1
"Isolated from home, my son has been taking online classes for half a month, and he has gone crazy."
In the circle of friends in the middle of the night yesterday, my friend Sister Fan threw out such a sentence.
She has always been a model of light clouds and light wind, and her life career with baby is like the circle of friends P good nine palace gemetu, just right.
Women are willing to bow their heads in the circle of friends, that is, to bow their heads to life.
Sister Fan is an office worker, this wave of epidemic has isolated her husband in the field, she is isolated at home, the school has been changed to an online class, three meals a day a day, online classes, homework, nucleic acid testing, food delivery solitaire, and Olympic number English violin video lessons, as if the family has opened five cram classes at the same time, she can only see stitches and needles lying in front of the computer office.
The work is a mess and can't stand it, half a month of online classes down, when the mother's mentality collapsed first.
The son of the third grade of primary school, after class, can't find the book, the exercises are not done correctly, the questions can't be answered, the homework is missed after class, the review is forgotten, and the reading punch card is the first to last.
He's on the computer, but you don't know what he's thinking.
At first it was anger, and then it slowly turned into anxiety.
Sister Fan said that before looking at her son's report card, she also joked with her husband about whether to choose Peking University or Tsinghua, and now she has begun to worry about whether her son can successfully enter high school.
Her state reminds me of a video I brushed a few days ago, a mother who accompanied her child to an online class was angry and cried after seeing the real state of her child's class: "One step can't catch up, one step can't catch up." ”
I am also a mother, and I fully understand this anxiety.
When the epidemic has turned home into a new "everyday", when the workplace, school, and life are all condensed in the family scene, we see the side that family members could not see before, some may be surprises, some may be frightened.
2
Some people are in a deep state of anxiety, and some try to learn to live with anxiety.
In the spring of the third year of the new crown epidemic, Winnie has been unemployed for a full ten months.
In the only group of well-connected colleagues who remained after leaving, some people complained that their neighborhoods were accused of working from home, but they did not know that this trouble was now a luxury.
Winnie had a good job. The company is not a "big factory", but also a company whose name can be seen in the news.
In recent years, Internet companies have been laying off employees, but she did not expect to affect herself, after all, her ability is not bad, but also the mainstay of the company's hard work.
But reality is reality, the company's strategy has been adjusted, the entire department has been cut, yesterday she was still XX total, today is an unemployed middle-aged woman at home.
After working for more than ten years, I was used to being busy and busy, and I was forced to stop, and I only felt weak in my heart.
Winnie and her husband have been looking for jobs, she is 38 years old, and it is not easy to find a suitable position in the right company.
In the past, I always heard that the workplace was extremely harsh on middle-aged people, and I really became a person in the bureau, and I knew that reality was far more cruel than imagination.
Husband has been comforting her not to worry, can not find a job, he can also support the whole family, Winnie's mood is getting worse and worse, look at nothing good, quarrel with her husband, throw tantrums at the child for no reason, and make the whole family tense.
This state of affairs lasted for more than half a year, and the opportunity came a few months ago.
A friend who did a live class asked her to save the scene and did a live broadcast, accidentally found that she had a talent for lecturing, knew that she was idle at home, and persuaded her to enter her studio.
In this way, she became a lecturer in a live class, and she laughed at herself that she did not expect that the eloquence practiced in the company's meeting to make a report could be of this use.
Winnie said, "It's not the job I want, and I'm still anxious, but before I find a new goal, at least I have something to do, which makes me feel a lot more at ease." ”
3
Are you anxious?
Or should I ask: What are you anxious about?
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According to a set of statistics from The Lancet in 2019, the proportion of anxiety disorders in China is about 7%.
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Income, work, feelings, marriage, education, personal growth... In this era when "standards" are everywhere, the world has become a huge inward spiral.
Carefree is a "luxury" for children, let alone adults in the rolling red dust.
If we want to learn to coexist with anxiety, we need to figure out where the anxiety comes from.
Whether it is a mother who is depressed by online classes, or a working woman who is wandering because of the loss of her job, most people's anxiety points to one point:
Fear and fear of the unknown.
If anger is an outlet for one's own incompetence, then anxiety is the fear of the unknown.
People are always accustomed to imagining the "future" based on the "now".
Work, marriage, family, education... If the status quo is good, it's easy to imagine a future that's also good.
What about the other way around?
People with anxiety are either dissatisfied with the status quo or worried about the future.
If the status quo is bad, it is easy to be pessimistic about the future, always worried that things will lead to bad results.
Compared with the beautiful imagination of the unknown, the "uncontrollable" brought about by the worry and fear of the unknown is stronger, so the anxiety comes.
4
Knowing where anxiety comes from, how can we live with it in a better way?
There is a sentence in "Living the Meaning of Life":
"You can't control what happens in life, but you can control your emotions and actions in the face of these things."
This is actually the most important attitude we should have towards anxiety.
First, face your anxiety correctly
Life is not a glamorous circle of friends, it is impossible to be forever sunny and white, anxiety is an objective emotion, many people will encounter.
When it appears, do not run away, face it bravely, in order to find a way to "deal with" it.
Second, set an achievable goal and take action
The simplest and most effective way to stop anxiety is to get yourself into action.
Maybe the real conditions are limited, you can't quickly launch a big action that can change the overall situation, so can you try to make a small attempt and change?
The goals that can be achieved and achieved in a short period of time do not cause excessive pressure and are easier to achieve.
For example, if you are anxious about your body, try to set a small goal of running 1 kilometer step a day;
If you're anxious about education, try setting a small goal of helping your child break a bad habit every week;
If you're anxious about work, try setting a small goal of "I'm going to do this this month."
Like Winnie in the story, when she can't find the right job, she tries to enter a new field, and although that is not her ultimate goal, she regains her action and confidence in this attempt.
It is more important to move than to wait, which is the meaning of "short-term goals".
Third, keep your own rhythm
In this age when information is all fragmented, too much information influences our thinking and influences our choices.
Knowing how to make trade-offs is also a sign of a person's maturity, and one of the most important things in the wisdom of "no anxiety" is to learn to maintain their own rhythm.
Don't be harsh on yourself, don't be affected by the noise of judgment and choice, work hard in your own way, fight at your own rhythm, and finally you can get the best result for you.
Fourth, abandon the "ineffective anxiety"
What is "ineffective anxiety"?
There is no way to consider whether it will happen, just the anxiety that dissipates your emotions, which is ineffective anxiety.
Just like there will be some people around, always worried about the big and small things that have not happened, always in anxiety, so that the people around them are also nervous.
Carnegie once said that 90 percent of what you're worried about won't happen.
Although there is some chicken soup, it is really unnecessary to worry about everything that has not yet happened.
Good or bad, people can't control everything, everyone has a "uncontrollable" time for life, if your life is stuffed with those "ineffective anxieties", good luck may not be able to squeeze in.
Author: Gong Gong Smith
Editor: Fan Yan
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