The child's reluctance to speak should not be ignored, as it is a matter of the child's mental health!
Maybe you're always busy and can't care about the details of your child's life.
Maybe you've sensed something is wrong and are asking a psychiatrist.
You even complain to your friends or spouses: How come children aren't so close? Why wouldn't he want to talk to me!
Behavioral psychology studies this problem and summarizes the following reasons why children don't speak, as well as ways to teach you how to improve.
Typical problems:
"I tried to talk to him, but he just muttered a word or two about me."
"I never knew what was going on in school, my kids would just say 'good' or 'okay.'"
That's frustrating, right?
You put in the effort, but you encounter silence.
Unfortunately, we can't change our children, but we can change the way we interact with them.
Take a look at the issues listed below and see if any one or a few apply to you. Then, try some suggested scenarios.
Why your child won't talk to you (and how to try to improve):
You're trying to solve their own problems:
Parents often think their child needs advice or a solution to their problem. Instead of listening to our children and listening to their point of view, we added our own opinions and ideas.
You can ask questions instead of giving them an answer: "Do you need help with this?" ”
suggestion:
Encourage brainstorming and problem solving.
Let your child try their own ideas, even though this may not be the perfect solution.
Are you talking too much?
If your child is more introverted, they may need time to be quiet, alone, or dealing with your problems. If your child is more outgoing, they may need more time to talk.
Ask open-ended questions and wait for their responses.
Listen without interrupting.
Silent support.
Are you very picky?
Your child may not talk to you because they are afraid of your reaction. They may feel like you're going to criticize their decision, say something negative to a friend, or give a punitive consequence.
Pay attention to your reactions and stay neutral.
Ask questions for more details, rather than jumping to conclusions
Check your child's feelings or their thoughts, "How does this make you feel?" Or"What do you think of this decision?" ”
You're distracted:
Your child may be ready to speak, but you're not taking the cue because you're busy. Or, your child may be tired of competing for attention with your phone or computer.
Monitor your level of distraction throughout the day, what needs to change?
Put away your phone during time with your child, especially when your child comes home from school or you come home from work.
If you're really busy at this point, rearrange the time to communicate with your child and tell him or her, "I want to give you all my attention, but I'm going to send you an important email now, and in an hour we'll be able to really concentrate." (Remember to follow up!) ）
You force him or her to talk:
When parents worry about their children, they often struggle to figure out what the problem is. Asking questions without getting a response is frustrating, and it's hard when our kids don't know why they're struggling.
Look for alternative ways to ask "why"
Keep communication flowing, "I'm here when you're ready to talk." ”
Use diaries or art activities to help them express their thoughts or feelings
Sometimes, families get caught up in negative communication patterns. By changing the way you talk to your child, you are changing patterns.
There are a few methods you may want to try before you find the one that works best for your child. However, there is one point I would like to emphasize here: as parents, we first look in the mirror to see if our faces are kind and our speech is clean!
Finally, I would like to share with you the words of the practitioner Sadhguru: "Now most children will avoid adulthood, because most of them, by any standard, are neither energetic nor joyful, and most of them are very stressed, complaining about their jobs, their families, complaining about the world, complaining about everything." How could a child be willing to have anything to do with you? ”