Every family looks forward to their children's talents, parents are important guides in the growth of children, and their words and deeds are directly related to their children's personality and even the future.
With the development of society, competition is becoming increasingly fierce, and many parents are also under pressure from all sides. There is pressure from educational resources, but also from the pressure of comparing with children of the same age, in order to cultivate excellent children, parents are inevitably anxious.
Educational anxiety has become commonplace, which not only makes parents prone to mental imbalance, but also adds an additional burden to children's hearts. Every parent wants their child to win over others at the starting line, I don't know if you are such a parent?
A 5-year-old boy in Jinan, Shandong, under the leadership of his mother, stood outside the examination hall for more than an hour, it was a cold winter, and the mother's purpose was to let the child feel the atmosphere of the examination and research in advance.
The mother expressed the hope that her child can take the graduate school and doctoral examination in the future, and there are less than 6,000 days to go to graduate school from now on, and it is helpful for the child to grow up in advance.
I have to say that such an idea makes people feel too incredible, just 5 years old toddler, should be innocent and happy to play at the age, because of the mother's high hopes, forced to carry a heavy burden early.
The 5-year-old child has not yet entered primary school, it is necessary to feel the atmosphere of the examination in advance, once entering the primary school, middle school, high school, the pressure on the boy can be imagined, these pressures come from the mother's anxiety.
Boston Conductor Sandel: Parental anxiety affects children
Parental anxiety is the culprit that binds children, and Master Benjamin Sandel, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, can see a lot of the interesting music lessons he teaches online. Once he instructed a little girl to play the violin, and the little girl played the violin very well, but the whole time she tensed her face and did not smile at all.
Sandel gently guides the child, it is a warm song that should be cheerful and jumping, Sandel himself even jumps up with joy, but the little girl is still very serious. At the end of the song, Sandel communicates with the girl's mother and asks her if she thinks her daughter is beautiful, and the mother answers directly in disbelief, and then asks, how do you think her daughter plays the piano? The mom was still in denial and shook her head.
At this point, Sandel seemed to have understood that the little girl was so dull at the age when she should be alive and kicking, and he solemnly told the mother that the anxiety of the parents would affect the child. If parents have been anxious about their children, then in the future the children will also be easy to become an anxious person, it is difficult to be happy and calm.
Sandel advised the mother that as a parent in the child's growth, there are too many worries, worried about poor study, worried about not being able to get into the ideal university in the future, and worried about not being able to find a satisfactory job, so that the child will die.
The people present in the video laughed when they heard these words, and had to say that Sandel's understanding and evaluation of Chinese parents was very good. In addition, he also saw that he understood and loved the child from the heart, and finally he kindly reminded the mother that the child was perfect and the parents wanted to make her happy.
Parents' uncertainty about their children's growth process and future makes them want to personally design a good life path for their children, and they are eager to consider everything without deviation. This kind of transitional interference not only deprives children of their right to make independent choices but also deprives them of the ability to think independently, and parents are also overly anxious.
Most of the parents' anxiety brings negative effects to the child, and eventually the child will either become a person without opinion, or will form a rebellious personality and always want to escape the control of the parents.
Family interventions can help anxious parents raise calm children
Gordah Ginsburg, a psychiatrist at the University of Connecticut, once conducted a study of 136 families with children and found that one parent is anxious, and the children are also prone to anxiety.
Studies have shown that interventions can help mitigate the effects of anxiety on children at the age of 6 to 13 years.
1. Parental anxiety affects children
Some of the families in the study received ongoing interventions, some received only brochures on the treatment of anxiety disorders, and some did not take any measures.
A year later, the final results showed that only 9% of children became anxious in families who received family intervention treatment, 21% of children in families guided by pamphlets, and 31% of children in families who did not take any measures.
Ginsburg said that in families with anxious parents, children also become anxious at 50%. If you can be aware of the anxiety hazards in your child early, you can intervene.
2) Parental instruction can reshape children's behavior
Whether it is a congenital or acquired experience, it will affect growth, and if you experience more negative emotions, the greater the chance of becoming anxious.
Many adults in Ginsburg's study said they had been anxious in their infancy, but didn't tell anyone else. When it comes to exams, you will get sick because of anxiety, you don't like to raise your hand in class, and you don't like to socialize very few friends. These anxieties can limit a person's activities until adulthood.
Tips: Ginsburg said that many acquired factors affect anxiety, and parents can reshape their children's behavior through guidance.
3. Distinguish anxiety signals
Ginsburg pointed out that to help children alleviate anxiety in time, they must know how to distinguish anxiety signals and know how to deal with anxiety words and deeds correctly in front of children.
Parents observe carefully and teach their children to discern what feelings arise because they are frightened or affected by anxiety, and how to change such feelings.
Pillow Parenting Message:
A child who has a sense of security at a calm time can not only soothe himself and relieve anxiety, but also comfort others, and be able to properly handle stress and anxiety, all of which are affected by family education. Parents should understand that life is like a marathon, and they don't have to worry about deliberately winning at the starting line. Give the child enough space, teach him to have the courage to face difficulties, and the ability to solve difficulties, calm and confident children will always win at the end.
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