"Children who are often praised are more confident".
"Good kids are exaggerated.".
Nowadays, praising children has become a necessary skill for parents.
"You're awesome", "You're so smart", "You remembered it so quickly, it's amazing", "Wow, baby, it's amazing"...
With such praise, you expect to harvest a confident child.
But as the child grows up, you will find that the child's resistance to frustration is very poor, especially care about winning or losing, avoiding difficult things, and when it encounters failure, it is angry and discouraged.
In fact, praising children is a technical job, and it cannot be used in a way that not only cannot play a good effect, but also adds many obstacles to the growth of children.
01, such a praise for the child, is to harm him
A scholar went to a professor's house as a guest, and as soon as he entered the door, he saw the professor's 5-year-old daughter, who hurriedly gave the little girl the gift she had brought.
The girl smiled and thanked her. She couldn't help but praise: "You look so beautiful, so cute!" ”
At this time, the professor standing next to him not only did not feel happy that his daughter was praised, but instead sank his face.
She said solemnly to the scholar: "You hurt my daughter, you have to apologize to her."
The scholar was very surprised, "I was praising her, and I didn't hurt her!" ”
The professor shook her head resolutely and said: "You praise her for being beautiful, but the beauty is determined by my genes with her father, not by her efforts, and it has nothing to do with her personally."
But the child is very small, she will not distinguish, your praise, will make her think that looking beautiful is her skill. ”
Moreover, such a judgment will make him proud of his appearance, and will also make her look down on ugly children.
This is misleading her.
You can compliment her for being polite, praise her smile, it's her own effort. ”
Hearing this, the scholar suddenly realized and apologized to the professor's daughter, re-praising her smile and courtesy.
Through our praise, the child will form an interpretation of things.
"Pretty, handsome, smart," ... These innate advantages should not become the capital and skills that children show off. Because it is likely to mislead the child.
Let them think that without effort, they can get rewards simply by relying on their outstanding appearance and clever brain.
Thus refusing to work hard, can not bear failure, setbacks.
In addition, if you are often surprised that your child "learns so quickly", you will also send him a message: I must learn something quickly to prove that I am smart.
This way they will reject tasks that require long periods of training.
This wrong way of knowing will not only affect the way the child behaves when he is a child, but also have many negative effects on his adult life. It became the biggest obstacle to his progress.
Therefore, the wrong way of praise by parents will not only not make the child more confident, but also make the child miserable.
02, the child should be so exaggerated
Of course, praise, giving positive feedback to children is very necessary.
So how do you praise your child?
When a child achieves a good result and does a great thing, do not directly praise the result he has achieved, but guide him to pay attention to the process.
Praise his efforts in the process, praise the qualities he shows in the process, such as perseverance, continuous attempts, serious attitude, etc.
Or help him recall the joys he gained in the process.
It's all about teaching children to focus on the process, not the outcome.
It should also be noted that if the child is very relaxed, he has achieved good results.
At this time, there is no need to praise the results, but to inspire him whether he can set a higher goal for himself.
It's telling him that growth is more important than success.
A person who pays attention to growth rarely wastes his life energy on the attachment of comparison and results, and lives more easily.
A person who pays attention to growth, no matter what he does, can be more engaged, more enjoyable, and live happier.
A person who pays attention to growth can maximize his potential and live a more exciting life.
Therefore, the way parents praise and the attitude towards their children will directly affect what kind of person he becomes.
I hope that every child can become a confident, happy, and successful person under the correct encouragement of their parents.
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