Why didn't this Spring Festival "marriage promotion bombing" come? Listen to older men and women tell their "Spring Festival stories"

Text/Chief Reporter of Peninsula All Media Zhong Yingxue Photo/Courtesy of Interviewee

Every Spring Festival, countless single young people are most afraid of the "marriage urging" of their relatives and friends around them, and seeing that the children of their own age have begun to receive the old money, they naturally have to use various words to resist the "marriage urging army" - all kinds of questions from the seven aunts and eight aunts. In previous spring festivals, the lively phenomenon of "marriage urging" was taken stock online and discussed offline. In the Spring Festival of 2022, the topic of marriage promotion is somewhat "quiet", what causes everyone not to urge? The reporter deliberately found several young people with relevant experiences to talk about their Spring Festival experiences.

A daughter transforms, so not urged

I thought that this Spring Festival would be urged to marry by the seven aunts and eight aunts, and various reasons bombed me with a wave, but the result was all gone, and everyone did not urge. 30-year-old Li Na (pseudonym) told reporters that this is the most "idle" year in her ear roots, this year's Spring Festival, in the process of visiting relatives and friends, most relatives and friends only asked her how her work status is, and did not ask her too much about the object of conversation and early marriage.

Li Na is engaged in education work, two years ago talked about a boyfriend, the other party engaged in construction-related work, the two sides have met the parents, but because both sides are busy with work, often in different places, less and more, coupled with personality incompatibility, and finally failed to join hands into marriage.

"She's either refusing to fall in love or refusing to get married, she's just waiting, looking, looking for someone who suits her." Of course, my girlfriend is the most distressed, so I didn't urge my girlfriend at all this Spring Festival. The reporter tried to contact Li Na's parents, father Li Qiang (pseudonym) told reporters that in the past, he and his wife were particularly concerned about the marriage of the children, often talking with the children, "changing the law" of the urging of the children, the reason why he did not urge the girlfriend to marry this Spring Festival, is also afraid that the girlfriend did not come out of the last relationship, the most important thing is that he found that the girlfriend is also trying very hard to find a partner. He found that in the past, during the Spring Festival, the girl's daughter at most bought new clothes and did nail art, and this year's Spring Festival, she also deliberately grafted her eyelashes, permed and dyed her hair, and the child made changes in her image, he and his wife looked at it in their hearts, so they didn't say anything more.

"Not only in terms of image, but also in action." Li Qiang introduced, after the winter vacation, the girlfriend often asks her classmates and friends to go out to get together, to find out whether there are young people of the right age, sometimes at home with friends to open a video chat, will joke, said that there are suitable young men in the unit to introduce themselves, Li Qiang's wife's old colleagues to the girl to introduce the young man, Li Na also did not object, such as the appointment to meet.

"This Spring Festival, Nana's mother and I did not urge, other relatives and friends did not urge, maybe now everyone's concept of marriage and love has indeed changed." Li Qiang said that as an elder, in the past, when the family dinner, everyone would always guide young people with the mentality of being a person who came over, and always felt that the direction for girls to get happiness in the concept of our time was marriage, such as "marry early and give birth to children well, find a partner who grew up happily in the original family, find a partner to see the conditions first... Admittedly, these suggestions are reasonable, but they also limit the choices of children. Now the elders know that children have a high level of education, especially after 90 and 00, is a new generation of marriage and childbearing subjects, basically will finish graduate school, or even study for a doctorate, long education time also leads to late working hours, late working hours also affect the marriage and childbirth time, one link buckles one link. In addition, I appreciate the idea that young people are career-oriented, and they also know that modern women are very independent.

"My daughter is thirty years old, she has not yet started a family, she does not even have a boyfriend, I am not in a hurry, it is impossible, and sometimes I can't sleep at night, and I often urge her to find a partner." Li Na's mother said that this excessive worry did make the family atmosphere not harmonious enough, and under the persuasion of her husband, she decided not to urge marriage anymore, and she would popularize the modern concept of marriage and love with friends at the party. She believes that life is only a few decades, just live yourself, and your children are happy.

"The only people who made me change were my parents. To be honest, at first I was a little disgusted with blind dates, and even more disgusted with marriage urging, especially people other than my parents to urge me. Li Na said, "Everyone has their own life time node, there is no age to get married, only feelings to get married." Some people meet people who want to get married at the age of 20, some people meet at the age of 40, and some people don't want to get married at all. This is a matter of fate, but to put it bluntly, it is our generation that does not like to be wronged by ourselves, and may be able to be wronged and have children long ago. "Li Na is a very thoughtful girl who answers personal questions very sincerely.

B Choose more, so don't rush

I myself wondered why they didn't urge me, I used to ask when I saw it, but now I ask very little. I have always felt that getting married is a natural thing and should not be affected by any external factors, but if there is a little sloppiness, it is like planting a time bomb, and it is not good to say that it will explode one day. 31-year-old Ren Jie (pseudonym), working in the system, has always been very demanding of himself, after the success of the second "war" graduate school examination, the seventh "war" civil service career preparation examination, and finally as desired to be admitted to the position.

"At the beginning, I always felt that I was not in a hurry to find a partner if I did not solve the job, and I was not at ease when I was introduced by home. Later, when I saw that my classmates around me were all married and had children, I really panicked. Ren Jie confessed to reporters that before the arrival of the thirty-year-old, she was bent on marrying herself. In 2021, in a year's time, she met seven single men under the introduction of her parents and relatives and friends around her, and two did not meet, just chatting online to understand each other, either Ren Jie did not feel for each other, or the other party did not feel for Ren Jie, which belonged to a state of mutual pickiness.

"They all watched me grow up, especially my aunt, it hurt me very much, at the beginning my aunt would directly introduce me to her friend's children, we didn't succeed, she still didn't give up introducing me to the object." 」 Ren Jie introduced that although relatives and friends have reduced their urging for marriage, they have not reduced their concern for themselves.

The reporter tried to contact Ren Jie's aunt, "I regard Jie Jie as my own child, and we are also very optimistic about her marriage, so I don't feel the need to urge the child too much, she also has pressure." Ren Jie's aunt said that since Ren Jie was admitted to the work in the system, the work unit and welfare benefits are more impressive, and there are more choices in finding objects, which is a happy thing, but also a headache for them, from character to family to work, because the more factors are considered, the more complicated the child's marriage.

"My relatives can't be held responsible for my marriage, but I'm responsible for myself." Ren Jie was glad that she did not bow her head to the marriage life of the future because she hated marriage, nor did she accept an unprepared new life because she was afraid of missing the golden childbearing period.

C Is more independent, so not urgent

In fact, I was ready how to answer the questions of the seven aunts and eight aunts, but I didn't expect that they didn't ask me much. He Dong (pseudonym) said. He Dong is a qingdao native, graduated from a double-first-class famous university, 33 years old this year, engaged in financial work in Beijing, due to the busy work, the time to return to Qingdao every year is not much, and the New Year's vacation will stay at home for about ten days.

"I know very well that the original intention of my relatives and friends is good, and I hope that I have a happy family, but I will have my own three views, my own ideas about my own life, and my own judgment, rather than being easily swayed by others." He Dong said that now his income from working in Beijing is more ideal, and the elders are very optimistic about his development space, and naturally put the marriage matter behind.

"Before my son did not achieve career achievements, to be honest, I was more panicked, I know that men should marry, women should marry, especially the parents of children after 80 are more traditional, which is different from the parents of children after 90." He Dong's mother, Ms. Gu, said that when her son was working in Beijing in the past two years, she asked her relatives to find a Qingdao girl working in Beijing for her son, hoping that both sides would work and settle down in Beijing and return to Qingdao to rest together on holidays. He Dong did not object at first, through blind dates to contact a single woman, the two personalities are not similar, they are no longer in contact. This made Ms. Gu, who was far away in Qingdao, very anxious, and repeatedly called to communicate with He Dong, facing the urging of his mother, He Dong seemed a little impatient, and only wanted to do a good job in the project at hand.

"Because he has a goal and a very independent personality, he may not need us to manage too much in marriage, so naturally I will not urge." Ms. Gu said that her son He Dong returned from Beijing this time, although he did not say that he was in love, but often went out to party with friends, and also met to ski together, and saw the changes in the child from the subtleties, which was also a comforting thing for her and He Dong's father.

"The post-90s and post-00s are all highly educated generations, and the word independence is too obvious in us; traditional parents think that their children are not good-looking when they don't get married, but now smart parents will not blindly urge marriage." He Dong said that there are two unmarried buddies, and the marriage suggestions received during this year's Spring Festival are not more than in previous years.

D The target is clear, so it is not urgent

This year, when I go back to my hometown for the New Year, the elders will still ask a little about my feelings, but only occasionally ask a sentence or two. Wang Ming (pseudonym), a 32-year-old from Jining, has been working in Qingdao for 5 years and works in a state-owned bank.

"In the past, they would always urge me to take who was married and how old the children were, but this year they didn't even mention it." In Wang Ming's hometown, the classmates basically got married relatively early, because Wang Ming has been working in Qingdao and only returned on holidays, so in recent years, there has been less contact with the elders in the family.

"I basically settled in Qingdao, bought a house in Qingdao, and also landed a household registration, so I definitely want to develop in Qingdao for a long time, but my ex-girlfriend wants to return to her hometown and live with her parents, so I have a difference of opinion." Wang Ming said that he had talked about a girlfriend in Qingdao, and after a year of interaction between the two, the woman proposed to break up on the grounds of returning to her hometown for development.

"When I learned that my son had broken up, to be honest, I was a little disappointed with his father, but we respected the young people's choices." Wang Ming's mother said that the reason why she and Wang Ming's father supported Wang Ming's development in Qingdao was because Wang Ming had longed for a coastal city since he was a child, and he was admitted to the university as he wished, and after successfully graduating, in order to improve himself, he resigned decisively and successfully entered the bank after taking the graduate school. He had his own goals at every step, and it was precisely because she was more aware of this that she did not urge the children to get married as soon as possible.

"In fact, there is no law that each of us must fall in love, must get married, whether it is single or married is a personal choice, although I did not urge my son to find a partner, but my heart is looking forward to him to start a family as soon as possible." 」 Wang Ming's mother's thinking is more traditional, but she is also very clear that excessive urging will not bring good results.

"After all, I came from other places to work in Qingdao, and my hometown's contacts and resources are limited, so I am trying to find a way to establish a circle of friends for myself." Wang Ming took the initiative to seek help from colleagues, through the introduction of colleagues' lovers, to know several women of the right age working in Qingdao, although there is no further understanding, but this is also a step taken by Wang Ming.

"Even if I go from studying to studying to working, I am step by step, but in marriage, I am very disapproving of the sentence, that is, at what age to do anything, very non-objective, whether boys or girls, life is not a replica, everyone is a unique version." 」 Wang Ming said.

The Winter Olympics have also become more socially tolerant of "helping"

This Spring Festival, there are not many single young people who signed up to participate in blind date activities, mainly because some single young people returned to their hometown during the Spring Festival, and there are not many topics discussed in the blind date group to promote marriage, and it feels that there is no liveliness in previous years, and some people analyze that they may also be taken away by the heat of the Winter Olympics. Zhang Wenping (that is, Zhiqiu), a public welfare red bride, told reporters that in previous years, everyone would discuss the topic of marriage promotion very fiercely, complaining about the various scenes and words of being hypnotized, but this year it is obviously much weaker, which may also be related to the overall change in the concept of social marriage and love, mainly because of the high degree of social tolerance, more and more educated groups, and traditional concepts have also been updated.

"This is a photo of our badminton scene, the single young people are very active, the effect is beyond expectations." Zhiqiu said that during the Spring Festival holiday, she organized single young people to play badminton and K songs together on a small scale, although the number of participants was not large, but the activity effect was very good, and young men and women could quickly establish contact and get acquainted with each other as soon as possible. Especially playing badminton, there are young men at the event site to add WeChat to the little girl. At her suggestion, there are already single young people meeting and dating alone.

"In Qingdao, look at the peninsula! The previous blind date reports were very influential, and there were many single young people who came to participate in the activities, which were introduced by readers of Peninsula Metropolis Daily. Zhiqiu said that the "Affinity Club" blind date organization initiated by her will hold a psychological reading party on the evening of February 17, in the form of a reading party, integrated into psychological courses, so that interested single men and women to participate, at the beginning of the plan to organize 30 people, February 8 on WeChat after the issuance of activity notice, now more than 60 people have signed up, there are still single young people in consultation.

"It can also be seen from this that the motivation of single young people is very good, and they are trying to find an age-appropriate partner in their own way. After the Spring Festival, set a goal for yourself, so I began to act. Zhi qiu said.

"In 2022, I want to create a single talk show where some single and talk show-up single youth can participate, so that it's humorous and doesn't let everyone get to know each other in a casual way." Zhiqiu, a public welfare red lady, said that she also hopes that more single young people who really want to find a partner will contact her and actively participate in various activities.