On the Internet, there is a saying circulating: "I hope that my relatives will live well, but I don't want my relatives to live better than myself." ”
This mentality, on the surface, is actually very contradictory. I hope that my loved ones have a good life, and in essence, I have an inclusive heart. Don't want your loved ones to live better than yourself, then it's a little selfish.
In fact, from the actual situation, this is not a contradiction, but a particularly normal thing. For human beings are inherently a combination of good and evil, light and darkness, wide and selfish. Angels and demons are parasitic in their hearts.
Some psychologists have put forward the idea that the complexity of human nature is that it is contradictory but not contradictory.
To put it bluntly, you feel that there is goodness and selfishness in human nature, which is a contradiction. But in fact, everyone will think about themselves, which has nothing to do with kindness, nor does it contradict it. So the confusing situation arises.
Not wanting your loved ones to live better than yourself is in line with "complex" human nature.
Remembering the saying that human nature is a huge labyrinth, the moment you are in it, then you are surrounded by it.
You will eventually understand that most of the people who do not want their loved ones to have a good life are these kinds of people.
01
The first type of person: the person who is exquisite and self-interested.
What is "refined self-interest"? Refinement is the opposite of roughness, that is to say, the exquisite person must be a person who pursues life. Self-interest, as the name suggests, is a self-centered approach.
With the gradual development of material society, there will be more and more people who are exquisite and self-interested. This kind of person, who is based on self-material pursuits and is more selfish, often does not want others to live better than themselves.
In a family, the eldest brother always wants to live well, and the younger brother lives a little worse than himself. In other words, the younger brother always wants to live well, and hopes that the older brother is worse than himself. In essence, they all want to "take the lead".
Just think, who wants to fall behind? Who wants to be worse off than anyone else?
On the one hand, people can't get through the psychological barrier. On the other hand, everyone has a vanity mentality. At this time, it is very normal to hope that your relatives are worse off than yourself.
Human beings can never get rid of the psychology of vanity, nor can they give up the pursuit of "dominance". In this way, the exquisite and egoistic humanity becomes the norm, and that is the reality of the moment.
02
The second type of people: people who like to compare.
Some emotional researchers believe that from the birth of human nature, it is deeply involved in the competition of competing with each other. Being competitive and not accepting defeat have become basic personality traits.
If your relatives earn $100 and you make $200, you'll feel particularly satisfied and think you're "better" in comparison. At this time, you will want these relatives to earn a little more, say 110 or 120 yuan, but you definitely do not want him to earn 210 yuan.
When your relatives can't surpass you no matter what they do, then you will have a "sense of accomplishment" in your heart. It is often this sense of accomplishment that makes you think that family affection is worth it.
There is a saying on the Internet that says, a relative calls and asks how you are doing, not that he wants to know how you are doing, but that you are not as good as him.
The reasoning is similar, and human nature is also similar.
As long as the mentality of "comparing nearby" still exists, the situation that is not good will not disappear.
03
The third category of people: people who are used to calculating.
At New Year's Eve, a friend told me something.
The previous year, his children were particularly angry and were admitted to 985 University. As a parent, he sent his child's achievements to the circle of friends, hoping to share the child's good news with others.
At the same time that he sent a circle of friends, one of his relatives also sent a circle of friends - the child was admitted to a double first-class university, but not 211 and 985.
Therefore, he conveniently gave a thumbs up to his relatives.
After a day, the friend found that the outsiders had all come to like it, but not a single relative to like it. In this case, let the friend think deeply, that is, just a thumbs up, why can't this be done?
Later, the friend wanted to understand that everyone has a calculating mentality, seeing that your child is good, others are not happy, unless his child is better than your child.
To put it nicely, the relationship between relatives is very sensitive after all, good and bad, and the contradictions are very large. And to put it mildly, the more relatives, the more like to calculate. Everything, very realistic.
04
The fourth type of person: people who only care about small families.
The ancients had a saying: "Everyone sweeps the snow in front of the door, and rests on the frost on the tiles of others." ”
Everyone cares only about their own family, and who cares what happens in other people's homes? It can be said that the vast majority of people only care about how they live, and do not care how others live.
We can understand this from daily chat.
When your relatives know you're not making any money, he will absolutely comfort you and then laugh at you behind your back. However, when you say that you have made a lot of money, even more than he has, then he will have a "envy, jealousy and hatred" mentality towards you.
It can be said that laughing at people and hating people have, that is the norm of life.
Don't underestimate human nature, and don't overestimate the human heart.
Of course, the vast majority of people only care about their families, which is also the common sense of people. Therefore, it is good to do your duty well, and don't care about the eyes of others. That's all.
Wen/Shushan has deer