Competitiveness is precious, and be sure to help your child protect it

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Encyclopedia of parenting for 0-8 years old

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When this young master of my family loses his temper, he must be empathetic, I just follow his emotions once, and then hug him, and he will be fine. But I am facing another super headache problem, the sense of winning and losing is super strong, that is, playing games he can only win and can not lose, how to get it done?

There's a term in psychology called "learned powerlessness," and the concept originated from a somewhat inhuman experiment: putting a dog in a cage and electrocuting it, the dog trying to break out of the cage in vain, and having to endure painful electric shocks. After many electric shocks, open the cage door and shock the dog again, this time the dog does not escape, only to fall to the ground moaning and trembling, passively waiting for the electric shock to pass.

Sometimes, like this poor dog, people are hit too much, frustrated too much, they will think that they "can't do it anyway", so they refuse to make any more attempts, and they have a "sense of learned powerlessness".

Therefore, in education, in fact, it is especially necessary to avoid a child's sense of learned powerlessness, just as the so-called "mourning is greater than heart death", a child suffers too many setbacks, competitiveness and arrogance are gone, but pride and self-confidence are gone!

I can understand that raising a child who is too high-minded and too competitive is indeed very torturous, and the bear child cries and makes a big fuss as soon as he loses, and it does not look like a word.

However, this trait only bothers you in the child's infancy, and when the child grows up, who eats first and wears shoes first will naturally feel childish and bored. At this time, the child will begin to pursue more challenging goals, the time for parents to receive welfare will arrive, this kind of like to be competitive children born with a strong internal drive, you do not need to give him any ideal education in life to persuade him to advance, he will naturally run forward with full horsepower, the stronger he is, the more satisfied he is, the better he does, the more pleasure he has, such a child can not stop you from working hard. Such a strong personality, not only is not a shortcoming, but a child's excellent quality Ah is there!

My hairy personality, which tormented me when I was 9 years old, is now all a shining point. Whether it is solving problems or playing the piano, on the strength of not accepting defeat and not willing to give up, and must be stuck to the end, I feel that I should admire him as an adult.

Competitiveness is precious, and be sure to help your child protect it.

In fact, the problem that we parents have been suffering from is not the child's competitive spirit, but the "strong emotions" brought about by the competitive spirit.

When the child fails, loses, and the emotions of disappointment in himself come surging forward, he does not know how to deal with it, he will not control it, and he will be sad in his heart, and there will be a phenomenon of crying and making a big fuss.

So we don't need to eliminate the child's competitive spirit, just need to help the child channel the disappointment of the emotions, let the child's emotional intelligence grow, and eventually can deal with these emotions appropriately, the kind of "one loss and make trouble" annoying behavior, will naturally disappear.

In fact, it's even a natural process that doesn't require too much interference. There are more experiences in life, more frustrations experienced, and children naturally react less strongly to failure as they grow older. Don't worry about the child is too smooth, the heart is fragile, there is no such thing, the child's trouble is a lot of good!

Children are not as carefree as we think, and they have to face even more frustration every day than adults: wearing bad socks is frustration, peeing on pants is frustration, drawing badly is frustration, walking can not keep up with adults is frustration... There are setbacks everywhere in the world, it is too difficult!

That's why they are so persistent and eager to "win", want to be "first", and want to prove themselves from these successful things: I'm still good, I'm still great! In this way, you can build the confidence at the beginning of life!

For the sake of the child's pride and self-confidence, cooperate with the child, let him get a few more "firsts", and win you more than a few times. It's really not habitual to him.

Of course, to let the child, you can't blindly let the child win, you will always lose a lot, this kind of winning is not meaningful, the child will soon see that you let him. This kind of winning does not produce self-confidence, but rather produces the wrong idea that "others should let me".

It is best to create a fierce scene where the score is very sticky, and the child you chase me, and then let him win at the last moment, so that he feels that he really won through his own efforts. Such a win is meaningful to the child.

You can also gradually train children's sensitivity to "losing" in this process of "letting", so that children feel less and less concerned about losing, especially the kind of games that can be played repeatedly:

At the beginning, you can let your child lose once in ten, and the child is likely to be happy to win, and will find that it is nothing to lose once in a while.

When you find that your child can accept failure, you can gradually increase the number of points, win five or six times and lose once, and gradually win three or four times and lose once.

At most, it will reach the proportion of almost the child winning three times and losing twice, that is, the overall child must win a little more than lose. Children can experience a lot of failures, but also can hope to continue to play and work hard.

What if it's something that parents can't control the outcome of winning or losing?

There is no need to do anything, this is the same as wearing bad socks, always peeing pants, is some of the things that children must experience in life, let him go with the flow to experience, to thwart it!

When the child is not convinced by the failure and loses his temper, he will hold him in his arms, let him cry well, calm down, and then guide him to pour out his grievances and channel his emotions well.

Let the child continue to learn in these experiences, there are always people in the world who are better than you, winning and losing always has an element of luck, failure is very uncomfortable, but there is no way, can only accept, next time to work harder.

You can also praise your child's efforts and progress instead of focusing on the results of the competition: I can see that you are running very hard, and I find that you are much faster than last time!

All in all, it is normal for children to feel pain and sadness for failure. Don't blame the child for losing his temper, be patient with him, comfort him, let the emotions slowly pass, and the child will naturally grow.

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