It is said that most people have a "period of disgust" after arguing with their lover, during which they will look at each other and dislike each other, but after a while, this feeling will pass.
Two days ago, a friend who was in love suddenly told me that she wanted to break up, because she felt that the two of them could not go back after the quarrel, and she didn't feel anything about her boyfriend.
For several days in a row, as long as her boyfriend touched her, she was extremely uncomfortable. Her boyfriend took the initiative to chat with her, and she didn't want to pay attention at all, she just wanted to set him as not to disturb, and then click on it when she was in a good mood.
She didn't want to talk about the reason for the argument, she just wanted to know now if this disgust would go away, and could the feelings for her boyfriend go back in time?
Putting aside the persuasive thoughts that first flooded into my mind, think about it rationally, in fact, I myself have experienced the stage of disgust after a quarrel, and the severity of the quarrel is positively correlated with the degree of disgust.
The initial quarrels of a relationship often do not produce much disgust, just because of the difference between fantasy and reality, it is found that the other party has some small flaws that are not as perfect as they imagined, and it only takes half a day to drown out negative emotions with new sweetness.
And the longer they spend together, the more the reason for the quarrel will touch on the core of the relationship problem, such as making a mistake emotionally, or having three views incompatible. For at least three days after a big fight, my whole body would fall into a state of stress, during which it was basic to have a bad mood and look unhappy.
When I see each other in serious cases, I will remember the reason for the quarrel, and the scene of the day of the quarrel will come to my mind, and my disgust will disappear slowly, or even may not disappear.
I always thought I was sensitive + a little cautious, until this time my friend found me to talk to, I found that I was not the only one who would suddenly feel "not in love" for my boyfriend after a fight.
After checking the information, it turned out that the feeling of disgust after a quarrel was a psychological defense mechanism.
When you suffer setbacks in your life, your psychological defense mechanisms are automatically activated to help you reduce anxiety. And disgust for boyfriend after a fight should belong to the projection of the offensive defense mechanism.
The so-called "projection" refers to "projecting" one's own personality, attitude, motivation or desires onto others. Projections are also manifested in serious prejudice, refusal to make out of suspicion, and excessive vigilance against external dangers.
Projection is somewhat of an act of avoidance, which means transferring the results you can't accept to others and blaming them for all the fault. That is to say, when you can't accept that your boyfriend has done something, even if he apologizes and admits his mistake, you will still blame the other party for not accepting this fact.
Disgust for your boyfriend after a fight isn't that you're grumpy or careful, it's that your psychological defense mechanisms are protecting you from a complete collapse.
Including some people who get angry with friends and family after arguing with their boyfriends, this is also one of the offensive defense mechanisms, called transfer.
Transfer means that the original anger towards a person cannot be directly expressed for some reason, so it is transferred to a safer object to reduce one's psychological anxiety.
In addition to getting angry and implicating others, I also have the feeling that whenever I am particularly angry, my behavior will become very childish and unreasonable like a child. After checking the data, I found that this is also one of the escape mechanisms, called regression.
Simply put, when you can't accept a certain fact, you will have some retreat behavior because you want to escape too much, and use very naïve methods to face difficulties.
A short period of regression in adults is not only normal, but also necessary, equivalent to a method of regulating the balance of mental states.
In general, although none of the above can be regarded as a good psychological defense mechanism, it is also necessary to admit the fact that tantrums after a fight and disgust for the other half are a normal state, and may even make the conflict turn over faster.
On the contrary, it is pressed in the heart, and if you do not communicate and vent, it will be easier to let the contradiction enter the subconscious and remember it from time to time in the future.
But then again, the biggest emotion after falling in love is that every quarrel is bound to be impossible to return to the original point. Every quarrel is bound to leave some traces, but some feelings are more harmonious after the quarrel, and some feelings are more and more disappointing.
Going back to the question at the beginning, in fact, it is inevitable that lovers will have contradictions and dislike for each other, and perhaps this emotion will dissipate soon, so don't make decisions during the impulsive period.
But if this disgust continues, and even after a long time it is still disgusting as soon as I see this person, then there is nothing to linger in this relationship, and separation may be a better choice.
Head picture / Aren Aaren
Illustration / "Tomorrow, whose girlfriend will I be" & Baidu Encyclopedia