The more the mother says these two words, the more disobedient the child becomes!

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Many times, disciplining children is just a matter of a few words. Properly said, not only can easily help children get rid of bad habits, but also do not have to tear the skin; if it is not said properly, it will be said more and more, the more useless, and finally the parents have a stomach, the child is still oil and salt.

Many parents usually blurt out two words when they discipline their children, but these two words are very rejected by children, and it is easy to arouse the rebellious emotions in their children's hearts. Those two words are —don't.

You told him not to watch TV and wash his hands and eat quickly, but he just didn't move;

You told him not to be picky eaters, but he still didn't like to eat that he didn't like to eat.

So, why do children do this? Is it because our children are naughty by nature and disobedient by nature? Actually, it really isn't.

[1] No one likes to be denied

In the process of everyone's psychological growth, there will be a "self-worth protection tendency", more willing to accept people who like themselves and support themselves, and exclude those who are unfavorable to themselves. This is true of adults, let alone children.

I remember that a few years ago, when my home was renovated, I went with my child's father to pick out furniture, and one day I was full of stomach gas.

I took a fancy to a beige leather sofa, and the child's father said, "Beige is too solemn." In addition, the leather sofa is not as comfortable as the cloth, and it is not strong. In fact, the brown solid wood is quite good! ”

I wanted to pick a wardrobe with sliding doors, and the child's father said, "The sliding doors are not strong, and they are not as convenient to open the door when they are used." ”

I wanted to order a set of pale yellow coffee table and table combination, and the child's father was disgusted: "The color is too vulgar, similar to kindergarten, which has a home look..."

In the end, I was really on fire: "This can't work, that can't work, as far as your vision is good, you choose it yourself!" "After saying that, I left breathlessly.

So you see, even we ourselves sometimes can't stand the denial of others, let alone children.

When we communicate with our children, we always like to use negative language: "You don't do this, you don't do that." Although our purpose is good, to help children get rid of bad problems, but our words to the children are negative and distrustful, like saying to the child: "You can't do it, you're not right, you can't do it well!" ”

After a long time, the child will definitely be more and more reluctant to cooperate, and he will also find that you can't do anything with him except nagging all day, so he slowly learns to talk back.

[2] Sooner or later, what you are worried about will happen

There is an interesting "Murphy's Law" in psychology, which basically means: Sooner or later, what you are worried about will happen! If it is extended to the issue of educating children, it can also be said that if you do not let your child do something, he will do it sooner or later!

Will this really be the case? Let's do a little experiment.

I'll tell you now:

"Don't think about eating meat in the next life, don't think about any meat!" Whether it's crispy and fragrant spicy chicken, or the meat of the plum vegetables that melt in the mouth, or the beef with sauce with chewy head, or even the lamb dipped in sesame juice, don't think about it! ”

When you see this passage from me, do you really not have any meat in your head? Surely not, you will more or less recall a variety of delicious meats.

In fact, for the child, this phenomenon is more obvious, you repeatedly ask him not to do anything, but arouse his deep curiosity, involuntarily do it.

【3】 What kind of communication is simple and effective?

Use more positive statements

The same thing, to put it more positively, the child is more receptive, the effect may be very different.

When you want to say, "Stop watching TV, hurry up and write your homework!" What are your grades, don't you have a little bit in your heart! ”

It is better to change it to: "Child, have you been watching TV for more than half an hour?" Don't forget our agreement, Oh, Mom believes that you are a child who keeps the agreement! ”

When you want to say, "Don't bend over when you're writing!" Sit or sit! ”

It is better to change it to: "Child, put the back up, so that the posture is standard, and the person looks straight after a long time!" ”

When it is necessary to say "no", give the child a brief explanation

Although children are more willing to accept positive statements, when children touch some dangerous objects, they still need to stop them in time. However, while stopping the child, it is most like treating adults, and briefly explain the danger to the child just now.

For example, when a child touches a wire plug, he can say:

"Child, this must not be touched!" Electricity is very, very dangerous, but it is not a toy, and even Mom and Dad dare not touch it! You should also tell other children in the class that you can't touch the electrical appliances casually. ”

Tell your child what you "can" do, not "don't" do

It is easy for parents to overestimate their children's logical comprehension ability and often use the adult way of thinking to demand their children.

For example, we tell the child not to throw toys, and then assume that the child should pick up all the toys and put them neatly in the box.

But in fact, the young child's logical thinking ability is relatively limited, can not think of so much, you do not let him throw him will not throw, but will not take the initiative to clean up.

At this time, you need to tell him how to do:

"Child, if you throw toys, you won't find them the next time you play." Come, like Mom, let's find a small box and invite the dolls to sleep. ”

Therefore, it is really not easy to educate children, that is, it is a mental work, and it is also a technical work.

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