Many people are puzzled as to why it is always difficult to regulate their emotions, in fact, our personality, habits and even cognition at this moment are inseparable from the original ecological family.
As the saying goes, a happy childhood heals a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood needs to be cured with a lifetime.
A person from a bad "family of origin" is often more likely to feel lonely and more difficult to live with people, such a group of people, will be more sensitive to isolation and contempt and differences, usually because of the experience of different degrees of neglected injuries in childhood, and this unconscious injury affects a person's personality and life.
Constantly justifying things and behaviors that have become a thing of the past
If you find that the person around you, or you often defend yourself for what has been wronged or that has happened and happened in the past, then it is likely that it is not simply that he has really been wronged, but that deep down this person lacks a certain sense of security.
Justification is a disguised denial, which is the instinct of man's self-defense mechanism. The act of denial is the act of self-protection in the form of rejection of difficult emotions.
Because after the explanation you may not be severely punished, you may get something expected, or even avoid being "abandoned" by your parents.
Because Chinese parents are really easy to make a common mistake in the process of parenting, that is, in order to reduce trouble and save trouble, when the child is disobedient, he will say the warning phrase of "then the parents will not love you / don't want you", and the threat and intimidation of adults will eventually make the child form a subconscious defense system.
This kind of personality that makes reasons for itself, whether it is wanting to change, or feeling troubled, if you want to find the root cause of change, you may have to explore the original ecological family of this person, and his sensitivity is because of a kind of self-preservation for fear of being threatened.
Conceit and inferiority alternate
Ego is the protective mechanism of inferiority, and a person with strong inferiority is painful in the face of the real self, so imagine a false self to protect one's self-esteem through conceit.
People with low self-esteem will inexplicably degrade themselves because of various self-righteous deficiencies, which is an act of escape.
Most people with low self-esteem and ambitions tend to have strong self-esteem and ambition, self-evaluation standards will be slightly higher, when in life, due to their own improper methods, or some force majeure factors into trouble, self-esteem is damaged, the sense of superiority loss of low emotions will go to the other extreme.
Conceit is also a kind of self-preservation behavior, it is to warn the people around them of their own strength in a way that is arrogant and empty-eyed.
In fact, the hearts of these 2 types of people are extremely painful, and they are all using their virtual selves to fight against the crisis. The two also do not have an accurate understanding of themselves, and blindly use their own ways to resist and check all people and things that may be harmful to themselves.
Cognitive law requires a dialectical and comprehensive view of others and oneself through objective cognition. And a child who lacks the right guidance and approval since childhood will choose a way to cope with it as an adult.
Always feel lonely
Loneliness is not loneliness, but inner helplessness and wandering.
If you still feel lonely even if you are deeply involved in the hustle and bustle, then you must lack a warm family or childhood.
Babies have an innate instinctive attachment to their parents, and whether the parent can take good care of them affects the person's mental health.
If the infancy is well cared for and satisfied, then he will be able to establish an emotional connection with his parents or the person who cares for him, and continue to nourish his heart, and the child will both enjoy this connection and rely on the existence of this relationship.
On the contrary, if the demand is not responded to, or even the bridge is cut off, then it will become fragile and uneasy, when the inner black hole cannot be filled, when the unknown cannot be controlled by itself, the sense of loneliness will also be uncontrollably generated, which has nothing to do with how many people are around, it is a sense of helplessness from the depths of the heart.
Parents do not have the choice, has been generated hurt and regret can not be changed, aware of the root of the problem, we need to face our own problems again, maintain a positive and correct attitude, in order to restart life, towards a healthy mental state.
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Text/Emotional Transit Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.