At the most incompetent age, I met someone who wanted to take care of my life

1

People always have a wandering road to go.

For a few years, I drifted blindly and occasionally anchored.

I don't know what kind of life I like; but I know what kind of life I don't like.

That is, to stay the same, to follow the rules, to live step by step, day after day, year after year.

On the days of wandering, I worked as a bar singer, advertising planner, supermarket salesman, and hotel foreman.

He has also sold spicy hot, set up a car repair stall, and opened a small shop.

All of this, not to be liked.

Only looking for changes and processes, never thinking about results.

One year in the gym, I met a girl.

The first time I saw it, I looked up because she was a head taller than me.

Later I asked her, why don't you work as a model?

She said the family absolutely disagreed.

The gym is easy to work with, packing up the equipment, cleaning the environment, and selling membership cards.

I introduced her to the membership card and she picked the most expensive VIP Gold card.

Then ask me, "How much can you get?" ”

I said a number, and she said in surprise, "So little." Is this work interesting? ”

I was silent for a moment and said, "No, it's all mixed up anyway." ”

She stared at my face for half a day.

2

Girls come to the gym, mostly jumping exercises, doing aerobics to stay in shape.

However, she exercised with various equipment, expanded her chest and squatted and lifted, and the tiger was full of wind.

I was shocked to see it.

I asked her, "Why don't you jump and jump?" ”

She straightened her waist and said proudly, "Look at my figure, do you still use jumping?" ”

I looked away and nodded, "Mm-hmm, you're different from other girls." They all laugh like silver bells, and you laugh like barbells. ”

She pointed at me angrily, "You..."

Every day after she finished exercising, she would hang out with me for a while.

We sat on the smooth floor of the gymnastics room, empty all around, melodious singles looping through the sound.

From the wide, spotless mirror, I saw my legs, indeed shorter than hers.

"Can you wrap your legs?" I asked.

"Why?"

"I guess you can't have a double set."

"Look down on people." She crossed her legs and said, "My waist and legs are soft." ”

"It's really ok." I crossed my legs too, "See who holds on for a long time." ”

"It feels like practicing divine exercises." She said happily, "Want to ascend to heaven, you?" ”

"No, no, no." My head shook like a rattle, "My seven passions and six desires are so complete, I can't become a fairy." ”

"Then why don't you have a girlfriend?" She asked with interest.

"You can't ask for it."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Let me introduce you to one, it must be the type you like." ”

"How do you know, what type of genre do I like?" I looked at her and asked.

She lowered her head and pursed her lips, and quickly raised her face: "Anyway, I know." ”

3

In early summer, the Three-Hole Bridge is brightly lit, restaurants of all sizes and restaurants are on both sides of the river, and people laugh and laugh across the river.

The dish was served, I lit a cigarette, inhaled leisurely, and she came with her girlfriend's money.

During the whole process, she was extremely excited and kept nagging and praising her girlfriend.

Throughout the process, the girlfriend has always been shy and shy.

The whole time, I barely spoke.

Sending her girlfriend away, her excitement has not diminished.

"How, how, how do you feel about Lulu?" She shook my arm.

"Her eyes are also too big." I scratched my head and said, "From her eyes, I can see the whole river." ”

"You..." she said with a sigh of relief, "people look so good, big watery eyes, how beautiful." ”

"You're better looking than her." I couldn't help but laugh and said, "The eyes are small and focused, and the gods are charming, and they don't attract dust." ”

me! me! She stood where she was and stomped her feet.

Under the street lamp, I looked at her and said, "You shouldn't introduce your girlfriend." Don't you notice, in fact, I like you a lot. ”

She froze, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I'm home, and I won't mess with you." ”

The next day, as soon as the gym opened, she rushed in, threw her bag on the table, and sat down in a muffled voice.

"What's wrong with you?" I leaned over and asked.

She gave me a blank look and said, "I lost sleep last night." ”

After a pause, she asked, "Was what you said last night serious?" ”

"Actually—" I said in a long voice, "I'm having insomnia too." ”

"Really?" Her eyes lit up.

"It is estimated that last night's beef was not fresh." I said, "Pulled my stomach all night." ”

"You... How do you hate it so much. She laughed angrily and yelled at me, "Nasty, nasty." ”

4

I told her that I used to be a stutter.

From elementary school to junior high school, I can't say a whole sentence.

Everyone didn't like me, except my grandmother.

She is the best person in the world for me.

"Wouldn't you? She blinked her eyes and said, "You speak now as if you were greased." ”

"So—" I said solemnly, "I'm actually a very shy person." ”

"Don't be mad at me." She smiled, her eyes narrowed into slits.

I led her to see Grandma.

Grandma was bedridden.

Grandma said, "I'm just sick with my stomach, it doesn't matter." Dr. Zhang Shen prescribed medicine, drank a spoonful before the meal, and shook it after the meal, which was effective. ”

I asked incredulously, "Does it really work?" ”

Grandma nodded weakly and sighed a long time: "Unfortunately, Dr. Zhang Shen passed away last month." ”

"How did he die?"

"Stomach cancer."

“……”

A lot of bad things, I don't want to think about.

It seems like if you don't want it, it won't happen.

Perhaps, this is also a kind of optimism.

Speechless for a long time.

Grandma asked, "My granddaughter-in-law' name is what her name is?" You don't introduce either. ”

I said, "It's called Beanie." ”

"Grandma." Beanie shy call.

Grandma snorted and said, "So tall, why is it called Beanie?"

I said, "It's to describe her eyes." ”

My waist was twisted a little.

Before leaving, Grandma rummaged around in the bed.

I was a little nervous, afraid of the scene in the domestic film - turning out an ancestral bracelet or something, putting it on Doudou, and then affectionately asking.

Thankfully not.

She pulled out a small notebook with a picture of me when I was 3 years old.

"Beanie." Grandma smiled and squinted and said, "Later, if he makes you angry, you can look at the photos, he is actually still very well-behaved." ”

Beanie looked at it as he walked and smiled all the way.

"The head is big and the face is round, and the dimples are obvious." She laughed and said, "When you were a child, you were really good-looking." ”

"Isn't it nice now, huh?"

"It looks good." She smiled and raised her head, "You look better than me, but your figure is not as good as mine." ”

"I grew up drinking human milk, you grew up eating calcium tablets."

"Bite you!"

5

Those days, we were very happy.

Drink until late at night in a strange bar, sip tea in the misty Qingcheng Mountain, and hunt in a live-action CS field game.

She moves like an elk, galloping and jumping through the jungle.

I was on cover and a shot hit her in the back.

One day nostalgic, play red and white machine tank battle game.

From early morning to dark, people hit the wood.

After hitting the 578th inning, she suddenly turned the gun head and smashed the base camp Lao Wang to pieces.

I was dazed.

She stretched out and looked at me lazily: "With you, why do you play every day?" ”

"Isn't that good?"

"I have a feeling—" she got up and cleaned up the table, and said softly, "I think we're too good to be real, like a dream." ”

"Then you bite your hand and see if it hurts." I put down the gamepad and lit a cigarette.

"Okay." She did so.

"Let you bite yourself!" I jumped up in pain.

"Just bite you." She said with a smile.

At the end of the summer, she will return to the School of Political Science and Law to report.

Moonlight is like water.

I played the guitar and sang one song after another.

In the night wind, there is a kind of rich fragrance floating faintly.

She was next to me, her eyes shining like a cat, and said leisurely, "I want time to stop, we will always be like this." ”

I put down my guitar and looked out the window in silence.

She took my hand and said, "Let me take a bite." ”

"Don't do it." I retracted my hand, "Every time you put a dead mouth." ”

"Bite, just bite." She grabbed me and didn't let go, "A little down, leave a mark, let you remember me." ”

"Come on." I sacrifice myself for righteousness.

She put my hand on her lips and kissed it gently.

Su Zhen looked up, and his eyes were red: "I don't want you to hurt." ”

6

She asked me to write a letter, once a week, which had to be handwritten, and rejected the email.

I don't know what to say, so I wrote it that week.

She wrote back and said, "Happy to death me, how do you write so funny, we dorm girls have all watched, laughing so much that people turn over on their horses."

Later, at the end of each letter, I noted: Top secret love letters, strictly forbidden to circulate.

Two months later, I quit my job and spent the day doing nothing.

On my boring days, I read and played in the library, and I read almost all the novels published in the magazines of that year.

She was worried and said how are you going to mix?

I said I recently read a bunch of novels and thought I could write them too.

She said, how do you remember that a play is a play? People should have clear goals, have a positive attitude, and work hard.

Every weekend, she talks on the phone with a long heart, and talks a lot of big truths bitterly, like a personal life mentor.

I was upset and simply shut down.

She came back from leave and had a long talk with me.

Tell me what kind of family she grew up in, who her grandfather was, who her mother was.

I was very surprised, it was something I couldn't imagine.

She said I wasn't deliberately hiding it.

I said you should have told me a long time ago.

She said she told you earlier that you wouldn't be with me?

I said, perhaps, a mistake from the start.

She cried and said you can't do this, you should choose a job, you can't be like a bear breaking a stick, breaking one stick and throwing one stick, can you take the stick seriously?

I said, OK, I'll be kind to Koreans.

She glared at me breathlessly: "You can't be serious and try harder?" ”

I laughed at her naïveté. I just gave up my life to fight, and I couldn't match her illustrious family lineage.

During that time, as soon as we talked, we fought the fire.

I was tired and put on a posture that was not afraid of boiling water.

After a long time, she wrote: In the future, you can do whatever you want, as long as you like. Don't worry about life, have me.

I finished reading it and tore the letter to pieces.

7

The last time we met, at a cold drink shop near the Jade Belt Bridge.

After a long silence, she finished her drink, played with the straw in her hand and asked, "Why don't you write me back?" ”

"I don't think I can communicate."

"What do you mean?" She stared me in the eye and asked, "Are you going to break up with me?" ”

"I don't want to live on you." I swallowed my spit and said hardly, "You grew up with a golden key, but you don't have to give mercy to me." ”

"That's not what it means." She was full of grievances, "I just want to be with you..."

"But you hurt my self-esteem." I interrupted her.

"So fragile." She said sarcastically, "Your self-esteem is paper paste, and it will be broken when you poke it." ”

I was discolored.

She also lost her mouth and quickly said, "I'm kidding..."

No matter how it is explained, how soft and sweet words are spoken, the simple and pure beauty of the past no longer exists.

None of us can be mind-free.

"It's also a blessing to say goodbye when we haven't hated each other yet."

When I finished, I put out my cigarette butt and got up and walked toward the door.

She lay on the table and cried.

In the fall, she sent a picture.

The picture is of my name, a white Marlboro cigarette case.

We all love this brand, sometimes chatting, one for each person.

To this day, I only smoke white.

Some people are gone, some relationships are gone, but some habits have penetrated deep into the marrow.

8

I pretended not to be sad, pretended not to care, pretended not to care, pretended to forget her.

Others can't see anything out of the ordinary, I know myself, I'm stuck in the past, can't get out.

I keep writing.

Sometimes I write with a pen, sometimes I type on the keyboard.

The manuscript on the table resembles a stack of bricks.

I had an idea in my mind: I thought that one day, she would read these works.

In fact, I don't know how to achieve it, so I am ashamed to say it.

It was the most sloppy time in my life.

Poor smoking must be rationed, a few today, a few tomorrow, estimate how long it can be carried.

Friends around me have suggested that you can't be so foolish, it's too ridiculous.

Either find a place to work or get some money to open a shop.

But apart from writing, I lost all interest in anything else.

Grandma was the only reader.

I sat on the edge of the bed, holding the manuscript, and read it to her. She was terminally ill, sometimes sleepy, sometimes awake.

I sobbed as I read it, and My grandmother reached out from the bed and took my hand in a trembling manner.

Her hands were bare and still warm.

She was speechless, unable to even look at me more.

9

On the coldest day of the year, my grandmother died.

At the age of 18, she escaped from her hometown and ran all the way to Chengdu.

On the way, I met a unit, and the cooking squad leader saw her pitiful, left her to mix and eat.

Later, the cooking class leader became my grandfather.

Grandpa left early, she did odd jobs, set up stalls, opened restaurants, and took the eldest six children with her.

The heavy floor-to-ceiling curtains in the cremation room were slowly closed, and the scarlet flannel blocked the view.

In Russia, the fire roared.

The person in the world who loves me the most is gone.

Never see each other again.

I didn't cry.

Because the pain was extreme, I couldn't cry.

The days that followed, day by day.

By chance, a buddy who mixed on the radio said that there was a news sketch program that needed a script.

I wrote a few articles by hand, and after broadcasting them, the effect was very good, and the listening rate soared all the way.

The program is installed once a day, many people are found to write, and the draft selection implements a elimination system.

After a few months, I was left alone.

The show was adjusted from the initial garbage time to prime time, and the advertising revenue soared.

Two years later, I said goodbye to radio and embarked on a long journey.

10

Travel is a coloring page in time, interspersed in the ordinary years, slowly accumulating into a chapter, staying in the memory for a long time.

I like the feeling of being on the road.

On the way, thoughts float, everything is far away, and time becomes very faint and light.

I like to be in a strange city, the road is like a fool, wandering aimlessly, walking through the streets, counting wherever you go, looking at everything strange, seeing everything fresh.

The laughter and anger of passers-by have nothing to do with me, I am outside of millions of people, and that sense of exoticity makes me feel particularly comfortable.

In fact, each of us is on the road, but the way of walking is different.

Life is a long journey, we travel all the way, all the way to find ourselves, looking for the life we like.

We weep in hardship, we are depressed in our loss, we grieve in loneliness, but we never stop, always wanting to reach the beautiful place in our hearts.

All the strength is a thick blood scab condensed after injury; behind all the glamorous and beautiful, it is all stumbling.

In 2015, I shut myself up at home and started writing stories from my trip.

Write from summer to autumn, from autumn to winter.

Slowly, more and more people read about them.

Slowly, more and more people like these words. Laugh, cry, and feel warm in the story.

I think I'll keep writing.

When it was sunny, I sat by the window, looking out at the scenery and thinking back to the past.

There was once a person who accompanied me through the confused time, she worried about my future, and she wanted to go through all the journeys with me. I was powerless and did not have the courage to go down with her.

circumstances change with the passage of time.

I finally had a thousand enthusiastic smiles, and I finally let the crowd be deeply moved by me.

I forgot to tell you that you have always been in my heart.

- END -

Author | Luo Yichen

Edit | Mei

Editor-in-Chief | Chel-chi

Producer | Water grid