Today is the Chinese New Year's Eve, and many young people who are still on their way home or have been reunited with their families have suffered from a disease that does not want to leave relatives for the New Year, and the "cause" is to be urged to marry.
How to deal with marriage urging in the New Year
Being urged to marry can be described as the fate of every single young person, especially a single girl, even the woman at the tip of the pyramid is not spared. In the variety show "My Girl", 32-year-old Yuan Shanshan also encountered a "large-scale marriage promotion scene". As a single woman, Yuan Shanshan got up at six o'clock in the morning, exercised, listened to English, and made her own breakfast, but in her own opinion, she lived a good life, but she was repeatedly complained about by her father and friends, such as confused life, not doing housework, dirty rooms, etc. As the heroine of the hit drama, because she is single, her lifestyle is not looked at in all directions by 360 degrees. Yuan Shanshan's father said to her: Marriage is responsible for the family, the country and the nation. Wu Xin's father, who is also a single actress, has the view that it is not normal not to marry.
Screenshot of "My Girl"
Young people's resistance to married life and their elders' expectations of traditional family life are bound to clash. Therefore, on the occasion of the New Year of family reunion, it is also the time when the elders urge marriage. The paper made a detailed analysis of the marriage promotion technique from the perspective of data. Surveys show that there are generational differences in the perception of marriageable age between parents and children, and since the 1990s, the average age of first marriage for Chinese men and women has been increasing. The marriageable age in the eyes of parents is still the same as when they were married earlier. In addition, there are also large differences in the perception of marriageable age between urban and rural areas or in different regions. Parents are usually far removed from their children's circle of life, and the age of marriage between the two places often varies greatly. In 2010, for example, the average age of first marriage in Beijing was more than 26 years old, and in Hebei, the age of first marriage was less than 24 years old. On the whole, there is a trend of marrying later in coastal areas and marrying earlier in inland areas. In short, parents and children's understanding of when to marry is based on their own life scenarios, and it is difficult to agree with each other.
Li Siyuan pointed out in the article "Why Young People Hate Marriage", with the changes of the times, marriage has not been as a guarantee for future life as our parents imagined. In the past era of material scarcity, married life could deepen the connection of social relations and promote collaboration and resource sharing among family members. But today, even celibacy does not have to worry about survival, and can even live more freely and abundantly; married life, by contrast, is more laborious, forced to get involved in more complex social relations, and requires more dedication and dedication.
Li Siyuan quoted Eric Crinanberg's "Single Life" and pointed out that the richer the country, the higher the proportion of living alone. On the one hand, affluence leads to the awakening of individualism; on the other hand, social security solves the worries of celibacy. These factors have led us to foresee that living alone will be a more common way of life in the future. The preface to Single Life also quotes the economist Joseph Schumpeter as saying that when one is bound to recognize the great personal sacrifices that come with family, especially parent-child relationships, independent-thinking men and women will choose another life that is "comfortable, free, unencumbered by love, and more and more opportunities to enjoy other interesting and new things."
Various self-media with young people as the main readers give young people tricks: various versions of the "anti-marriage psychology guide" have appeared in turn, for example, during the release of the Spring Festival golden file large-scale family series "Marriage Urging", the exposure of "back-of-the-ear" defense is getting higher and higher. These psychology public accounts write: In the process of fighting wits and courage with parents and relatives, pretending to be stupid on the back of the ear is a basic trick. The principle is to wear down the patience of elders, change the topic, and nip the topic of marriage in the bud. In the face of all kinds of soul torture of relatives and friends, we must uphold the purpose of "cleverly pretending to be stupid and conscientiously perfunctory", implement the core spirit of "selective attention, intermittent deafness, and continuous pretending to be deaf and dumb", and create a harmonious, warm and harmonious Spring Festival atmosphere.
At the same time, some people advocate the "reconciliation" between the younger generation and their parents in the name of the New Year.
Zhang Feng, author of Tencent's "Everyone", believes that young people are actually the more dominant party in today's family relationships. This kind of reconciliation is also the attitude that the "strong" should have. Zhang Feng said with emotion, "A white-collar worker can tolerate 300 days of unit leaders, but he can't stand his parents for 7 days." At the end of the holiday, they will write their own "homecoming", in which the image of their parents is mostly not positive. And this exaggerated "fiction" is just emphasizing its own victory. He optimistically pointed out that the post-90s generation has greatly reduced the confrontation with their parents, and they are smarter to "domesticate" their parents. Compared with the post-80s, they return to the family more, of course, this return may also be full of calculations, and many parents are also aware of this.
Writer Zhang Mingyang wrote an article on the surging news and also expressed his attitude towards marriage. He believes that for the New Year of the big family, it is a "hurdle" after work. Everyone will receive a variety of "when to get married" and "when to have children" during the New Year's party, such a reminder is naturally stressful, and many people may hate the New Year and family gatherings for this reason in adulthood. But he believes that for an adult, it is normal to be "cared for" in any situation, and if your leader "cares" for you, will you resign in anger? At least, at home, such "concern" is certainly well-intentioned and can be "mashed", is there anything that a glass of wine cannot solve? You know, the next time such a concern is concerned, it may have to wait until next year. Zhang Mingyang also ridiculed that he had joined the middle-aged and elderly interest group, and participated in "caring" for his infertile brother during the New Year, which was also a kind of family joy.
Marriage urging may just be a microcosm of the ever-changing contemporary China. The pull between parents urging marriage and children's resistance may also be a unique form of interaction in our time! Marriage urging is not a problem in itself, how to deal with it is the problem.
Duke University email door, is it a kind reminder or racism?
On January 25, local time, Megan Lee Neely, an assistant professor and head of graduate programs in the Department of Biostatistics at Duke University, caused an uproar in an email aimed at Chinese students. It turned out that in this email, she advised students not to say Chinese in the teaching building, she believed that "these students did not seize the opportunity to improve their English", and the reason she sent this reminder email was that two professors in the department wanted to know the names of these students who said Chinese aloud, depriving them of future internship opportunities.
After the email was sent, some of Duke's Chinese students quickly organized a petition to sign, urging Duke to investigate Megan Neely's alleged discrimination emails. Duke University was also quick to respond to the matter. On January 26, local time, the dean of Duke University School of Medicine, where the biostatistics major is located, issued an apology letter, stressing that the school has no restrictions on the language students can use to communicate and respects all cultures. Neely also said in the email, "I deeply regret the hurt caused by the last email, that was not my intention. After the university investigation, Neely has resigned as director of graduate programs, but retains his position as assistant professor of biostatistics and bioinformatics.
Screenshot of part of Megan Neely's email
As the incident was widely discussed in the news media and social media, netizens reached a consensus on the alleged racial discrimination of the two professors mentioned in Neely's email: because they were Chinese they were deprived of the opportunity to participate in research projects and internships, which was nakedly racist.
There is no consensus on whether Neely's reminder email can be defined as racial discrimination. Some argue that she is just misphrased and not racist. Guo Yingjian, dean of the School of Foreign Chinese at Chinese Min University, published an article in China Science Daily on January 30 entitled "Misunderstandings and Revelations Behind the 'Banned Chinese' Incident", expressing the view that "Neely should be well-intentioned". He believes that in the current severe situation of Sino-US conflict, the incidents caused by such language conflicts will occur endlessly. He hoped that we should recognize the unfathomable forces and risks behind the language, and "not wrongfully accuse good people and good intentions."
After analyzing the details of the email, Guo Yingjian believed that Neely "is asking students to speak English, not according to the so-called regulations or restrictions to ask students not to speak Chinese, let alone prohibit students from saying Chinese", "as the director of the master's program, she is frankly and realistically reporting to everyone about the situation of the professor." Regarding Neely's suggestion that international students should speak English 100% in departments or buildings and places related to their majors, Guo Yingjian believes that "the requirement to speak English in public academic areas, I personally think may be an unwritten rule of the department, such unwritten rules and even the requirements of professors are not unreasonable, and it is naturally beneficial for students to do so." ”
He concluded, "What really deserves our attention in this incident is how to change the prejudice and even discrimination that professors may have." International students at Duke University should truly seize this opportunity to ask real questions, find real roots, and strive to get the school to introduce policies that prevent or even eliminate prejudice, discrimination, and even threats and hatred that anyone may have. ”
Some of the minority students of the master's programme, interviewed by BBC News, also believe that Neely is "not racist at all" and is "very willing to help" students from any country, and that the two unnamed professors mentioned in Neely's emails who ask for the names and photos of Chinese students are the real racists. Another Asian student said, "Megan is the best mentor I've ever met... She made a mistake (referring to email), but we still understand what she meant and how much she cared about us. The article "I of duke biostatistics department, I understand everyone's anger, but do not think that professors are "racist"" also expressed a similar view, the article quoted a student enrolled in Duke's department of biostatistics, "I have never suffered discrimination in any sense in the two years of school, Professor Neely and students will eat hot pot together in the public area of the teaching building to celebrate traditional Chinese festivals." The classmate thought Neely himself was definitely not a racist.
Weibo user "Afrazhaowang" is at odds with each other, arguing that Neely's email reveals invisible racial discrimination. She noted on Weibo that "in institutions of higher learning, stark racial discrimination is uncommon. But discrimination often still comes in the form of well-educated, privileged white administrators and professors, in the form of a 'gift that gives you the opportunity to learn, and if you don't cherish it (in this case by not using the so-called learning space to improve your English) then you will be punished'." This kind of invisible racial discrimination is common, and Chinese students in the United States should use the "safe space created" by American society to protect themselves.
In fact, "well-intentioned reminders of inappropriate wording" are difficult to obscure the essence of racial discrimination. Professor Guo Yingjian's article seems to be a bit itchy, because it obviously ignores the sense of superiority of white Americans behind the "mail door" over Chinese. He assumed that "the teacher must be good for the student" and deduced that "Neely should be well-intentioned." If you know enough about the situation of Chinese students at Duke University, Professor Guo may come to a different conclusion. In other words, if the incident is not Chinese, but other languages, whether it will be treated the same, this is actually a question mark. Today, when "political correctness" has been widely accepted in the United States, why are Chinese students not taken into account by "political correctness"?
The Paper's article", "Duke University Professor Reminds Students not to say Chinese, why is it also racial discrimination", also highlighted this point: "It is not the evil language that is discriminatory, and the seemingly gentle and considerate exhortation actually shows the restriction and suppression of the right of Chinese students to use their mother tongue." Even with elegant and decent wording packaging, it cannot hide the essence of racial discrimination. Cheng Qianqian believes that "this is first of all because people have not yet formed a full understanding of racial discrimination, for most Chinese who lack overseas life experience, the chance of being discriminated against because of their nationality is very small, racial discrimination is only a distant and vague term, which has nothing to do with themselves; secondly, this is also a manifestation of cultural inferiority psychology." When compatriots encounter unfair treatment in a strange country, many people will first find reasons from themselves, and attribute all kinds of unhappiness to their inability to adapt to the environment. Cheng Qianqian finally put forward a suggestion, "The elimination of discrimination and the realization of social justice require everyone's opposition and resistance." Identifying with oneself and accepting oneself is the premise of confrontation with racial discrimination. ”
Perhaps, as bystanders, we should still listen to the voices of Duke students themselves. For example, one petition signer wrote, "This is not even the only instance of Duke's lack of respect for Chinese in recent months." This behavior has become the norm for Duke managers. As the Duke Student Petition Drafting Committee hopes, students hope to be able to open up discussions about diversity and inclusion among Duke's international students. Students see the emails as a stark sign of their lack of understanding of Chinese culture and the Chinese community. As members of the Duke family from overseas, their desire is to combat the increasingly normalized xenophobia and discrimination against Chinese students at Duke.