The most classic family joke

paw

"Little obedient, tell Daddy that three plus two equals?" The father asked the son. The governess standing nearby quickly stretched out five fingers and shook the child. Say, "You see, what is this?" ”

"It's a claw!"

Teeth will not fall out

Grandma: "Baby, cover your mouth with your hands when you cough." ”

Grandson: "Don't worry, Grandma, my teeth won't fall out." ”

What to do

At the train station, the 3-year-old son was going to pee, and the father said, "Pee on the railway." ”

The child thought for a moment and said, "What if the train slips and falls?" ”

Let Dad be a son

Fei Fei was just 3 years old this year, that day provoked his father to be angry, his father hit him a few times, Fei Fei cried and turned his head to his mother and said: "Mom, divorce Dad, let's get married, let Dad be a son!" ”

Mom got married and went

On Saturday morning, the wife said to her 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter: "Today, mom's colleagues get married, mom goes to her wedding, you play with dad!" ”

In the afternoon she was playing downstairs, and the neighbor aunt asked her, "What about your mother?" ”

The little girl replied seriously, "My mother got married." ”

The longer it gets, the uglier it gets

My sister came to see me with my little nephew, who was less than 3 years old, and as soon as I walked in the door, I was happy, and the little guy looked exactly like me. I picked him up and said happily, "Stinky boy, the longer you grow, the more you look like me!" ”

"Yeah, yeah, nephew!" Everyone else said the same thing.

At this time, my little nephew said in a milky voice, "Mother said, the longer I grow, the uglier I am!" ”

Reach

A 4-year-old boy broke up with his mom in a store. Security guards at the store are helping the boy find his mother.

Security Guard: "Why don't you take your mother's hand?" ”

Boy: "Mom is carrying what she just bought, and she can't pull me." ”

Security Guard: "Then why don't you pull on your mother's skirt?" ”

Boy: "I can't reach it." ”

No vision

One day after school, a boy followed me all the way and pestered me endlessly. When he got home, the younger brother saw that the man was still standing not far from the door, and volunteered to bomb him. The little brother went out and shouted: "Go fast, go fast, no vision, look at my sister!" ”

young

After the mother finished dressing up, she asked Xiao Qiang: "Is my mother young and beautiful today?" ”

Xiao Qiang: "Some places are young, some places are not." ”

Mom: "Where are you young and which are not?" ”

Xiao Qiang: "Mom's clothes look young, but her face is not." ”

Discouraged

One day, the little girl saw her mother putting on makeup in front of the dressing table. She asked, "Mom, what are you doing?" ”

Mom: "I'm applying cream!" ”

Little girl: "Why do you have to apply cream?" ”

Mom: "So that Mom can be more beautiful!" ”

After a while, my mother picked up the facial paper and wiped off the cream.

Little girl: "What's wrong, discouraged?" ”

Turn it off

One day, Doudou went to his cousin's house as a guest, he was most reluctant to listen to his cousin play the piano, and when his cousin finished playing a song, he asked Doudou: "How am I playing?" ”

Beanie replied, "I think you should be on TV." ”

The cousin said happily, "You mean I play very well!" ”

"No," said Beanie, "if you're on TV, I can turn it off." ”

What to do

The two-year-old girl Sasha learned to read, and her mother pointed to the wood of the tree and asked, "Do you remember this word?" Sasha shook her head.

"Think again!" Mom took a small wooden bench and asked, "Well, what do you see this little bench made of?" ”

Sasha yelled, "Sit on your ass!" ”

thinker

A couple took their two children to see Rodin's statue, The Thinker.

"I wonder what he's thinking without clothes?" A child asked.

"Maybe he's wondering where the bathhouse is!" The other child answered.

Mother born

A child memorized a long period of smoothly without a pause. The host aunt asked: "It's amazing, I can memorize so much!" Are you born to be so smart? ”

Child: "Not born, born by my mother." ”

Pay attention to hygiene

The family of three lived in a new house, and the wife saw that her husband and son did not pay much attention to hygiene, so she wrote a slogan at home" "Pay attention to hygiene, everyone has the responsibility" to urge her son and husband to pay attention to hygiene.

When my son came home from school, he saw the slogan and took out a pen to change the slogan to "Pay attention to hygiene, adults have the responsibility."

The next day, the husband saw it, and also took out a pen and changed the slogan to "Pay attention to hygiene, the wife is responsible."

Persistent

The father carried the little boy to the bed and put him to bed, and after 5 minutes, the little boy called out, "Daddy..."

"What?"

"I'm so thirsty, can you pour me a glass of water?"

"No, go and pour it yourself."

After another 5 minutes, the little boy began to shout, "Daddy..."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm really thirsty, can you pour me a glass of water?"

"I told you no! I'll beat you up if I argue anymore!" ”

After another 5 minutes, "Daddy..."

"What's going on?"

"Hmmm... When you come to beat me, can you bring me a glass of water to drink? ”