Be careful, don't raise children with flattering personalities

By：Mark

I remember a few years ago, there was a Taiwanese idol drama called "Destined to Fall in Love with You", the heroine played by Chen Qiaoen in the film, at the beginning of the company, known as a Post-it Note Girl, anyone in the company can tell her to do things, run errands and make a variety of calls, and she does not know how to refuse, and even sometimes it is obvious that others make mistakes, she will also think that she did not do it right, and made her life miserable.

Psychologically, this kind of personality and way of doing things is called a flattering personality. People of this personality are accustomed to obeying the instructions of others and do not know how to refuse. People with a flattering personality are accustomed to taking the initiative to apologize, pandering to others, not having their own independent principles and not knowing how to refuse, afraid of causing trouble to others, usually choosing to bear in silence, inner inferiority, and fear of negative evaluation by others.

Let's take a look at the specific performance of the role played by Chen Qiaoen in "Destiny to Fall in Love with You", when others arrange for her to do things that she may not be able to do, she actually wants to refuse the unreasonable demands of the other party in her heart, but when she acts, she becomes a promise, and even she will feel that her refusal is like making a big mistake, and finally it becomes a dirty and tiring job to her.

Moreover, she was particularly careful when doing what others had to tell her. For example, when a colleague asked her to help buy coffee, she carefully wrote down the needs of each colleague, for fear of making a mistake, and felt that subconsciously she also felt that it was her duty to do so. But when she needed help, she never knew how to ask for help, because she was afraid that others would reject her.

In the play, when she is with a group of so-called good friends, such as going to KTV to sing, she will take the initiative to find a topic, make the scene lively for fear of cold, and even when texting with friends, she will feel sorry for not replying to the other party in time, thinking that it is all her fault. Speaking is also cautious, and the words are carefully considered for fear of provoking the other party to be angry.

This kind of typical external manifestation of the flattering personality, we can see in many places and many people, they are inferior, they only promise to be cautious, afraid that they will make mistakes, but often so, they are more called by the people around them to do all kinds of things they are not willing to do.

Many people will ask, how did such a character form? In fact, no one is born with such a personality, and there are often people with such personality, and the cause of this personality is closely related to the education method of his original family in his adolescence.

Everyone must have had this experience, in the student age, our parents will use their experience to teach us that we should do this and should not do that, and that doing is the best thing for us. And although we do not feel that our parents' words are right in our hearts, we can only accept them under pressure, and even sometimes resist, and parents will use powerful violence to suppress them, so in order to avoid being beaten, we will no longer carry out obvious resistance. Under such pressure for a long time, we become taciturn and become non-committal in personality.

If in the later stages, we can have strong inner strength and behavioral ability to correct our personality, not let this silence and only promises become instinctive, and we can slowly build up our self-confidence to face life. But often more often, children will continue to be under such pressure, stockholm syndrome, and begin to feel that it is their own reasons that will lead parents to treat themselves in this way, this kind of regret will gradually evolve into their own contempt, feel how they can let parents down in this way, so as to have a conscious sense of behavior to please parents, trying to get their appreciation.

This psychological change is very terrible, in the process of forming a flattering personality, the child will gradually lose his personality, will feel that he is an appendage, when he was a child, he was an appendage of his parents, when he was a teacher and classmates, after work, he was an appendage to the boss and colleagues, and on the road of his growth, it seems that he will always live for the affirmation of others.

Such a life is very tiring, to change this situation is also very difficult, although we see in the TV series that the post-it note girl later became confident and cheerful and has her own opinions and knows how to pursue her love and ideals, but in reality, we see too many people who have lost their own flattering personality, and they are beaten all over the body in life, but they do not know how to make themselves better.

This is why we say that in the early years of children, we should adopt an encouraging way of education, not with strong suppression, or self-righteous I am for your own good, you must listen to me in this way of education. We should build our child's self-confidence, let him learn to dominate his own life, let him know that all the results are caused by his own behavior, whether good or bad, because only by personally experiencing these things can he truly understand what kind of behavior will lead to what kind of results, and what kind of efforts will be made to achieve what kind of results.

Sub-non-fish, anzhi fish pleasure. We are not children, and we will never really understand what our children's demands are, even if you are a parent who is connected to your child by blood.