#人世间征文 #
In "The World of Man", Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng, a couple of high-ranking intellectuals, initially had a rich and harmonious love life. However, with the improvement of the two people's situation, Zhou Rong's original worship, admiration, and desperate follow-up to Feng Huacheng, to later complaining and contempt, until finally parting ways. The two went from a troubled couple to a resentful couple in the world, and their feelings were shattered and scattered under the grinding of time and reality.
The misfortune of Zhou Rong's marriage to Feng Huacheng lies in Zhou Rong's increasing accusations and complaints against Feng Huacheng.
Saying that mutual appreciation is the nourishing liquid for a happy marriage, then, accusations and complaints are the "killers" of marriage. This is especially evident in the marriage of Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng.
Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng's initial acquaintance was romantic and simple. Zhou Rong admired Feng Huacheng—even if he was branded as a rightist, became the "Black Five", and was at the bottom of the society at that time, even if the whole world despised him, the whole family opposed them, even if he worked hard in guizhou's most arduous mountainous areas, made his home in a cold cave, and even lacked basic living conditions, Zhou Rong had no remorse and no complaints.
When Father Zhou visited them from Chongqing to Guizhou, Zhou Rong's eyes were clear, and her admiration for Feng Huacheng was from the heart. He was happy to endure all the difficulties encountered by Feng Huacheng and was willing to eat them. At this time, what they have in common with each other is appreciation, tolerance, and natural concern and concern, and their marriage is full of happiness.
Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng were not immortals who did not eat fireworks. Like many couples in the world, they have to eat, have to live, and raise their children. There is a spacious house, and taking Yue Yue home is their greatest desire. Poetry cannot be eaten as food, cannot be used as a house. But Feng Huacheng hoped to win the poetry prize in exchange for the position of vice chairman of the Writers Association, and then get the qualification to divide the room.
In order to evaluate the award, he gave gifts everywhere to ask for people, won the award, and had the hope of dividing the room. However, when he was excited to hang up the award, Zhou Rong inadvertently threw the award on the ground, mocking him for not being honorable enough to win the award, accusing him of vulgarity and hypocrisy. Let Feng Huacheng's self-esteem as a poet shattered to the ground, feeling aggrieved and angry, and the gap in marriage was born.
Won the award, but the official did not succeed, the house still became a bubble. The two of them placed their hopes on Zhou Rong again.
Zhou Rong evaluated the associate professor and had the qualification to divide the room, but needed to queue. In order to line up, Zhou Rong asked Cai Xiaoguang for help. Cai Xiaoguang sent a box of sea cucumbers to The Director of The Tian Division, who was in charge of the house. Things did not work out, Zhou Rong found Director Tian in a fit of anger to return the gift, completely cut off the hope of dividing the room. This made Cai Xiaoguang embarrassed, and it made Feng Hua despair.
The two quarreled over this. At this time, Zhou Rong's accusations against Feng Huacheng were further escalated to "dirty". Grievances and anger also made his confrontation with Zhou Rong more and more intense, and his negative emotions reached the extreme.
Complaining and blaming hurt each other's self-esteem, stimulate negative emotions, and worsen couple relationships.
A man who has always been adored by his wife, a man full of responsibility for the family (Feng Huacheng never let Zhou Rong cook after marriage), long-term accusations, complaints, and denials, so that Feng Huacheng feels that he has lost his self-esteem and is emotionally depressed; mutual complaints and accusations have also made the relationship between husband and wife gradually move towards opposition, and Feng Huacheng has also had the motivation to flee. Wang Zi's intervention made Feng Huacheng's derailment a fact.
One is a young and beautiful admirer with unconditional acceptance, and the other is a wife who despises and accuses all day, and Feng Huacheng finally chooses Wang Zi.
Accusations and complaints are the "killers" of marriage. In marriage, the mutual accusations and complaints of husband and wife can easily stimulate negative emotions between each other, so that each other's self-esteem is damaged, feel understood, not respected, produce a psychological tendency to escape and confrontation, and further deteriorate the relationship between husband and wife and the family atmosphere, which is also an important reason for many couples to break up because of love and resentment, resentment and hatred.
On the contrary, a marriage that does not complain or accuse makes the marriage full of positive energy, and the husband and wife appreciate and tolerate each other, so that each other's mentality is more peaceful, the relationship between the two is more relaxed, and the family relationship is more harmonious. The character of the children is also sunny and open-minded, and the sense of happiness is rising day by day.
The old father and the old mother have been married for nearly 60 years, the old father is a teacher, and the old mother is almost illiterate. Differences in personalities and cultural levels did not become an obstacle to their feelings. To the nagging of the mother, the father never complained, but sympathized with her hard work for the family, left a good outlet for her emotions, and silently shared the housework for the mother - when cooking, the mother cooked, the father picked vegetables, washed the dishes; when sewing the quilt, the father was on the left and the mother was on the right, alone; watching TV together, the father silently put the peeled walnuts in the mother's hands. The persistence and stubbornness of the father, the mother is just a sentence "You have your reason, we can't help you." The father admired the mother's tolerance and open-mindedness, and the mother praised the father's carefulness and thoughtfulness. After 58 years of marriage, there are fewer and fewer quarrels, the days are peaceful and peaceful, and the needs and concerns for each other are increasing day by day. Children learn to tolerate and appreciate from their parents, sisters help each other, the family is harmonious, and often laughter is continuous.
I believe that loving each other and keeping each other whitehead must be the original intention of every couple who enter the marriage hall for marriage. However, as they walk, some couples gradually drift away from their original intentions, not that they do not want to be happy, but that they deal with the contradictions and problems in the marriage relationship, and invariably embrace accusations and complaints - this pair of "killers" of marriage.
In pursuit of a happy marriage, please stay away from "accusations" and "complaints".
(1) Learn to think in a different position, understand the original intention of the other party, stay away from "accusations", and tolerate each other;
Accusation, let you put the other party in the position of opposing yourself, it is easier to trigger confrontation and escape emotions, and the relationship between husband and wife will only become more and more distant. And when you learn to think in a different position, think about problems and deal with things from the other side's position, you will find that he will put down his guard and be honest with you, and in the long run, the marriage of heart will come to your side.
(2) Learn to communicate peacefully, put an end to verbal violence, stay away from "complaining", and get closer.
Think about it: A – "You're always so brainless and mess things up again, what else can you do?" ”
B – "I know you did this to make our family more prosperous, but the result was unexpected." It doesn't matter, let's discuss, maybe there are other ways to solve this problem."
The law of peaceful communication is that you have a different way of dealing with the same thing, there is no accusation and complaint, only understanding and support, such a couple, the distance will only get closer and closer, how can it go to opposition?
(3) Discover each other's advantages, and do not hesitate to appreciate them in time, so that the relationship between husband and wife is more intimate.
People have a need to be respected, affirmed, and cared for, both men and women. In the relationship between husband and wife, couples who are praised and appreciated will always have more expectations for marriage and are more willing to pay more for marriage. Appreciate each other, the eyes will be soft, the expression will be stretched, the mood will be more peaceful, and the relationship experience between each other will be better.
Are you still "blaming" and "complaining"? So, please stay away from these two marriage "killers"! Try to understand, appreciate, and praise your partner and see how that changes!