For men, becoming a father is a very joyful thing, but also a stressful thing.
Zhou Guoping once said that among all the roles of men, the father is the most humane, and the rest of the roles, including sons, husbands, careerists, and conquerors, can't help but show shame in the face of the role of fathers, and speak in a low voice.
Once a true man becomes a father, he cannot but be a father forever.
For most men, being able to be a good enough father is a challenge. Even many men, after years of being a father, are still confused: whether I am a qualified father.
In fact, for men, becoming a father is a difficult task.
one
Men's subconscious ambivalence towards the "father" role
Man is a contradictory animal, and inside he is a small child, he craves love, longs for his wife's pampering and adoration, and at the same time fears that too much love will make him bound and have no freedom. He wants to get heirs to inherit the bloodline, but he is also afraid that his children will compete with him for love, and he is afraid that his love will be lost.
Second, men's attitude towards their children is influenced by their own families of origin.
In the movie "Like a Father Like a Son", there are many children living in a single-parent family, the mother's love is missing, living with the father, but the father is inferior and conceited, treating him simply and rudely, tough and arrogant, the parent-child relationship is tense, and many people respect and dislike the father, which leads to the adult Liangduo, although he loves his son in his heart, he unconsciously follows the way the father treats himself: in the unkind expression of love, more obvious is the expectation and disappointment of the son, as well as the strict requirements.
In the process of growing up, if the boy has a good father, gives him a good example, and the father-son relationship is harmonious, he will feel that he has the ability to be close and trusting with his children; if he has had contradictory feelings for his father, when he becomes a father himself, the anxieties and pains of childhood will be triggered, affecting his interaction with his children.
Therefore, men are always "sad and happy" about the birth and arrival of children subconsciously.
two
Men lack a transition period
For women, motherhood is a very natural behavior, pregnant in October, connected with the child's flesh and blood, the child grows up in the woman's belly day by day, slowly squirming, the mother feeds the TA, warms the TA, feels the TA.
Therefore, the pregnancy period not only gives the woman a conscious process of completing the physical revolution, but also allows her to provide a sufficient adaptation period for the role of being a good mother psychologically.
When the child is born, the mother holds the child in her arms and knows whether the child wants to sleep or wake up, whether it is happy or where it is uncomfortable... The mother can empathize well with the child, understand the feelings and needs of the child, and try to comfort and meet the physical and psychological needs of the baby.
For men, fatherhood is a difficult and unknown task. This is no wonder to men, after all, children do not grow up day by day in their bellies. The birth of a child is like being suddenly changed into a costume and pushed onto the stage, but you don't know what you want to do or what to do.
Looking at the babies who were crying and crying, they panicked and were helpless; holding the "soft and boneless" babies, they were cautious and sincerely afraid... In order to become fathers, men began to take care of their children like wives, and fathers seemed to be only imitators of mothers, with rough voices and clumsy movements.
Their "clumsy" attempts make women more anxious.
Women's reprimands, accusations, and complaints make men more frustrated and more and more away from this "chore".
three
Mother and child are too close, and fathers are ostracized
When the baby grows up slowly and does not need as much care from the mother, can the man smoothly participate in the parenting of the child and perform the functions of the father?
NOPE!~
If the mother-child relationship is too close in infancy, the father fails to participate, and the mother and the child form a close "symbiotic relationship", the father is often alienated, more and more distant from the family, and the husband's function is weakened.
And a woman who is alienated from her family by her husband is often lonely and lonely inside. The anxieties and needs in her heart that should have been borne by her husband were projected onto the children. Children who become mothers to "replace husbands" will automatically take over the position of their fathers, or assume the role of adults prematurely, like a small adult, or refuse to grow, "always be a good baby of mothers", too dependent on their mothers, unable to explore society and integrate into society.
At this time, the child's inner attitude towards his father is also very contradictory, both longing for a useful and powerful ideal father, and anxious that his father is too strong to punish himself, because he is better than his father and takes away his mother's love for his father.
At this time, men who want to be close to the child and want to take on the responsibilities of fathers often encounter difficulties because the children are full of defenses and confusion for him.
shop
Times change, the way fathers and sons get along
In the agricultural society, many of the children's survival skills need to be passed on from the father, they need to obey the father's education and management, and they also contact the outside world with the father in learning, and better socialize. In the industrial society and the information age, children need to learn less and less knowledge from their fathers, they can obtain knowledge everywhere, and the role of fathers is weakened.
This change has also led to the confusion of many fathers now, not knowing what they can do with their children. Exercise with the child, the child has already signed up for the interest class, the ball is much worse than the father who stays in the office all day; play games with the child, hanged and despised by the child; reason with the child, tell the story of life, the child has long seen and heard on the Internet, retorted a set of sets, can be the father's fear of dumb; travel together, now the child is afraid of the sun in the summer, afraid of the cold in winter, would rather hold the mobile phone to stay in the house, As a result, the so-called tour is just a father and a child changing places to brush their mobile phones... (Come to think of it, many fathers are also broken and helpless in their hearts)
In addition, in the traditional concept of family, the male and female protagonists lead to the man named "father" playing an "invisible" role more often - often at work, often on business, regardless of family affairs.
Moreover, when getting along with children, due to the requirements of traditional culture and social roles, "he" aspires to become a kind of "majestic" existence, which also forces them to become silent in their relationship with children, restricts his freedom to express warmth, and leads to many fathers loving their children in their hearts, but dare not spoil their children and be too obedient to them.
Let's hear about it
Becoming a father is a long and arduous road. If the father is absent from the child's development, it may be caused by many reasons.
In the face of this situation, if the wife can guide and accompany the husband from the side, and give the husband the space and support to perform the father's function, the man can become a good father better!
If necessary, you can also seek the help of professional psychological counseling to make men better adapt to the role of "father" and make the family system healthier.
Today is Father's Day, let's cheer for the hard-working dads, give them more affirmation and gratitude.
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