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When we were young, we always wanted to have birthdays, receive gifts, and loved the sense of ceremony. But the older we get, this sense of ritual, which has no substance, has become dispensable for most of us.
We will also gradually find that the more powerful people are, the less likely they are to celebrate birthdays.
Because birthday is actually a very special day, and this day is only for the individual, is a holiday that others can't get empathy for, this day is very private, very limited, and even a day that others give, personal enjoyment, and most of the birthday activities are actually initiated by the birthday Buddha-figures themselves, informing the outside world in various ways.
Such days are the days when I need to receive blessings and gifts, but for the vast majority of outsiders, it is actually a disguised pressure.
Nor are all blessings and gifts voluntary and genuine, but is this perfunctory blessing really what we expect? In fact, many people don't know what they are expecting.
For most people who do not want to celebrate their birthdays, their self-worth is actually very high, because they believe that the value of the self does not need to be given by the outside world.
What we usually call self-confidence, self-love and self-esteem is collectively called self-worth, which is our happiness and capital based on ourselves, without the support of these abilities, our happiness can only be given by the outside world is very unstable.
A person's self-worth is actually established through the self in the process of its growth, and it is the accumulation of personal experience and self-dignity, including our subjective judgment of the world and the self-worth given to us by the objective world.
This judgment will vary from person to person, so there will be a high or low level of personal self-worth.
For those who are very strong, they are reluctant to celebrate their birthdays, mostly because their self-worth is given by themselves and does not require false affirmation from the outside world.
When self-worth is insufficient, it will lack self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence, and need to be given by the outside world to affirm the value of self, thereby improving their social status and dignity, that is, to be recognized by society.
If we want to be a person with a relatively high self-worth, we need to improve ourselves from many aspects.
Clear self-orientation and cognition
If you want to have high self-esteem, you must first recognize yourself and understand whether others' pursuit of you comes from your own dignity and value, or from their reluctant cooperation.
Only by being clear about their own position, not comparing with others, and focusing on their own growth can they have a relatively strong self-awareness and a clear judgment of their human feelings.
Powerful spiritual power
We will not change our self-perception and quality because of the movements of others, and only those who have enough perseverance and never shrink back can not doubt themselves excessively when facing the emotional changes of others.
This is why those who are very good do not need to let others affirm themselves, because they have realized that birthdays are only their own business, and that anyone's blessings and gifts come from the delivery of human feelings on both sides, and this happiness is also based on the premise that both sides have a number.
High self-esteem
Whether it is self-esteem or dignity is given to oneself, and this self-worth is also very stable, not overnight is a lasting cognition, it has a very large relationship with a person's intelligence and mentality.
Without placing your own personality charm in the affirmation of others, you can have a more authentic self.
Because people who live in the pursuit of others are bound to lose their true selves, this self-esteem is also very fragile, and when they cannot get their support, this self-esteem will collapse.
Therefore, to judge whether you are a valuable person, you must not only see whether you are loved and concerned by others, but more importantly, whether you can give yourself enough security and value.
When we are affirmed in an environment, we will want to be loved more, and when our value is affirmed, we will try to ask for the endless care of the other party, and this sense of value is actually very low.
People with a low sense of value usually feel that they are worthless, that their hearts are very empty and insecure, that they need to use the pursuit of others to satisfy their inner emptiness and uselessness, that they are not loved or possessed, and that they are easily controlled by the emotions and environment of others.
In terms of birthdays, when others are happy on their birthdays, they also hope to get the same treatment on their birthdays, and once they are lower than their own inner expectations, they will feel very disappointed.
In fact, this also loses the meaning of the birthday itself, and becomes a kind of human feedback, which is actually to get self-proof from the outside world.
Only by becoming a person with high self-worth can we make up for the emptiness in our hearts and become a truly self-respecting person.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205