He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
What is mental attrition?
In simple terms:
A person has two children in his heart, makes different decisions, has different views, and engages in a protracted struggle inside.
One is intellectual, one is emotional; one is positive and one is negative; one is decisive and one is indecisive.
In fact, most people have two selves in their hearts.
It's just that some people can give themselves the right instructions, and some people can't give the right instructions.
Any thought that affects your normal life and your judgment is a meaningless spiritual internal friction.
-01
What are the characteristics of mental internal friction?
First: always feel anxious about the future and have bad thoughts
Before anything happens, the person responds with a pessimistic mindset.
He always thinks, "I can't finish it, I'm bad, I'm going to fail." ”
But there's another voice: "I can, I can do it, I think I'll do it." ”
So, in both voices, he fell into a state of struggle.
Trying to escape from this state, there is some powerlessness.
Proper anxiety can keep us cautious; but excessive anxiety can make you fall into pain little by little.
Second: "Tangled" decision-making, indecisiveness
One of the most annoying things for people with serious mental attrition is to do multiple choice questions.
For example: What to eat?
Which way to go?
Where to go?
When looking for a job, which company should I turn away?
What kind of life is suitable for you?
They are always struggling because their indecisiveness is missing many opportunities in vain.
Even in relationships, they often show a tangled posture and are always indecisive.
He will be timid in the face of the pursuit of like people; when he meets someone he likes, he will withdraw.
Third: In socializing, overthinking others
When dealing with others, they always behave cautiously and cautiously.
Will ponder the meaning behind each sentence of others, will pay too much attention to each other's emotions, expressions.
Whenever he feels silence in the process of communication, he will think of the fault on himself.
"Did I do something wrong, so he didn't want to deal with me?"
"Do they hate me and don't talk to me at all?"
The contradictions with each other in social life were all transferred to themselves, so the two children in their hearts began to argue again.
Fourth: In socializing, there is a lack of courage to reject others
In the face of the unreasonable demands of others, even if he is reluctant in his heart, he still cannot say the sentence "I do not want to."
The words of refusal had reached his lips and he had swallowed them again.
Always wronged yourself to fulfill others, and then after each time, he warned himself: "Next time I must refuse."
But the next time, they still can't refuse others.
Fifth: Unable to forgive yourself, falling into self-blame
One thing is already done, and we just need to learn from it and experience it.
Whether successful or not, you have to understand one thing: what has already happened cannot be changed.
For people with mental attrition, they have never been able to "let themselves go" and cannot accept what has been done calmly.
For example:
Lost in love, he will fall into the last relationship can not get out, always self-pity, complaining that he is not good enough.
After being fired, he was sad for a while and could not find a new job.
When life encounters setbacks, he habitually blames all the faults on his own head and falls into pain.
In essence, such mental internal friction is actually the suppression of the self.
Sixth: Habitual silence, unwillingness to confide in the outside world
Everyone has different degrees of "desire to share".
Talk to your parents, or talk to your friends or lovers.
But people with serious mental attrition are always unwilling to confide their emotions and thoughts to others, and they are unwilling to express anything in their hearts.
In fact, everyone's heart is like a container, and if this container is stuffed, it is easy to break.
Once emotions and beliefs collapse, the person is destroyed by mental attrition.
-02
How can we change the "mental attrition"?
First: more action, less indecisiveness
What you want to do, what you want to say, what you want to try, make a plan right away and do it.
Success is only possible if you try; if you are not even willing to try, then all that awaits you is failure.
"The reason you're so upset is because you think too much and do too little."
Only by taking action, with more positive and proactive emotions, can everything be possible.
If you're always indecisive and forward-looking, you'll find it too late when you want to do it.
It's like a person who wants to exercise, get thinner and better looking.
He set a goal this month, but did not implement it; next month he set a goal, or did not implement it.
A few years have passed, and he is still in that state, without the slightest change.
Second: No one is perfect, but you can try to do it well
Don't fall into a "perfectionist mentality", you have to understand: no one is perfect.
Everyone has all sorts of flaws.
Good looking, good personality, maybe his ability is worse; and the average looking, average appearance of the person, maybe all aspects of the conditions are very good.
Learn to be your own imperfections, then move on to your ideal goal and one day you will be the best version of yourself.
If you are always caught in mental friction and are not willing to make any changes, then you will destroy your life with your own hands.
Today's Topic:
Will you have "mental attrition"?
(Article with picture source network)