He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
In "Deer Ding", Wei Xiaobao said a sentence:
"I'm not a good person, I only do business."
The meaning behind this sentence is:
When getting along with people, don't always think that "it is a blessing to suffer losses", but to operate social networking as a business.
You give up some of your own benefits and benefits, others accept your affection, and in the follow-up interaction, give you the corresponding feedback, the deal can continue to be done, this person is worth paying.
However, you always suffer losses and give up benefits, but the other party takes it for granted; at this time, you not only lose your own interests, but also be put together by the other party, and this business cannot continue to be done.
We often hear a saying: to suffer losses is to be blessed, and to be kind.
But kindness is not to give up one's own interests at will, but to do something and not to do something.
-01
There are three realms of kindness: blindness, initial intention, and trade-offs
The first layer of kindness: blind kindness, is a kind of "foolish goodness"
In fact, foolishness is like foolish filial piety.
This reminds me of Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy".
Dragged down by her original family, Fan Shengmei's life unconsciously went downhill.
There are "vampire" parents, there is a brother who will only reach out for money without controversy, such a family is a disaster for Fan Shengmei.
Even more helpless, Fan Shengmei himself is not only unclear, but also particularly foolish.
She was overly concerned about her original family, but she did not think about herself at all.
A girl works hard in a big city, with a bright and beautiful surface, but licks her wounds alone behind her back, like a wounded cat.
If Fan Shengmei could be more ruthless and clear, her life would not be so bad.
This is the case with the foolish.
Their thinking seems to be shackled: they must be kind, and it is a blessing to suffer losses.
But in fact, they suffer losses and think about others, but in the end it is difficult to get the respect of others.
In the same way, in "Ode to Joy", Qu Xiaoxiu is another example.
She can lend money to friends and money to outsiders, but will tell them explicitly: You have to give me an IOU.
Feelings are feelings, buying and selling is buying and selling, borrowing money is borrowing money, this is to carry clear.
If you help others, you will not end up in a situation of "not being able to do your best".
Blind kindness, only knowing how to do good deeds, but not thinking about oneself and one's family at all, is the typical "foolishness".
The second layer of kindness: the original heart
The original heart can also be called the "original heart".
What is the original mind?
This reminds me of "the beginning of man, nature is good".
This sentence expresses the original heart of people, and people should be born kind.
Although some idealization, a person's kindness is inseparable from the education of the original family, the environment of growth, and the consciousness and thinking ideas generated after reading.
"Don't forget your original intention, you have to be consistent."
Kindness is a person's background and should be imprinted in the bones.
Such kindness is that they never do things that hurt others, and they pay attention to principles and have a sense of proportion.
Gentlemen do something and don't do something.
Maybe they will make certain decisions in order to obtain certain benefits; but these decisions will not cause essential harm to others.
For example:
You take the bus and there are no seats on the bus.
When I arrived at a platform, there were many people getting off the bus, and 1 seat was vacated.
At this time, are you sitting in this empty seat?
Someone said, "I still don't sit, leave it for the old man to sit at the next stop." ”
But why don't you sit on it?
You want to be kind, you have kindness, and you should build on certain values that you yourself have.
Isn't it irresponsible for yourself to feel bad about yourself, dragging your tired body, but still wanting to do good deeds?
Therefore, you should sit down and rest first, and then think about it when someone needs to give up their seat when they get in the car.
The third layer of goodness: trade-offs
If a person wants to live well, it is inseparable from "weighing".
The essence of social networking is a value swap; and the basis of value swap is trade-off.
You can't always maintain a interchangeable posture with everyone around you, right?
You have to sift through them and choose someone who is good for you and who can also provide value to him to do good.
Moreover, on the basis of your good deeds, it will not cause you harm.
For example:
Friends have a problem and want to borrow money from you.
At this time, on what basis do you lend him money?
The first look at character, the second look at friendship, and the third look at his use.
Other people's character is not good, poor reputation, borrowing money never pays back, will you still lend him money?
The two of you have a mediocre relationship and haven't been in touch for a long time, do you lend him money?
He borrows money, not for emergencies, but not to think of making progress, no money to spend, so he asked you to borrow money, how do you choose?
That's the trade-off, screening.
Weigh the pros and cons and screen reliable people.
-02
The goodness of people should be based on the "self"
Human nature is actually selfish.
The emergence of the great good man is also based on the fact that he has certain advantages and has sufficient value.
There is an interesting case of consultation:
A female reader confided in me that her husband was a "good old man".
The family has no money to spend, the children have to spend money to go to school, the husband's income is not high, and he has to lend money to friends and neighbors.
The husband's purpose in doing this is to create a good personality in the outside world.
At home, I don't do housework, I don't take care of my family, and others have things to help, but my husband is particularly attentive.
You say, is this called kindness?
Not being good for your family, not considering the life at home, and letting yourself fall into the strange circle of "good old people" is a problem in itself.
This is not kindness, but ignorance.
Kindness is a virtue, and that's true.
But your kindness, which should be given to those who deserve it, should be built on the basis of not harming your own interests.
Today's Topic:
How do you see "goodness" and "foolishness"?
(Article with picture source network)