01
I have been thinking about this topic for a long time, and it is also a little insight from me during this time.
Some time ago, I suddenly wondered whether to look for a job: the second child was born, and he was two years old, so going out to find a job at this time will not be disliked. I am very confident, although I haven't gone to work in six years, but I have a lot of valuable experience in terms of emotions. I also got an intermediate certificate as a marriage and family counselor. How to say that I am the head emotional blogger of various platforms, and there are more than one million fans on the whole network.
And I have tried various platforms, I have learned about it, and I have won awards.
I also want to let myself go out and see if I can find new opportunities for cooperation and development, maybe I will meet you on the way to the interview.
With this original intention, I applied for the position of "emotional consultant" in a company, and really went to the interview and entered the second side.
After meeting the final boss, the other party did not directly refuse, but talked about cooperation, to see if they want to settle in their company in the way of "talent", and they also happened to be in the transition period of industry development. I also didn't think of a specific way to cooperate, so I could only put it on hold for the time being.
In fact, there is another key reason: their position is an emotional anchor, and most of the time is at night. The morning time is fine, but what about the evening? What about my two children at night like this for a long time? Who will pick them up? Who will help the child with his homework?
I thought I didn't need to think about my children anymore, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.
At the beginning, I chose to work as a freelancer, on the one hand, because it was difficult to find a job due to pregnancy, on the other hand, I was tired of working from 9 to 5, and I wanted to start my own business to see if I could fight for my career while raising a baby.
Six years have passed, the development of self-media has changed, I am still lucky, I have earned money in the past few years, and I have had a few years of career peak. The income of those years was unimaginable to me, and I never thought that I would earn the first pot of gold and buy a house of more than 100 square meters in Xiamen Island.
Another reason why I went to look for a job is that I am also in a transition period, and my career is currently at a low point, and the development is not as good as before. After a sharp drop in income, I tried to find a relatively stable job.
But considering the child's factor, I suddenly lost the desire to go out to work.
Who will help the child's homework, and what to do during winter and summer vacations? What should I do if my child is sick? My mother-in-law can still help bring Erbao now, and in September this year, I am also going to send Erbao to the kindergarten nursery, but my mother-in-law is old and in poor health, and she can't pick up her two children. The child's father is also unlikely to leave work early to pick up his child, and his job pays average but is stable.
Hiring an aunt to pick up the children is another expense, and there are other insecurities.
After thinking about it, I still have to continue to work as a freelancer and arrange my time freely to make our home run well and orderly.
At this time, I am especially glad that I liked to read books as a child, and I can eat old books to develop my writing career, otherwise I really dare not think about what I will do in the future? I am also especially grateful for the development of Internet self-media in this era, so that the re-employment of some mothers has achieved a relatively ideal model of "bringing a baby while working hard for a career".
It is difficult to go out to work anymore, and in a family where there are no elderly people to help, there must always be someone who can work flexibly and take care of the children.
It is not only care, but also the companionship and guidance of love.
With two children, I feel a great responsibility.
02
Back to my title: "The Survival "Dilemma" of Married Women After Childbirth.
Why not a dilemma?
Because the word "embarrassment" will appear more powerless, embarrassing, and dilemma.
I have a friend who went home after her child went to kindergarten and spent a month in the workplace. There is no way, as soon as she goes to work, their home is in chaos, the children have no one to "fixed" to pick up, she goes to work early, her husband has to send the children tightly, the end of work is relatively late, and there is a traffic jam, and half of the old public meeting has to stop to pick up the children. Several times, their baby was the last.
What was originally a relaxed rhythm became a string after she went to work, and she was always on the verge of collapse.
She also tried to hire an aunt to pick up the children and clean up, plus a meal in the evening. But that aunt is not very reliable, and it is quite late to pick up the children. The child is not very familiar with her, and there is no way to accept the fact that the mother cannot accompany her.
As a result of various factors, she had to resign.
As soon as she returned, their home was running well and orderly again.
She gave up going out to find a job, and I contacted her some time ago that she was pregnant with her second child. It can only be so, but if another child comes out, he is really trapped at home, and it is difficult to be able in his career.
Sheng Dabao did not have the elderly to help take the child at that time, I thought that it was delayed for three years, and it would be good if the child went to kindergarten, but I didn't expect that it would be difficult to return to the workplace.
Unless it's to open your own shop and do a small business, it's really difficult.
When a child is born, someone must take the child to accompany the child more, and this person is often the mother. I also sometimes wonder, why can't Dad accompany? But thinking that my work has not yet reached the point of covering the elderly, and my working hours can be freely arranged, I can only choose to take care of my children more.
Children need the care of their mothers, and a good and orderly operation of a home must also require a person to sacrifice, what is unbearable? Society generally does not recognize and respect the value of stay-at-home mothers, and the most critical man does not respect and identify with his wife.
This makes the situation more difficult for stay-at-home mothers.
Not only full-time mothers, but also working mothers also have their difficulties.
Last week I went to see a friend who had just given birth to her second child and was still in confinement. She can continue to work, mainly because she has a mother-in-law who can help bring it, and when the time comes, her mother-in-law is also very busy, and she has to take care of her second child. But mother-in-law has her own limitations, and she can't tutor her children's learning.
You can only find a balance point on your own: try to spend more time with your children after work.
Married women are generally bound by children after giving birth, and there are also natural maternal factors, wanting to be responsible for their children and loving their children more. Men, on the other hand, seem to be less affected by their children, and having so little company with their children does not affect them to be a good father.
So I sometimes wonder: in accompanying children, can women also have a bit of male thinking, learn them a little Buddha, can they be relatively comfortable.
A very realistic thing: after having children, you can still go to work unless you have the help of the elderly. And your job should be a relatively good unit, so that you will not be treated harshly because of pregnancy and maternity leave. Don't resign with the help of the elderly, once you resign, it will be difficult to return to the workplace. After giving birth to a second child, it is more difficult to return to your job and start your own business.
If the elderly help, they have to live differently, and there will be differences in the educational concepts of the two generations, which is also a thing.
There is also a topic on Weibo today: Do you want to live with your parents after marriage?
I was stunned when I saw it, and I must not be married when I asked such a question. When you don't have children, you can say that you must live differently, you try to have children, how to work if you live differently? Unless you live in the same community, but now that the house price is so high, who can afford to buy two houses in the same community? Rental pressure is also a problem.
It is not a question of whether to do it or not, but "to have to".
After having children, it is really difficult for women, and they are in a dilemma and fall into a "dilemma".
I also had a hard time, and for a long time, I had children first most of my life.
I also tried to convince myself to spend more time with my children. Since you choose to have children, you have to be responsible for them, not only in childhood, but also in every stage of later growth, and the period of youth rebellion is a hurdle.
The child is good and productive, which also means that I can live happily for the rest of my life.
I also have to knock the father from time to time to make him more involved in the child's development.
My husband is okay, he earns average money but still cares for his family, and part of my voice after marriage comes from my financial independence. Because I have income and savings, I don't worry too much about my husband a lot of the time. But what if there is no income? I guess my waist bar won't be so straight.
03
It is common to see some married women sending text such as this: After sending their children to school, they will stay at home when they come back. Graduated from 211 key university, once a strong woman in the workplace, after being a full-time mother for 3 years, now her children are in school, but she is confused and anxious. What kind of job should I find, not only can I live up to my hard study for more than ten years, but also take care of my children.
Hard to find.
More often I went to find it, just like my friend, who went around and came home.
Then I had to conceive a second child, but after giving birth to my second child, I had to bring it myself, and the two children had no way to go out to work.
Not to mention three children.
It also knocked on some married women: unless there is a mine at home, don't give birth to three children, don't give birth, and be trapped when you give birth. What is a mine, tens of millions of assets hundreds of millions of assets, you can go to the confinement center, do not care about money, otherwise really do not consider the third child.
Including giving birth to a second child, you will find that you are too tired, surrounded by two children and called mother, and many times you feel a headache. Too many things are trivial, and you have to deal with them. Try to separate things that seem to be yours, and be sure to let your husband take on more.
And if there are old people to help, treat them well, otherwise you have to carry everything yourself, and you can't take care of it.
Don't quit easily, have to quit to find other ways out, see if you can become a freelancer, whether you can be your own boss, and whether you can do something else.
There is a small business for nothing else, just for the side.
Let the husband bear more, and also hope that men who read this article can recognize the difficulty of their wives. The reason why your home works well is because you have a share of your wife's credit, don't turn a blind eye to her efforts.
It's too hard, there's no way to do it, and we're all trying to find that "balance."
This is not only a matter for married women, but also for married men and society as a whole.
I haven't talked about the stability of marital relationships: if one person sacrifices for his family and doesn't go to work, if the other person cheats regardless of it, there are more problems involved.
So complicated.
Mo easily resigned, pregnant with a second child cautiously, and always knocked her husband with children to let him bear more.
If you had a daughter, what kind of life would you like her to have in the future? Want her to be like you?
I want her to be free to do what she wants.
END.