The Augmentation of the Sages says:
"A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June."
A word of sympathy and understanding can give people encouragement and confidence, even in the cold winter can feel the warmth of spring. On the contrary, an untimely sentence is like a sharp sword piercing a person's fragile soul, even in the hot June, you can feel the chill.
In dealing with people, the importance of words is self-evident.
In fact, it is more important for a family. The closer the person is, the more they will pay attention to each other's every word, and a little attention can cause suspicion and resentment, causing a rift in each other's relationship, and resenting for a lifetime.
Even if it is inevitable that there will be bumps in the road between relatives, but the past will pass, do not repeat the nagging, keep talking and going. Some things are not that they are relatives who do not care about each other, but that they are especially important because they are relatives.
For the elders in a family, if they want to play a pivotal role in the family, they must know what not to say, especially when their age is gradually rising, which will directly affect the direction of their relationship with their children.
Therefore, when people are old, there are some things that cannot be easily said to their children, and they must rot in their stomachs.
1 You have something unfair to your child
As the saying goes, "Parents look at their children and think that the palms of their hands are all meat." ”
After all, for parents, every child is their own flesh and blood, no one can be lacking, and no child can be replaced.
However, the fate of the ill-fated, the creation of people, many times will make some parents make a choice, in the treatment of children, can not be a bowl of water flat, their own children have a difference in treatment.
In the movie "Tangshan Earthquake", the two brothers and sisters were crushed under the rubble, and the rescue team arrived at the critical moment, but because of the special situation, only one person could be saved.
Save your brother, or save your sister?
This difficult choice was lost to the mother who cried to death at the scene.
After some inner struggle, the mother cried and chose to save her son. The sister who heard this choice under the ruins burst into tears.
A group of people worked hard, and when the younger brother was carried out of the rubble, the ruins pressed against the sister's side collapsed violently.
The mother knelt on the ground and cried tearing her heart and lungs, and did not want to get up for a long time.
When everyone thought that her sister was unfortunately killed, she did not expect that a search and rescue team behind her rescued her.
Many years later, when her sister grew up, she was unwilling to forgive her mother, she felt that her mother only valued her brother and did not value herself at all, and she could not forgive her sister from the heart.
However, she did not know that her mother had never forgiven herself because she had done this unfair thing to her brother and sister, and she had spent most of her life in regret and self-blame...
I think that every parent under the heavens will love their children and will not favor one child without any reason and dislike another. No matter what causes you to do such a wrong thing, don't mention it again, saying it once will hurt the children once and deepen the resentment of the other party.
For children, from childhood to adulthood, they attach great importance to their sense of importance in the hearts of their parents, do not want to be ignored, indifferent, and hope to be treated equally, so do not do unfair things to children, and do not mention it many times.
2 Fragments of thoughts about things that children make themselves angry and sad
For children, the happiest thing is to make their parents' faces shine through their own struggles; on the contrary, for them, the most feared thing is that their parents think that they are not out of the woods and often make them angry.
This is because as children, the heart has always longed for the approval and affirmation of their parents, which is one of the driving forces for their endless struggle.
However, for parents, it is necessary to encourage their children more, rather than hitting them often, and not to think about the things that their children make them angry and sad.
Some people think that their own children are so honest, and talking about it is also a kind of encouragement. In fact, it is not easy to truly grasp the scale of this level, and when complaining like Xianglin sister-in-law in front of the children again and again, the longer the time, the more frustrated the children will be, and they will think that even if the parents are old, they still look down on themselves and are still dissatisfied with themselves, which will affect the relationship between the two people.
Therefore, the past should not be mentioned again, the past will pass, even if some people are old and like to talk and like to turn over, the things just said a few days ago, these days are mentioned again, but we must remember not to always say in front of their children that they make them sad and angry, everyone will grow up slowly, everyone will slowly mature, the more you keep nagging, will not let them become better and better, but some people choose to break the jar and break, and eventually harm the children.
3 Complaining about the inferiority of children to others
As the saying goes: "People are most afraid of comparison." ”
When a person has the heart to compare, no matter how you live, you will still not be satisfied, because you will only envy other people's scenery, and will not care about your own possessions.
For parents who are slowly aging, this is even more true in the attitude towards their children.
No matter when and where, they are your unique sons, and they should be the best and the best in your eyes. On the contrary, instead of always complaining that they are inferior to others, and always measuring the growth of their children by other people's achievements, this will not make them better and better, but will only make them worse and worse.
When you say that your children are inferior to others, they may only endure. However, when they grow up, if you still talk about this idea, it will only provoke a strong resistance from them, and even cut them off from the family.
They are unique, they just need to live their own lives, there is no need to compare with Zhang Sanlisi. If when you are old, you always complain that your children are inferior to others, in fact, you are constantly denying yourself from the heart, and you will also think that you are a loser.
Less complaining, more encouragement, there is no need for children to live like others, as long as they can have their own piece of happiness is enough.
As the saying goes: "Be careful in your words and deeds, and act steadily and far." ”
For parents, if you want to maintain a good relationship with your children for a lifetime, too often it is not to say whatever you want, but to know how to exercise restraint, and do not say one of the three aspects mentioned above repeatedly, not only will not make the relationship between each other more and more strong, but will gradually let the children alienate themselves.
Therefore, when people are old, it is also a kind of wisdom to know how not to say.
-END-