Today I want to tell you a secret about attraction, the real secret of long-term attraction, is the bottom demand match!
Often people say, I am not beautiful or excellent, how to attract others, keep others? Or, why doesn't he love me, is it because I'm so bad?
No, he doesn't love you, not because you're not good enough.
The attraction of external conditions is only the shallowest level of attraction, and the substitution is too strong, which I generally call "stepping stones".
And a person can be attracted to another person for a long time, there are very deep psychological motivations. It must be this person who can meet your underlying core needs, not only in appearance or material, but also in the subconscious.
For example, if he subconsciously wants to be controlled and arranged, and you are a lord who pleases you, then the other party cannot love you. And this can't be changed, it has to do with the initial setting of the two of you.
What is the initial setting, to put it bluntly, is the personality model created by the original family environment, some people's bottom needs are like this, some people are like that, different families and personal emotional experiences, resulting in different parts of each person's inner missing parts.
That's why men who have lacked love since childhood like sister-type partners. This is also the reason why some men will fall in love with women who are inferior to their wives in all aspects, it is his lack that creates his aesthetic and attachment, and in the same way, your lack also causes your attachment.
Many people's troubles are that the person I love deeply does not love me, and to put it bluntly, people can fill the black hole in your heart, but you can't fill him.
Is it because you're not good enough to fill his black hole? Of course not, it has little to do with your value, this is a matter of matching degree, there is no reason at all, because this is related to the relationship between a person's original family and the parenting model, which is deeply rooted in our subconscious, and this is also the underlying logic of "love is unreasonable".
So I never encourage the chase and punch, I hope that when a girl falls in love with a man who does not love you enough, she must not immediately fall into self-denial and doubt, feel that she is not good enough, not attractive, and has an inferiority complex, and is discouraged to herself.
Through rational analysis, you should attribute the cause to factors beyond your control, so that you will feel much better.
On the other hand, two people who seem to be less compatible by worldly standards may love each other for a lifetime. The same is true of the logic behind it.
For example, when a boy with a very mixed temperament and a well-behaved girl first got together, everyone felt that they were not a good match, but the two people had a special sense of belonging to each other.
Girls have not even rebelled from adolescence since childhood, and have been growing up in the greenhouse, so they are particularly fascinated by the savage growth of the vitality of the boy and the thunderous means of wisdom and courage, and his ability also gives the girl a great sense of security.
Boys lack maternal love and emotional communication from an early age, so they are very attached to girls who are born with strong motherhood. In the end, everyone around them felt that they were a pair made in heaven, and they would never say that the little bastard was not worthy of such a cultured person as a well-behaved woman, or that a well-behaved woman was not worthy of such a rich person as a small.
So don't have the obsession that "only if I'm perfect enough, I'm worthy of being loved," and don't cling to someone who doesn't love you. Love is the last thing to work on, and the premise of running a relationship is to love each other and whether we can be the one who can meet each other's bottom needs.
If a person makes you feel very tired, as if he is not satisfied with what you do, it means that you have not met the underlying needs of the other party, first find his needs, and then meet them.
But at the same time, there is a question of whether you are willing to change yourself for this person.
I must remind you that you should make the efforts to do, but master the degree, do not let yourself lose yourself, first remember that you are very good, very valuable, secondly, you are born as a person, who is not whose shadow and supporting role, do not wronged yourself to light up others, you have to remember, you have to love yourself very, very much, to have the energy to meet true love, understand?
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C