The biggest "shadow" of childhood: you are the older sister, and you want to let the younger brother

Has the way your parents are educated have had any impact on you now? When you become a parent, what experiences do you not want your children to repeat?

Let's listen to the story of Bao Ma @ Yuanzai Mama from Lilac Mother Planet.

My childhood was not happy

Childhood is always accompanied by words such as innocence and beauty. They all said, "A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal." For children, the world is simple, a lollipop may be happy for a long time, and to destroy this happiness is also very simple, it may only take an adult a word of indifference.

In my childhood, I heard many heartfelt words, such as "you are a lazy bone", "Why are you so timid", "tomorrow help you buy ×× (never realized)", one of the most annoying and memorable to me is the sentence "You are a sister, you want to let your brother!" Not one of them. And the person who says this to me most often is my mother.

I am 4 years older than my brother, I don't remember what happened before he was born, and many of the experiences I had growing up with him have become blurred, except for "You are a sister, let your brother!" This sentence has been with me for a long time.

"You're a sister, you want to let your brother!" When did this state begin? I remember it from my brother's "terrible two years old."

In fact, when my mother first told me that I wanted to let my brother, I was not disgusted, after all, I was so much older than him, and there was nothing wrong with letting him. What I resented was that again and again, my mother never asked what the facts were, and whenever we had a conflict, she always blamed me first and then asked me to let my brother go.

He always "bullied" me! "Snap!" Give me a slap, or just grab me in the face. If I don't resist, he goes on with a "hehehehehe As soon as my mother heard him crying, she came up and indiscriminately put her arms around my brother and scolded me.

"Why don't you keep your brother!"

"He hit me first!"

"If he hits you, you won't let him!" How do you do sister!"

Sometimes I will be wronged, I will cry, but my mother will say, "All so big, crying and crying, you are still so ignorant as a sister, I don't know how to let my brother!" 」

The influence of "sensible" on me

However, as a sister, born to understand things, should you let your brother?

I remember that at that time, my brother and I especially liked to eat fragrant letters (dried shiitake mushrooms), which was usually only available when my mother cooked soup during the New Year's Festival, and usually she only put five or six flowers at a time.

My brother and I used to fight over these incense letters, but my mother hardly paid attention to me. As long as my brother wants to eat, or he wants to grab it with me, then the last thing that is said must be me, and even the incense letter is clipped into the bowl by me, as long as the brother stares straight in the eyes and cries and wants to eat, my mother will also take it out of my bowl.

Finally, after many lessons, I learned to be "smart.". Every time, after my mother cooked the soup, I took advantage of my brother's lack of attention and ate it first, because it was common to be burned for this reason. Sometimes, I would also secretly hide the incense letter, and the most common thing I would do was to fill a large bowl of rice, and then bury the incense letter in the rice, raise the bowl a little higher when eating, so that my brother would not see it, and then slip it off along with the rice. Whenever this "trick succeeds," I feel particularly satisfied.

Later, it evolved into, I bought snacks, I would also secretly hide them, and eat them alone. I am not unwilling to be a "good sister", nor am I unwilling to share, but if what originally belonged to me is ruthlessly snatched away, and I am accused of "not understanding things and not letting my brother", then why should I find trouble for myself?

"You're a sister, you want to let your brother!" But why? Just because I'm older than him? But the order of birth is not something I can decide. I was just a kid! Why is it that when an older sister is born, she has to let her brother go? Why should I be more sensible when I am a sister? I hate this humility! Sometimes I think that if the economic conditions of our family at that time were not enough to support the tuition fees of our sisters and brothers, I am afraid that on the road to school, my mother would definitely ask me to let my brother go.

It was because of my mother's unfair treatment that I didn't like my brother very much since I was a child, and even hated him a little, let alone how much I had feelings for him. Even now, we're all adults, I don't need to "let" him go, and we have less contact with each other. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to avoid him and stay away from him.

This unfair treatment of my mother also made me grow up with often self-doubt, and even derived a "sacrificial and flattering personality". Am I unworthy of being "loved"? Am I not doing a good enough job? How can it be satisfactory? Oh, and if someone is unhappy about doing this, that's definitely my fault!

Beforehand, I thought about satisfying everyone; in the middle of the matter, I was afraid of being corrected; afterwards, I was afraid of being blamed; I was always used to finding reasons for things wrong.

I love both children

Now that I'm a second-born mother, the unpleasant experiences of my childhood have made me pay more attention to treating my two children fairly. I never asked Yuanzi to let my brother go, and even from an empathetic point of view, I would occasionally favor him, and I really didn't want my big treasure to be wronged like when I was a child. Of course, I will try to achieve "a bowl of water flat"!

I will teach my children to be humble to each other, but definitely not because of the identity of "he is the brother", age is not a reason to be humble. When children argue, I figure out who made the mistake, rather than blindly asking my brother to compromise.

Just like now, the brothers often grab things, but I never ask yuanzi to be an older brother, I have to let my brother. Many times, when Xingzai looks at the toy or picture book in Yuanzi's hand, he will "rub and rub" and crawl over to grab it, throw it away when he grabs it, throw it away and then grab it, in short, "the things in his brother's hands are always better than the incense in his own hand."

After a round or two, Yuanzi would pitifully ask me for help. At this time, I usually take one of them away from the "scene" and separate it to comfort. For Yuanzai, I will tell him that my brother actually wants to play with you, but he is now at an age that likes to "do it" but is not very able to control himself, so he likes to come and grab things from you, but don't worry, leave it to your mother to deal with.

For Star Boy, he may not necessarily understand "can't grab what his brother has in his hand", but I will still "brainwash" him and give him another toy or picture book to distract him.

I think that not favoring them can make them more friendly.

There is a line in "My Brothers and Sisters": "Brothers and sisters are snowflakes in the sky, falling on the ground, turning into water, forming ice, and they can no longer be separated."

Brothers and sisters are the closest people in the world besides their parents, and no one can replace them. What parents want to see most is that they love each other.

Teammates once asked me, which of the two children do you prefer?

I said, I like it all!

What if I had to pick one?

No, children make choices, and as a mother I love it!