Fan Shengmei is a character in "Ode to Joy" and the epitome of many girls in real life.
01
Fan Shengmei in the TV series is a lucky one
Fan Shengmei's brother is a person who has no ability to cause trouble. Fan Shengmei works in a big city and has a decent job, but she lives a very bad life.
She shares a house with others, she is meticulous, her salary, to bear her own rent, food, clothing, housing and transportation, to buy a house for her brother in her hometown to pay off the mortgage, and to spend a lot of money at any time to catch trouble with her brother.
Her mother called him for money, and she would do everything she could to satisfy her mother, because it was her mother across the phone, and it was her brother who had an accident, and she didn't care, who else could take care of it? She's always done that.
In order to have money, she tried to blend into the upper class and wanted to catch a golden turtle husband once and for all.
Unfortunately, even if she wears a brand of hard work and wears one mask after another on her face, she still can't hide her fatigue and ambition to climb up. She is just someone else's "plaything", the "fishing girl" in the eyes of others.
Fan Shengmei in the TV series is lucky, she met more powerful characters, the sober-minded returnee Andy, and the fierce-minded Qu Xiaoxiu, who provided her with new solutions.
In the end, she successfully escaped her mother's endless demands, sold her house to solve her difficulties, and gave herself a way to live.
But in real life, "Fan Shengmei" is not so lucky, many of them, in their lives, can not get rid of their parents' endless demand.
02
The realistic version of "Fan Shengmei" is still struggling to support
I know that a netizen asked for help, she said that she is the real version of Fan Shengmei.
She has an unconventional brother and an unreliable sister-in-law. The brother-in-law does not do the right thing, the parents only have retirement wages, and the economy is not rich. She used her own salary to buy a house for her brother-in-law in the city, and the source of her brother-in-law's income was the rent of this house.
Every time her mother called her, it was related to money, asking her to help her brother-in-law and lend money to her brother-in-law to do small business. When she didn't want to agree, her mother said over and over again, this is the last time, you have to believe your brother, even you don't believe in your brother, he will be completely ruined.
So, every time she received a call to give money, she would soften her heart, although she knew in her heart that this could not be the last time.
Now her own marriage has also been affected, and her husband has a great opinion of her, saying that marrying her is marrying her a large family. Her husband quarreled with her and mentioned divorce many times. She was confused and didn't know what to do?
As bystanders, we can easily tell her that you can't always satisfy your parents' endless demands, and you have to learn to refuse.
But in the face of the parents who gave birth to her and raised her, in the face of her brother, how strong can she be to stand by and watch?
Many girls who have similar experiences with Fan Shengmei are struggling. On the one hand, it is an economic burden, and on the other hand, it is a trouble of human affection. Born as a daughter, is there only one way to satisfy the wishes of parents without a bottom line?
03
Patriarchal, deep-rooted existence
If a girl grew up in a patriarchal family, would she resent this bad habit and not favor sons over daughters? The answer is, it's hard to say.
Knowing that there was a high praise answer, the answer was her colleague. When this colleague was a little girl, he was promised a fool, because this fool had a sister who could be her brother's daughter-in-law. The brother married his sister-in-law first, and when she grew up, he asked her to marry a fool.
On the eve of marriage, the little girl stole more than a dozen dollars from the family, got on the train and ran, thinking that it was better to marry a fool than to die. Instead of this, it is better to take the train to the farthest place, whether it is dead or alive.
So she left home and went to the terminal of the train, where she rented a small house, met the landlord's son, and got married. She was also brave enough to escape her fate. But the next plot is a bit puzzling.
One day, she went to work with a blue nose and a swollen face, saying that her husband had beaten her. Because she told her husband that she was going to throw away her daughter and have another son, she was beaten by her husband.
When she was a child, she was not liked by her parents and suffered enough from the preference for sons and daughters. But she became a mother, and she was still the one who preferred sons to daughters.
The four words of son preference are as deep-rooted as a cancer, and cannot be changed overnight.
If she is unfortunate to be born in a patriarchal family, if she is like Fan Shengmei, she has to face endless blackmail from her parents, what should the girl do?
04
Girl, your name is not weak
Luo Luo, a girl who died unexpectedly in Hangzhou, Zhejiang, wrote such a sentence on Weibo: "I would rather spend money to buy out my family affection, and I will never owe each other." ”
If you can really spend money to buy out family affection, things will become simpler, but family affection is constantly bought.
For "Fan Shengmei" type girls, satisfying their parents' demands is the so-called "family affection". But for Fan Shengmei, do her parents really have affection for her?
Accept the reality that parents don't love themselves
Fan Shengmei's mother, every time she called her, she affectionately called her "Xiaomei", but she never cared about how her Xiaomei lived, she only cared about how much money her Xiaomei made and how much money she could send her.
Fan Shengmei convinces herself every time with affection and sends money to her mother, but she ignores that her parents have no affection for her at all. She just doesn't want to accept the reality that her parents don't love her.
The love of parents should be selfless and noble, but some parents are "poisonous", that is, they do not love their children, that is, they only like their sons and do not like their daughters. Only by bravely accepting the reality that parents do not love themselves and saving themselves from the lie of "affection" can we have a new life.
Do not easily deny your own value
Not getting the love of your parents just because you're a girl and you're not a son is not something you can decide. So, it's not your fault not to be loved by your parents, and don't easily deny your own value.
For Fan Shengmei, when sending money to her parents at the beginning, there may be a feeling of raising an eyebrow: You are partial to liking my brother, and in the end you still have to rely on me? She will take the help of her brother as a manifestation of her own value until she is finally overwhelmed.
The value of girls cannot rely on the affirmation of others, but to realize the inner self. Relying on the affirmation of others will only plunge yourself into the strange circle of meeting the needs of others without a bottom line, because only by meeting the needs of others can others give affirmation. Such a value is too expensive to realize, too heavy a burden, and too illusory.
The real value is the girl's self-identification. I am unique, I can do what I want to do, I have my own work and life, I am an independent me.
I hope that Fan Shengmei in reality can also be like Fan Shengmei in the TV series, see the kidnapping of her parents in the name of family affection, and find the value that really belongs to herself.