace the origin, so many clothes that "hide meat" and "show thinness", why do you still compete with your own figure.
In the past, on Mother's Day, I would prepare surprises for my mother and mother-in-law early, and of course rice grains and rice dad would also prepare for me. But since the year before, I will solemnly select my own Mother's Day gift for myself.
When people reach middle age, clothes are only worn for themselves, jewelry is only worn for themselves, dressed up only to please themselves, and they spend money to buy their own favorites, which is the greatest happiness of middle-aged women.
Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.