Little S Xu Xidi, after ending the hosting of "Kangxi Lai" in 2016, has been absent for more than 5 years and finally returned to the embrace of variety shows again.
This variety diva recently launched the grand launch of "Xi Di Wants to Talk", by her own single beam, witty and sharp speech, without losing the spicy style, so that fans have marveled "Little S is back!"
In the first episode, he invited his ex-boyfriend Huang Ziling, as well as LULU Huang Lu Ziyin, and Xiao S made another surprising statement:
"Why didn't you propose to me then?"
"Xiao S and Meng Gengru, who has a better figure?"
Let the audience watch nervous and funny!
The unique hosting style and self-deprecating humor style fully show that Little S has a healthy personality and is a new woman who has the courage to be herself.
And in this way, the spirit of living into oneself, Little S is also passed on to the child.
With her unique parenting methods, she has also become a representative of the "good mother" in many people!
The three children and their mother Little S seem to be four mischievous fairies, and it can be seen that the relationship between the three daughters and Little S is as if they are intimate girlfriends!
Such a naughty and intimate parent-child relationship, in addition to being enviable, also makes people curious:
Why can a rebellious and funny little S become a mature good mother?
Accept the truth, the child will be close to himself
In the podcast program "The Old Lady's Old Lady", Xiao S and her mother talked about "comparison heart", and she was the first to admit that she used to like to compare with others.
But since becoming a mother, it seems that the built-in "love of children" skill has never compared her children.
Whether it's between three daughters, or between children and peers, Little S has never compared "Why can't you do your homework as well as anyone who?" ”
She stressed: "Because I feel that my children are always the most unique, in my mind, each of them is a treasure." ”
Also because it is believed that the three children are unique angels, the child's relationship with Little S is very close.
A while ago, Xiao S revealed that the younger daughter Xu Laosan, when chatting with her father Xu Yajun, Xu Yajun asked the younger daughter: "Are you taller than your mother?" ”
Xu Laosan replied: "No, but my appearance is higher than hers!" ”
Xu Laosan's whole speech confidence, like his mother Xiao S, is always full of confidence at any time.
It can also be seen here that Little S gives up comparison, accepts the true appearance of the child, and can be like a sister with the child!
When we always hear from our parents, "Why don't you do that?" Everyone else can! Why can't you? ”
Behind this is the message of persecution of the child: "You are not worthy of love!"
Gradually, the child closes the pipe to his parents, suffers alone in a dark corner, hates the world and himself, and gradually becomes estranged from his parents.
If a person is treated by his parents from an early age by constantly comparing himself with others, develops a character that does not dare to be himself, and submits to the expectations of his parents everywhere, he will not dare to trust his own values and feelings when he grows up.
Lacking self-esteem and self-worth, he gradually became a person who hated himself.
When a child tries to get the love of his parents who love Torpy, he can only wear a mask to approach his parents, playing the role that his parents expect, but not his own role, and he cannot interact intimately with his parents.
Like, a harlequin with a fake face is pleasing at best, but it is difficult to make each other really understand and get close.
Support your child,
Let children embrace their unique values
In 2009, Xiao S said in "Kangxi Lai" that her daughter had been criticized by strangers.
She was having breakfast with her eldest daughter, Elly, when a strange mother came up to say hello and said:
"I often see you come here to eat with your big and small daughters, is this your eldest daughter?" I think your little daughter is more cute. ”
Little S responded: "The eldest daughter is actually very cute, but it feels different. ”
But the stranger's unintentional or intentional words hurt Elly very much, and she was silent for a while, and said to Little S, "Mom, I want to go home and hug the little bunny." ”
In the face of criticism from outsiders, Little S said to his daughter:
"Elly, some adults are very rude to talk, but you and your sister are the cutest children in your mother's heart."
Little S lets children know that you can't avoid criticism of others' appearance, but you can build your identity with yourself from within.
Then, she also wants her children to know that the definition of beauty is not absolute, but pluralistic, and can embrace their unique values!
We are always indoctrinated in the process of growing up to conform to mainstream values.
Now society is full of "self-hatred" atmosphere, always think that each individual is not good enough, must meet the external standards, in order to be recognized and loved.
When parents can't accept their child's unique value, how can the child trust that he is worthy of being loved?
However, many parents always apply external standards to their children:
"Not good enough to score full of the test", "If you don't win at the starting line, you will lose for a lifetime" "You can't easily praise your child"
Gradually, the child also "internalizes" these external standards.
Even as they grow up, children continue to criticize their own values and believe that their essence is not good enough.
In fact, we may see that other people's children's noses are not straight enough, their eyes are not large, and they may not have special feelings, or even do not care.
However, when these things happen to our children, we expect our children to conform to the values of the group!
As a result, we fall into a deep anxiety that our children are not good-looking enough to be liked.
We want our children to understand their own unique beauty and embrace their own unique values.
We need to consciously let go of external values, to appreciate the unique appearance of children, and to accept the uniqueness of each little cute!
Do not require children to be what society expects,
Avoid children becoming obtuse "good children"
Whether it is a star or an ordinary person, they all hope that their children can grow up healthy and happy, and hope that their children can live very well in the future.
But how to avoid the desire to pave the way for children becomes a kind of bondage to children, so that parental support becomes a help for children to live their own lives, it is not easy.
Huang Lei and his wife are the same, they are also parents, but also the first time to be a child's parents, will also feel nervous, afraid that they can not teach their children well.
Like us, they like to post their children and share bits and pieces with their children.
Huang Lei and his wife educate their children as a method of free-range breeding, and they respect their children more and will not bind them.
They don't think that children have no ideas when they are young, they will listen carefully to their children's ideas, and then respect them and let them do what they want to do.
Children want to learn to draw, children want to dye their hair, they are not stuck in the world's vision, they feel that the child's happy growth is the most important.
As long as the child's approach is reasonable and legal, they feel that it is okay.
The children thus educated will not become dull "well-behaved children", but independent and full of vitality of healthy children.
"A person's value should not depend on the vision of society, know yourself, do yourself to the fullest, you have the power to let beauty radiate from the inside out." 」
However, in the overall social atmosphere, there is a lack of atmosphere that encourages free expression.
In the family, we are asked to obey our parents and not to stand up to them;
In school, we are asked to respect the teacher and not to question it;
In the workplace, we are required to work hard and complain, and we must not be out of place;
In society, we are asked to promote positive energy and not to show negative feelings.
However, it is human nature for every child to have a different kind of emotion and appearance.
When the child learns the traits of "should" and "should not", the traits that should be accepted can be accepted, and the traits that should not be rejected will only be rejected.
What to do when a child appears to be defined as "shouldn't" and is scolded and punished by external standards, threatening the need to survive or belong?
The child begins to try to adjust his behavior to adapt to external standards and expectations, becoming a well-behaved child who forgets who he is.
External standards are never what determines a person's worth.
There is no need to ask them to conform to the gender because of their gender.
On the contrary, you can lead by example and tell children that you can be yourself very comfortable, and being your own person can exude a unique temperament!
Let go and allow the child to live out on his own,
It is the most precious love that parents can give
From the parenting model of Xiao S, I saw the rare word "allow" in Chinese parental discipline.
In the past, countless children grew up in an environment where they could not be themselves.
We always have a childhood that is "unable to be naïve" and unable to grow up according to our own nature.
"You should do this, you should do that."
Adults use their own rules to draw circles for children, but rarely look at these are really correct? Does the child really want this?
"Obedient" and "obedient" have become the absolute criteria for judging whether a child is good or bad.
Like a green shoot, if it wants to grow in a different place, it clicks and is cut off those seemingly "restless" branches.
But every life is unique!
Children who are truly allowed to explore freely will naturally find the boundaries of their own lives.
The ability to say no to real temptations and dangers is not the inherent experience of being rigidly put on the parents.
This requires the trust and letting go of parents, rather than the beliefs imposed on their children by parents to stay away from the temptations of life.
The most precious love for children is to allow children to have their own ideas, and still support and pay attention to children.
When you meet a child who is eager to explore outward, but is anxious, you may wish to ask the child's thoughts and talk about the significance of this adventure to the child, rather than just putting your own boundaries in the child's life.
Being there, but letting the child explore on his own without interfering, is the beginning of practicing loving letting go.
The ultimate attribution of parent-child relationship is separation, children grow into independent individuals, and parents grow into better selves.
Even if the distance between companionship is gradually extended, it becomes the most stable support in the child's heart; whether the parents are accompanied or not, the child has the ability to face this changeable world.
Allow children to try, to feel, to face the world knowing what they really want.
After all, children will eventually be independent, won't they?
Planning | Hungry fish
Edit | Fish sweet