Knowing love is more important than having love, the former is ability, the latter is instinct. If there is only love, but there is no ability to love, then this love will make each other feel burdened and stressed.
It's not that I can dig my heart and lungs for you, and what gives you something is the standard of "love".
Parents love their children, and many times they will walk into a misunderstanding, thinking that they are good for their children, as long as their starting point is good, their children should accept their love. You are for the good of the child, but have you ever asked the child whether he is good or not.
Hu Shi said in "Hu Shi's Letter to Children":
"I'm not your prequel, and you're not my sequel. You are an independent individual, a soul different from me; you are not born because of me, you come because of the desire for life, you are free, I love you, but I will never control your life 'in the name of love'. ”
So love, it must be positive love, and when this love begins to take a kidnapping posture, it becomes a toxin.
Parents who love their children too much, there is no real "letting go", life is not over, worry more than that, only hope that their children will get better and better, as far as possible to reduce their pressure, but what should be done?
When people are old, how can they reduce the pressure on their children's lives?
1. Ensure your own physical health.
This is the best thing you can do for your child, and it is also the best gift and the most precious asset left to your child. Really, if you don't give them trouble, you have done your best, if you live a burden, it will bring to your children, in addition to financial pressure, but also psychological pressure, and life pressure.
No one can bear the pain for you, the trouble is still the child, after all, they can not ignore you, no matter you ask you, you must put down the things at hand, even their own family can not take care of.
There was an elder who said something very profound to me:
"It turns out that one day, I will also get sick, and then think about one day, I will also die." 」
By the time you really realize this issue, hopefully it's not too late. Before, he felt that he was in good health, and the disease was far away from him, until he found out various diseases, he really had a sense of crisis.
People are old, we must put physical health in the first place, what is uncomfortable, go to the examination as soon as possible, don't delay, be responsible for yourself, and your children will not worry.
In addition, you must be self-disciplined in your own life, what can be touched and what cannot be touched, in order to strictly demand yourself.
2. Live as separately as possible.
What do many parents think? When the children had just started a family, they must have difficulties, so they simply moved in together to see what could be done to help and what they could really do.
You must not think like this, children and grandchildren have their own grandchildren, since they already have their own life, you must know how to let go, by them to live their own life, even if there is a contradiction between husband and wife, it is easy to solve. As long as you blend in, don't think about retreating.
The life of two people only involves the thoughts, personalities, wills, emotions, etc. of two people, which is definitely easier and simpler than the lives of three people, four people, and two people.
There will be contradictions between people, and moreover, there are still two generations, and the difference in living habits is too great.
You have your life, children have children's lives, everyone is relaxed, otherwise you are not reducing their pressure, but bringing pressure to them.
The starting point is good, not necessarily. Of course, living separately is not directly ignoring questions, but standing at a distance and staring, encountering real difficulties, and then lending a helping hand.
It is an eternal truth to be close to the smell, so we must know how to let go, and letting go is the fulfillment of oneself and the perfection of one's children.
3, do not mess with the outside.
In particular, you must control your mouth, live your own life behind closed doors, talk less about this outside, point out that, other people's lives, no matter how good or bad it is, it has nothing to do with you.
Don't laugh at this today, ridicule that, or look down on whoever has a bad day.
Just as the so-called evil comes out of the mouth, when you can't help your children too much, you must think of not causing them trouble and causing trouble. Do not get the neighborhood relationship, the nature is the same, at every turn because you run a trip, come forward to solve, a long time, annoyed is not enough to annoy.
Also, don't talk about family things from the outside, talk too much, it is not conducive to harmony between family members. Will pretend to be confused, will pretend to be dumb, the personality after aging, the convergence will be converged, in fact, it is not a big deal.
If others say something unpleasant, they will follow the quarrel and make trouble, and if they are not arrogant enough, they will cause trouble to their children. Except, of course, there are questions of principle.
Life is like this, no one behind who says, we can only manage ourselves, control ourselves, try not to discuss others behind the scenes, this is enough.
Simply live a simple life, live a life easily, in exchange for the peace of mind of your children, your children are free of heart, and you are happier.
So the love for children, not what I have, all for you, not to fight their own physical labor, for you to share anything. Love is also a form, and if you really want to reduce the pressure of life for your children, you must think about what their life pressure is and share it as much as possible.
When people are old, they must also know how to hide their secrets, and if you want to help your children financially, you can understand, but you still have to keep some money in your own hands and spend it conveniently.
This money is also your way out, but also your protection, anyway, you can't take it away, sooner or later you have to leave it to your children, but giving it early and giving it late is really different.
The harmony between husband and wife is particularly important, otherwise it will be noisy all day, and the children will come all day to persuade the peace, and the family will not be at peace. Family life, if you want to be good, first start with a good husband and wife, your husband and wife have good feelings, respect each other, take care of each other, and have a great impact on the marriage of their children, after all, they have set an example and produced many inconspicuous influences.
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