I saw two passages on Douyin, the first of which reads, the man drove to pick up his girlfriend from work, but because of the traffic jam on the road, he was five minutes late. After the man received his girlfriend, the woman got into the car with a look of displeasure, the seat belt was not yet fastened, and began to count down her boyfriend and said, Didn't you let you get here at six o'clock? It's 06:05 now, and you're five minutes late. After hearing this accusatory remark, the man immediately explained that the time had been planned, but he did not expect to be stuck in traffic on the road, which was only five minutes late. For this explanation, the woman did not buy it, so he continued to accuse the man, saying, you know the traffic jam, you won't leave early. After hearing this sentence, the man also showed displeasure, and then said to the woman, how do I know that there will be a traffic jam, if I had known, wouldn't I have left early? Women continue to accuse men of saying, you take this road every day, how can you not know about traffic jams? I see that you just don't care, don't love me. Hear that. The man's emotions completely exploded, so she said to the woman, I don't talk nonsense with you, you love to sit, and if you don't like to do it, you can take a taxi yourself. As a result, the woman really pushed the car door in a huff, and then went to take a taxi.
The content of the second paragraph is like this, the woman came, the aunt was very painful, it happened that the boyfriend was around, so the woman said to the man, you don't argue, didn't you see me so uncomfortable? After hearing this sentence, the man quickly and carefully explained that I did not speak, hearing this answer, the woman's face was displeased, you breathed, your heart beat, the breathing was so loud, the heartbeat was so loud, it all killed me. Seeing that women are so emotional, men quickly respond and say, don't be so fierce, there is something you can tell me well, as long as I can do it, I will definitely satisfy you. There is nothing wrong with the man saying this sentence in itself, but the woman says to the man, do you think I have a big chest? Then you hurry up and break up with me and find a gentle one. After hearing this sentence, the man could only look helplessly stunned. Why do I tell you these two passages? This is because these two passages reveal a common problem in our relationships, that is, the game problem of security.
What is the game of security? In fact, everyone can clearly feel that in these two paragraphs, women are some unreasonable trouble.
For example, in the first paragraph, the woman accuses the man of being five minutes late, which in itself is an unreasonable accusation, because the five minutes are very short, and there is no need to blame. Plus, men have good reason to explain this. Every time I was late, the woman still did not spare the problem. In the second paragraph, the woman's performance is more obvious, the man's breathing and heartbeat are wrong, this is not unreasonable to make trouble? So, to sum up, from a purely objective point of view, women do have some unreasonable teasing, but why do women make unreasonable behaviors? Are we just trying to torture men? Of course not, in fact, we just want to make our hearts feel safe in this way.
An undeniable fact is that we women are generally insecure in our hearts, so we must let the man constantly prove his love for us, and our hearts will gain a sense of security. So what are some ways we can get a man to prove his love for us? If we can find a reasonable reason for men to express love to us, this is of course the best, but this opportunity can not be sought, and our inner needs are excessive, so in desperation, we can only start the process of men proving love to us through some unreasonable things or unprovoked accusations.
This leads to the problem we found in the above two paragraphs, in fact, in essence, our unreasonable teasing of men is to obtain a sense of inner security, but the unreasonable way we take is destined to make us get it. So why are we struggling on the road to redemption? This is because not all men can see the essence through the phenomenon and then accurately understand the true thoughts and needs of our hearts. In fact, in real life, most men can only see the external form of our unreasonable teasing, and confront us because of our unreasonable teasing. The result is that our inner need for security will never be met.
The less our inner needs are satisfied, the more we will gain a sense of security through unreasonable ways, and the more unreasonable we are, the more men will confront us, and the more we can't. Gain a sense of security, and at the same time, the feelings of two people will become worse and worse. So how can we break this situation? First, we can change the way we feel secure. Does our inner sense of security have to be obtained through unreasonable ways? Of course not, in fact there are many ways in which we can gain those senses of security, such as the straight-talking method that we are least good at using.
What is the straight-forward chest method? It is to simply and directly and clearly show our needs to men, to show the truest thoughts in our hearts. For example, when we face the behavior of men being late, the most worrying thing in our hearts is that the man's tardiness is because he does not pay enough attention to and cares about us, or we want the late man to know the true feelings in our hearts when we are waiting for him, then we can directly say to the man, honey, in fact, it doesn't matter if you are five minutes late, and I also know that you are helpless to be late because of traffic jams, but women, there will always be a lot of insecurity in the heart, there is a moment I am also guessing, Are you not paying enough attention to me, not caring enough about me, this will be late again and again.
Although I also know that it is not right to think this way intellectually, in terms of emotion, I still can't help but think about it. So can you say something comforting to me so that I can feel at ease? In this way, men are avoiding meeting our needs. In addition, we can change the degree of our unreasonable trouble, the same thing, the degree of our doing this thing is different, the final result will be different. For example, you say to your husband at one o'clock in the morning, you want to eat the small dumplings on West Street, although this matter is unreasonable, but your husband will not be angry, if you say this sentence, the tone is gentler, your husband will even think that you are a child.
But if you change with a very serious attitude and become a husband to buy small dumplings. Although the thing itself is the same, your husband will feel that you are doing the same thing very much. Is it necessarily wrong to make unreasonable trouble with the boyfriend and then use this way to guide the boyfriend to show love? In fact, this is not necessarily true, if we are gentle in our voice and accept it when we see it, men will think that we are cute and have ample motivation to show us love. On the question of how to grasp the proportions of how to handle things, it is necessary to analyze specific problems in detail.
Okay, that's it for today. How to really like someone