Psychology: In fact, love will eventually "disappear"

He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.

Psychologist Helen argues:

Passionate love can only last for 12-18 months, after which love will transform into another form, into "companion love".

What affects the changes and fluctuations of love is actually the level of dopamine secretion in people's brains.

When two people fall in love with each other at first sight or fall in love with each other at a certain stage, it is the moment when dopamine secretion is the most.

This can be called "passionate love under the secretion of dopamine."

And the longer two people spend together, the level of dopamine secretion decreases and love turns flat.

As time passes, love will disappear little by little, becoming family and friendship.

But occasionally a little passion comes along.

Psychologists refer to this changing love as "fluid, intermittent love."

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Will love disappear?

The answer is yes.

There is a saying in psychology called the "sensory adaptation effect".

What does that mean?

Everyone can understand it as "aesthetic fatigue".

Psychologists have found in many case studies that people's responses to any external stimulus eventually fall flat.

In other words: things that start out as intensely irritating to you will end up unremarkable.

If you think about it now, the person you fell in love with many years ago, in the end you didn't go on.

Is your feeling for him as amazing as it was then?

Do you think: He's just like that, I had a really bad vision.

Like the new and tired of the old, aesthetic fatigue, tasteless food, etc., these words are the realistic expression of the "sensory adaptation effect".

For example:

Every time a new electronic product appears, you want to change the wave; every season, you feel like you have no clothes to wear, even though the wardrobe is already full; when you see something new, you want to abandon the old thing.

This is normal and human nature.

In the relationship, this "feeling adaptation" can be understood as: the freshness is missing, and the passion is gradually reduced.

So, how does the novelty disappear?

Like what:

Two people have just fallen in love, and when they are in the early and middle stages of love, they often find ways to maintain their feelings and do some romantic small things.

Date often, watch movies, go shopping, share with each other, and say sweet words.

These are all means of maintaining feelings, and they are also things that couples in the hot love period are willing to try.

But as we spend together longer, the need to treat feelings changes.

There's more to each other than love: work, life, socializing, self.

Therefore, there is not much time and romance left for love, and the energy should be evenly distributed to the rest of the things.

At this time, love begins to enter a period of flatness.

The means for two people to maintain their feelings are relatively simple, but they have cultivated more tacit understanding.

As long as there is no error of principle, the feeling will continue; and it will gradually become friendship and affection.

Like Wong Kar-wai's line in the movie:

"I began to wonder, what else in this world doesn't expire?"

Love will go away, but it won't go away either.

What disappears is freshness, passion, but love will transform into another form to accompany each other, which is called "affection".

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How do we "find love"?

First: Break the mold and discover the freshness

Many things, feelings, are actually in a state of motion, and nothing is set in stone.

When you are not willing to change, you will either be eliminated by the times or eliminated by your lover.

Therefore, in order to adapt to the rhythm of our feelings and life, we must change ourselves.

There are two aspects to freshness in feelings.

One is to cultivate with each other, and the other is to tap into one's own potential.

Cultivating freshness with each other is mainly about: trying the unknown, exploring the unknown, and being curious.

Like a cat, the reason why cats are happy and have no heart and no lungs is because they always maintain a strong curiosity about the world.

Therefore, lovers should cultivate curiosity and explore more unknowns together.

The other aspect is to tap into our own potential.

You have nothing to gain in your partner's mind, so you build on your strengths and allow yourself to learn at least 2 skills.

Learn to cook, learn to sing or learn something the other person likes.

This is called "doing what it pleases" and it is also called cultivating common hobbies.

He likes to play games, so you learn the games he likes.

In the same way, in order to be able to keep up with you, he is also trying to learn your preferences.

Second: learn together and grow together

It is more difficult to forget people who experience sadness and difficulties together than people who enjoy sweetness and success together.

In simple terms:

Those who are only willing to enjoy success and joy with you will never accompany you for too long; only those who share happiness and hardship with you, learn together, and overcome difficulties again and again can occupy a more important position in your heart.

In the process of learning with your partner, you will not only gain joy, but also a sense of accomplishment and tacit understanding.

Learning together is also growing together, and it is also a total of progress.

The two men agreed to take a certificate, learn a new skill, share housework, and so on.

The result is not the most important, what is important is the tacit understanding and love cultivated with each other in the process of learning.

Today's Topic:

Do you think love will disappear?

(Article with picture source network)