For the attitude of making men pay for themselves, many women avoid talking about it, or dare not try.
Because they are afraid that when they make a request, they will be rejected by men, and they are afraid that they will be labeled as "material" and "gold worship".
In short, they don't like to let men pay for themselves, and they are afraid of feeling guilty and indebted.
Therefore, when men give them gifts, they will definitely pay the same price, or more expensive;
When we go out to dinner together, we will also find a way to AA system;
Usually, when they celebrate birthdays and festivals, they never take the initiative to ask men for gifts.
They call this kind of sensible, independent and considerate, and they don't know that a relationship that does not require others to pay any cost is the cheapest, and the easiest not to be cared for.
And when we deal with feelings, we must know that how much a man pays is directly proportional to how much he cares, and only when he pays the cost, he will care because he is afraid of loss.
Therefore, we must learn to guide men to pay for themselves.
So, how to guide a man to be willing to give for you? These three psychological techniques can be tried.
The law of value swapping: Let the other person know that we are worth paying
Fan Shengmei in the TV series "Ode to Joy" looks particularly beautiful, and Qu Lianjie is also because of her beauty, so he pursues her.
Buy her beautiful clothes, give her a shopping card worth thousands of dollars, and invite her to play golf.
However, when Fan Shengmei's father was hospitalized and needed surgery but she had no money, Qu Lianjie, who was a boyfriend, was unwilling to give a penny.
Because he knew that Fan Shengmei's family was a bottomless pit, except for the pleasing eyes, she could not give herself other values, but there was no shortage of good-looking people in this world.
Therefore, Qu Lianjie refused to pay the price for Fan Shengmei.
Such an approach sounds very cruel, but the reality is like this, there is value to be willing to pay, no one wants to take a bamboo basket to hit the water empty, not to mention the man who is good at profit and avoids harm.
The Selfish Gene mentions: "Selfishness is the innate gene of every human being. All relations are essentially exchanges of value; without exchange of values, there is no relationship. ”
Therefore, if you want men to willingly pay for themselves, the first step is to enhance their own value and let men know that his efforts are rewarding and worthwhile.
Raise the level of self-exposure: Don't be afraid of rejection, dare to try
After being rejected, people will have a sense of frustration in their hearts, and there will also be a sense of loss that the ideal and reality do not match.
So, we don't like rejection, and we don't like the feeling after rejection.
To avoid all the bad outcomes, we avoid all the beginnings, once and for all.
However, in love, it is precisely because there will be such concerns that many women do not dare to ask for it at all, and over time, feelings will become cheap.
People get along with each other, some people, as soon as they see each other, easily live happily, and some people are particularly unfamiliar and always have a bad life.
The reason for this situation lies in the level of self-exposure of people.
The so-called self-exposure is to show yourself, to say your needs generously, to be accepted, then to be happy, it does not matter if you are rejected.
In short, everything must be tried to know, and only when it is raised can it be known whether it will be rejected or accepted.
Instead of saying that because of concerns, you don't even dare to say anything about the request, then the final result will only be nothing.
Happiness is to rely on oneself to fight, as Shen Baofeng said: "Happiness will not fall from the sky for no reason, and there will be compensation after hard work." No one can be brilliant casually, unless it's just a good dream. ”
The threshold effect: Gaining inches can increase the cost of the other party
There is a threshold effect in psychology: if we initially put forward a requirement with a high difficulty coefficient, then the probability of rejection will be very large;
Suppose we start by making a request with a low difficulty factor, and the other party agrees to it.
Then, when we again ask for a higher difficulty factor, the probability of being promised increases.
This is the threshold effect.
In order to maintain the consistency of cognition, people usually do not reject others when they promise others to do something.
When we are guiding men to pay for themselves, we can use this threshold effect.
First propose something that can be easily accomplished, test whether the other party will agree, and if so, then then put forward higher requirements, and so on.
Writer Feng Tang said: "Dare to be yourself, dare to express yourself, dare to please yourself, in order to stand in their own position in this chaotic world, live their own pattern." "O woman, only when she begins to think for herself can she be happy.