This article is excerpted from my "Inner Reconstruction"
Watching "Cherry Pills" with her daughter, the summer heat, The little pills feel that the heat is unbearable, irritable, looking for air-conditioned places everywhere, while the humble Yamada is happily grasping in the sun and having fun. The little pill asked strangely: Aren't you hot? Yamada said: Summer is hot, not hot is not summer. I really feel that the heat can be cooled under the tree. If the little pill has some understanding.
Yamada's casual words are wise. That's the way it is, not accepting it makes you restless; accepting it, taking it for granted, quiets down. A lot of things are very normal, as they should be, just go along.
When your child is sick, it may make you wonder: how did he get sick? How nice would it be if I didn't get sick? If I had noticed those things he probably wouldn't have gotten sick... How many arrangements have been disrupted by illness! In this way, it is inevitable to be upset and troubled.
But the "fact" is that the child is already sick, and while proper reflection is needed, too much thought and entanglement is unnecessary. Since you can't change the facts, you may as well embrace the facts and conform to the facts, things happen, the soldiers will come to block, and the water will come to Tutun. Calm down, you have more strength to accompany your child and treat it in time.
If a child has a problem that he can't do, you may think: you should be able to do it, how can you not do it? How can you not understand it? In fact, the child does not understand, will not, this is the fact, the existence is reasonable, there is a reason, he is actually "should" will not, we need to conform to the facts, so that we can calm down, and then consider how to help the child improve.
The most common family conflict is how we think the other person should be: should do housework, should take care of the children, should not smoke, should not drink... If you feel that the other person should be like this, and the other party is not actually so, or at least can not change immediately, then the trouble comes. And if you know that the other party may not be able to change, or can not change immediately, then it is best to embrace the facts first, conform to the facts, there will not be so many dissatisfaction, calm down, our attitude and way may be easy to accept by the other party, at least not so resistant, but more likely to slowly improve.
In the face of some unsatisfactory and unsatisfactory, we can try to change, but if we can't change or can't change temporarily, we may as well learn to accept the facts and conform to the facts, so that the mind will calm down and deal with things more rationally. Refusal to accept the facts sometimes only adds to the annoyance.
The mom of a sixth-grade boy consulted with me. Children often struggle with many things and cannot let go. For example, the child is in a bad mood, wants to play the game to divert attention, but the game loses and is not happy, and wants to play again; the result is that the game is played several times or did not win, the mother and he went to the grandmother's house, the child is not in a good mood, scolded some dirty words, vented his emotions. The mother is very unhappy, thinking about the child, how can you be like this, why do you have to play again if you are not happy when you lose? How can I say dirty words when I am not happy? The fact is that children are like this now, losing is not happy at present, unhappy is to vent. It is futile for mom to compete with facts, or it is better to let go of the entanglement, accept the reality, and then slowly change.
There is a passage in the Japanese movie "Red Medaka" that makes people think deeply: reality is the answer, even if you complain about the inopportune time and social injustice, there will be no change. Reality is reality, and to understand and analyze the status quo, there must be a cause for the status quo, and it is good to have a full understanding of the cause and then act on it accordingly.
Hegel also famously said that existence is reasonable. This sentence does not mean that what exists is correct, but that what exists is for a reason and a reason.
Accept the reality, have a peaceful attitude, and then strive to improve on this basis.