I don't know if there is such a person around you:
When the other party does not like themselves, all kinds of prodding, crazy pursuit of each other, obsessed with each other;
Once the other person is provoked and begins to respond or counter-pursue, they quickly run away again - the enthusiasm immediately fades, and they quickly run away, even disgusting the other person.
After that, they will like another person and take the initiative to pursue it;
But again after the other party responded, he didn't like it.
And so repeatedly.
To outsiders, this seems to be the behavior of "Sea King Sea Queen", which is very felt before it is obtained, but disgusted after it is obtained, it seems that they do not cherish their partners, and only enjoy the feeling of pursuing and hunting.
But, perhaps, there is another explanation for such behavior - "sexual unrequitedness".
In recent years, the term "sexual unrequitedness" has become more and more popular online.
01.
What is "sexual unrequited love"?
In English, sexual unrequited love translates as lithromantic. "romantic", originally meaning romantic, and "lith" means stone, which, combined, is a good interpretation of the characteristics of the sexual unrequited love group: like a stone, difficult to impress.
Strictly speaking, sexual unrequited love refers to a romantic orientation, belonging to the spectrum of non-romantic tendencies, which refers to the feeling of being in love with someone, but does not want the other party to respond to it, once the other party responds, this feeling will quickly fade, and some people still feel disgusting with each other.
"I like you, it's my business, it's none of your business."
Although there are many ridicule of unrequited love on the Internet, they themselves often ridicule themselves, "just like people who will never like themselves, we just like to challenge difficulties."
This seems to be quite happy and free, but in fact, they often fall into the pain of self-doubt in their hearts.
Repeatedly experiencing discomfort and failure in intimate relationships also undermines an individual's self-confidence and doubts one's ability to love and be loved. They also know that they are "difficult", but they don't know what to do.
02.
What factors are related to the emergence of "sexual unrequited" tendencies?
1) May be related to the individual's low level of self-esteem
People who are sexually unrequited always say that they only like people they don't deserve, but maybe once the other party responds, they feel that they don't deserve it.
Netizen Xiao A:
"Once the appreciative person shows affection, I will find various reasons to tell myself that I am not suitable, but I know that these faults are superficial, and I can't say the real reason myself. I feel that I am sick, so I am far away from others. ”
Deep down, I don't believe that I am good, I don't believe that I am loved, I feel that I am not good enough, even bad, "no one can accept the real me."
Therefore, when the other party responds, it will feel that the other party does not see the real self, and if ta sees the real self, he will definitely run away, so he rejects the other party, keeps a distance, and wants the other party to maintain a good impression of himself.
Even if you have a relationship with the other party, you always doubt whether the other party really loves you, and always want to confirm the other party's love.
I suffer from gains and losses, but I cannot experience the joy and peace of mind of intimacy. And when pursuing each other or crush, it is easier to experience the pleasure of falling in love and the happiness of liking a person.
2) The individual's attachment type
Netizen Xiao B:
"Girl, talked about several boyfriends, and then won the title of "girl" given by people around her.
The first was in junior high school, a boy pursued me, at that time I was quite feeling, so I agreed, and after two days together, the other party sent a text message about the meat, and I felt so disgusting at that time, I couldn't stand it, so I broke up.
Although the latter ones were chased by myself, after being together, I couldn't hear the title of baby and darling, and I felt particularly disgusted;
If the other party is stalked, it will be more annoying, refuse all intimate acts with him, and unconsciously cold and violent him; And then we don't have then. People around me think I'm toying with him...
Actually, it's not, but it's really helpless, and I don't know what to do now..."
Uncomfortable with intimate words and intimate behavior, and difficult to adapt to too close a distance, this is the reason why most people with sexual unrequited tendencies quickly end their breakups after dating someone they like.
They enjoy the feeling of being separated when they are unrequited or secretly in love with each other more than the closeness and intimacy of the other party when dating.
People who are not suitable for close contact and like to keep their distance from others are mostly "alienated" attachment types.
People with alienated attachment cannot accept "intimacy"; In the face of a partner who wants to be slimy, they are all over the rejection.
When getting along, the partner's intimate intentions and intimate actions will only make them feel uncomfortable and panic, and want to distance themselves. Unable to truly enter intimacy, they choose to flee more often when the other person expresses their desire to enter into a deeper relationship.
Therefore, rather than establishing real, deep, and stable intimacy with people, they enjoy their own psychological state when they like someone, and enjoy the feeling of loving to death in fantasy.
3) Fear of intimacy
Analyzing the experiences of unrequited sexual lovers, we can clearly see that they are not rejecting a certain person or a certain type of person, but feeling uncomfortable with the fact that others want to be close and close to themselves, and want to escape.
To be precise, it is the fear of creating an emotional connection with people, that is, intimacy.
Their deep fear of intimacy is often related to the individual's upbringing.
It may be the long-term neglect and neglect of parents, they long for love but do not get a response, and slowly lose their expectations of being loved;
may have been severely frustrated and injured in an intimate relationship;
Maybe the unfortunate marital state of their parents makes them fear the reality of love and marriage...
Bad experiences in the past are easy to form the cognition of "intimacy = harm", and avoiding and refusing to establish intimate relationships and keeping a distance from others are precisely the protection of themselves.
Most people want to be loved, but for sexual unrequited lovers, they prefer to choose to love others in fantasy to make themselves feel loved, and give to love, but there will be no expectations and no want to be rewarded;
They like to build high walls in their hearts, and under the protection of high walls, they can enjoy the joy of liking others and chasing others with peace of mind.
END
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