Author: Ryan
"If life is only like the first sight, what autumn wind and sorrow paint fan."
This sentence comes from the Qing Dynasty lyricist Nalan Rongruo's pen, it is so beautiful and so hurtful, full of infinite emotion and helplessness about life.
Naran Rongruo, the name is beautiful and painful.
He is the eldest son of the university scholar Mingzhu, with a prominent background and a complete literary and martial arts;
He was a great talent in the capital, personable and gentle as jade.
Although there are three hundred years apart, when you close your eyes, you will always think of him wearing elegant robes, holding a folding fan, smiling and talking to his friends about poetry.
However, looking closely at his eyebrows, there was always a hint of sadness. Because, he is not happy.
Infatuation is always trapped inexorably. He was born for love, but he drained his life for love.
01 Cloister One-dimension
In the eleventh year of Shunzhi, the snow in Beijing did not stop, and it seemed to be an extremely ordinary winter day, and Rong Ruo was born. Because he was born in winter, his mother gave him a nickname "Donglang".
Rong Ruo was born smart, and began to learn riding and shooting at the age of six, and he never forgot to read.
At the age of seventeen, he entered the Guozi Prison, and at the age of eighteen he passed the examination and became a gongshi.
At that time, Rong Ruo was carefree, full of interest in everything, happy and comfortable.
However, people always have to grow up, and growing up means experiencing the warmth and cold of the world and the taste of life.
This year, Rong Ruo ushered in the first love of his life - his cousin.
Her cousin's parents died since childhood, and she had to live in the Pearl House.
It was the time of the falling flowers, and my cousin broke into Rong Ruo's world. At that time, in the face of the floating petals, Rong Ruo was feeling sad spring, and suddenly, her cousin appeared.
A gust of wind blew, and the petals fell on her cousin's hair, and Rong Ruo wanted to reach out and help her take it off, but did not dare. While hesitating, his cousin shouted at him, "Brother Donglang", smiled at him, and ran away.
The excitement of the first sight is the most unforgettable. Rong Ruo tossed and turned on the seat, and even when he was reading, he would see his cousin's smile in front of his eyes.
Indeed, the feeling of first love is wonderful, especially I like you, and it just so happens that you like me too.
After that, they stayed together all day, playing together, reading together, occasionally mixing mouths and fighting, but they were immediately reconciled.
Rong Ruo is happy and quiet, and her cousin loves to move, but when her cousin proposes to climb a tree and pick flowers, Rong Ruo can't care about her own noble prince image and plays with her cousin.
During those romantic years, they made a lifelong commitment, thinking that when they grew up, they would be able to be together.
However, the vast city of Beijing could not tolerate their love at all. Rong Ruo's marriage is destined to be involuntary.
A holy decree completely broke the illusion of the two. The cousin was sent to the palace by Rong Ruo's parents.
Rong Ruo resented the power for snatching love with a knife, and lamented his inability to do anything.
At the time of the farewell, he also quietly stuffed a small note for his cousin, advising his cousin to take good care of himself and look forward to the two meeting again.
Rong Ruo is simply stupid! Once you enter the palace gate as deep as the sea, once you step inside, how many people can return?
Young Rong Ruo didn't understand this at all, and he couldn't understand why two people who obviously loved each other couldn't be together.
He could never let go of this relationship, so he had a bold idea - to meet his cousin.
The Forbidden City is heavily guarded, and if it is discovered, it is a crime plus one. He knew all this, but in the end it was emotion that triumphed over reason.
Taking advantage of the national mourning, he disguised himself as a lama chanting and blended into the procession into the palace.
It should be the favor of heaven, between the oncoming white-clad palace women, he found his cousin, and his cousin also saw him, and when the two eyes were intertwined, there were crystal tears in their eyes.
At this time, this pair of bitter lovers had too much to say, but no one dared to cross the thunder pool one step, and could only let each other's figures disappear at the end of the palace wall.
Since then, Rong Ruo has never heard from his cousin again.
This is Rong Ruo's first love, and the heartache of love but not being able to love has cast the first gray on Rong Ruo's life.
In the eyes of outsiders, he is still the simple and bright teenager he once was, and the sadness in his heart is unknown.
Some people say that to be a person, you must be able to afford to put it down. However, it is not difficult to pick up, but it is not easy to put down.
02 One life and one couple
Rong Ruo was twenty years old, reaching the age of marriage.
According to his parents' orders, Rong Ruo married Lu Shi, the daughter of Lu Xingzu, the governor of Liangguang. Rong Ruo knew that marrying relatives was a man's growth ceremony and the responsibility of the eldest son in the family. He chose to accept, without joy or sorrow or expectation.
However, life is a march of sorrow and joy, and if there is something to lose, there will be gains, and Lu Shi is a treasure given to him by heaven.
Lifting the hijab, the first time he saw her, Rong Ruo felt familiar.
She is not a beautiful woman, but she was born quiet and gentle, and Rong Ruo is very appreciative of this.
However, Rong Ruo would still accidentally reveal sadness and sorrow, which was all looked at by Lu Shi.
Lu Shicongmin, she did not ask questions, but just silently accompanied him, with her thoughtfulness and gentleness, to dissolve the pain in Rong Ruo's heart.
At first, he was just doing his duty as a husband to his wife, pampering her as much as possible and accompanying her.
But Rong Ruo soon found that it was both comfortable and reassuring to be with his wife: when he was studying, his wife was a female red on the side; when he was writing, her wife studied ink for him; and for all his arrangements, her wife respected and never bothered.
As long as Rong Ruo looked at her, he would find that there was a smile quietly blooming on her lips.
The entire Naran province praised him for marrying a generous and decent Fujin. Only he knew, in fact, that his eighteen-year-old wife also had a childlike side.
One day when it was raining heavily, Rong Ruo was writing in the study, and after waiting for Lu Shi for a long time, he looked around, and finally, he saw Lu Shi holding an umbrella in the courtyard.
It turned out that she was worried that the rain would break the lotus, so she held up an umbrella for the lotus. And these flowers are planted by Rong Ruo.
At this moment, I'm afraid Rong Ruo's heart also melted.
He was in love with her.
Together, they counted the stars, looked at the moon, walked through the streets and alleys hand in hand, and commented on poetry and danced together.
For him, Lu Shi is not only his wife, but also his confidant.
Two years after marriage, Lu became pregnant. He often lay on his wife's bulging abdomen, listening to the clear and powerful heartbeat coming from her belly.
When the wife asked him if he wanted a boy or a girl, he replied seriously, "I just want a child like you." The wife laughed and said she wanted a child like him too.
This was the happiest day of Rong Ruo's life, before and after this, his lyrics could not be separated from sorrow and resentment, only this period, his poetry was as bright as spring.
In that era when love was never mentioned, Rong Ruo was so different, he was like a child, declaring his love to the world.
However, when the water is full, it overflows, and the moon is profitable and lost, and the gain and the loss are always accompanied.
After giving birth to a baby boy, Lu Shi fell ill and left Rong Ruo alone, only twenty-one years old.
Losing his beloved, twenty-three-year-old Rong Ruo felt the first old age in his life.
Those beautiful pasts have also become unforgettable affection in Rong Ruo's heart.
When the curtain rolled in the west wind, no one added clothes for him anymore; when the autumn wind rose, he was left alone in the remnant sun.
Lu Shi once asked Rong Ruo, "Do you know which is the saddest word in this world?" ”
Rong Ruo said I don't know.
Lu said, "It's the word 'if.'" ”
If there hadn't been so many encounters, maybe there wouldn't have been so much sadness.
It's just a pity that there are so many ifs in life.
If so, let love last a little longer, a little longer!
03 If life is only like the first sight
Rong Ruo loves Jiangnan Water Town the most, and he once agreed with Lu Shi that he would return to Jiangnan together and be an ordinary couple in the future.
Today, it's just a dream from years ago.
Twenty-three years after Kangxi, Rong Ruo, as a royal bodyguard, escorted Kangxi south.
Rong Ruo finally came to Jiangnan, where his soul was haunted, and in addition to his excitement, he wrote down more than a dozen lyrics praising the great scenery of Jiangnan in one breath.
In fact, Rong Ruo's trip has another purpose.
When he was in the capital, Rong Ruo heard the name of Shen Wan, a singer in Jiangnan. It is rumored that her parents died when she was young, and she was unfortunately reduced to dust, but her talent was perfect.
Whenever he heard Shen Wan's poignant and mournful words, Rong Ruo would have a feeling of pity for each other.
Lu Shi died many years ago, he was too lonely, he longed to have a pillow person, let him forget the pain and start a new life.
Finally, he and Shen Wan met. Shen Wan's talent and beauty are not inferior to Lu's.
Before the meeting, both people had heard of each other, and this meeting was just to confirm the look in their eyes.
Shen Wan followed him to the capital.
He hopes to say goodbye to yesterday and start over;
She thought that this man was her destination.
However, rong ruo could never escape the cage of the world.
Rong Ruo was a flag national, Shen Wan was a Han national, Manchu han was not allowed to intermarry, he could not marry her openly and honestly, so he had to buy a house outside and secretly marry her.
Therefore, she is not even a concubine, but can only be counted as an outer chamber.
Usually, Rong Ruo was busy with official duties, and there were wives and concubines in the family, so he could only meet Shen Wan in the middle of the night, hurrying and hurrying.
But for people who love each other, what does this mean?
Shen Wan's appearance added color to his almost gray life. After meeting her, Rong Ruo thought that everything could be started again, and she and Shen Wan could easily fall in love.
Unfortunately, they met too late, and Rong Ruo already had too much on his back.
We have to admit that love needs timing, and the most regrettable thing is that we met the right person at the wrong time.
Rong Ruo could never get out of the wound of love, he loved Lu Shi too much, which exhausted all his love. As a result, he no longer had the strength to love others anymore.
After a few months of getting along, Rong Ruo's spirit became more and more scattered, he couldn't lift his strength for anything, and he no longer had the same spirit as before.
He also tried to be kind to Shen Wan, repairing her house, giving her small gifts, and accompanying her to drink and write poetry.
But more often than not, he couldn't control his grief.
Shen Wan also tried hard, she made soup for him, cooked Jiangnan side dishes, and sang and danced for him.
But she found that everything was hopelessly futile.
He was full of sadness when he even laughed, and as he was talking, he suddenly lost his spirit.
Shen Wan felt that she did not really understand the person in front of her, and a sense of powerlessness gradually spread between them.
The most feared thing in the relationship is powerlessness, if both people feel powerless, they can only fly apart in the end.
In this way, after only one winter in the capital, Shen Wan left, with regret and sentimentality in the season when the peach blossoms first bloomed and the willows grew.
Perhaps, she would rather never come to the capital and never know Nalan Rongruo, then she would be much happier.
However, there are so many ifs in life.
epilogue:
For most people, it is a new starting point in life, but for Rong Ruo, life is close to the end.
"If life is only like the first sight, what autumn wind and sorrow paint fan." How nice it would be if life could stop at the thrill of the first sight!
At the age of fourteen, he was a personable young boy, and she was a bright and delicate little cousin;
At the age of twenty, hatsumi, he is a prosperous family son, she is the right family daughter.
At the age of twenty-nine, he was a sad-faced vicissitudes guest, and she was a talented Jiangnan flower.
However, at the end of his life, he still did not understand that the things of the world, where there is anything complete, impermanence is the truest appearance of life.
Some love, no matter how hard we try, can't get it;
Some people, no matter how much we keep them, will go the same;
Some things, it is because of regrets, that they can be put in the heart longer...
In the late spring of the twenty-fourth year of the Kangxi Dynasty, Rong Ruo fell ill after a small gathering with friends and died seven days later.
This year, he was thirty years old.
Reviewer: Mai Shu
Proofreading/Finding Image: Mai Shu
Typography: Kun Kun