Text | Rice grain mom
Recently, the epidemic in Tianjin has been making a lot of noise, and some relatives and friends of Rice Daddy have done nucleic acid seven times. There have also been several cases in Beijing, and some people are also worried.
That day I sighed with my rice father, fortunately, the children finished two doses of the new crown vaccine last month, and their hearts can be more solid.
The grain of rice continued: "Our class Chen Tiantian did not finish!" ”
I asked, "Why?" ”
Rice grain said: "She let her hamster bite, has been vaccinating rabies, so can not get the new crown, you have to finish six shots of rabies to get the new crown." ”
This cat-clawed dog bite is quite common, hamster bite? This is a bit rare.
Since the last time Chen Tiantian was bullied and the rice grain "saw righteousness and courage", Chen Tiantian regarded him as a good friend. So her rice grain is still quite clear. See the story of the righteous brave to see here: "I heard that my son fought at school, my first reaction was...".
Rice grain said that it was because Chen Tiantian liked the hamster too much, so he played with it in his hand all day long. Feed it with your hands and put it on your lap while watching TV.
That day, I didn't know what was going on, the hamster suddenly "beastly hair" bit Chen Tiantian and bled. At that time, she couldn't believe how a hamster, which had always been docile, could bite people so fiercely.
So I had to obediently go to the hospital to get vaccinated.
In fact, the relationship between humans and animals is very delicate, if the distance is not mastered well "love too much", animals will really be unable to stand it.
There is a particularly good movie that is about this, and The rice grain mother also let the rice grain turn back to recommend it to Chen Tiantian.
It is a film made by Luc Jagay that is full of spirit and visually beautiful: "The Fox and Me".
Luc Jagai is a director who is good at making documentaries, so the feeling of this feature film is also the shock and realism of this documentary.
The scenery between the mountains and fields is so beautiful that almost every frame can be cut directly for desktop. The whole movie tells the story of a girl who tames a fox.
A girl who is fascinated by a fox
A ten-year-old girl meets a fox on her way to school, and the girl is instantly fascinated by the beautiful fox.
From this point on, girls would come to this forest every day after school to look forward to seeing foxes.
Just after watching the beginning, Migrain's mother decided to recommend this film. Because it's so eye-catching.
The girl's attachment to the fox is definitely more than liking and interesting, it is almost a state of fascination. From autumn to winter, the girl never stopped going into the forest to find it, waiting to meet it and get close to her.
That day, she searched for the fox in the thick snow along the footprints of the fox and accidentally broke her leg. So she had to stay in the house all winter.
During that time, she read many books about foxes and thought about foxes in her room.
When the spring blossoms, the girl's legs are finally healed. She was the first to run to the forest she had been thinking about day and night.
At that time, she heard that there were foxes hunting in the forest, and she had been worried about foxes. Now she could finally go and see how the fox was doing.
Worried about the fox, the little girl was ecstatic to find the fox's cave and its three baby foxes, but did not expect the fox to smell the smell of people and transfer the cubs overnight.
The girl decided not to disturb the fox, but to sit on the beech tree and wait for it to appear. They also sprinkled food along the way, waiting to lure the fox over.
But the fox's life is not so quiet, it will be chased by the tiger, blocked outside the hole, starving and spending time to survive.
The partner died under the hunter's gun, and a little further ahead, there would be a shotgun waiting for him.
The fox walked along the path of the food, watching from a distance, watching the girl warily. Sensing the girl's kindness, it grew closer to her day by day.
One day, the fox seemed to want to take the girl to a particularly unattainable place, and the girl chased after her, and she wanted to know where its home was.
She came to the depths of the forest, where there were so many animals that the girls were so forgetful that they were almost out of danger.
In this way, they established a relationship that she came to the forest to look for it, and many times she would find that the fox was also waiting for her arrival.
On this day, she saw the fox blocked in the tree by several wolves, and it seemed that it was about to fall down and become a plate of food.
Somehow of the courage, she stood up from behind the tree she was hiding, and "snapped" the blown paper bag, trying to attract the wolf's attention so that the fox could escape.
But when the wolf approached her, she was completely confused, but the fox did use this time difference to escape.
As soon as the child's ignorant and fearless energy came up, she actually shouted loudly. This frightened the wolves into scattering.
Since then, she has completely "tamed" the fox, and even the few little foxes have become her friends.
At this time, there was a bullet screen that was particularly funny, saying: "Finally Caught up." "Hahaha! Really apt.
Possess the fox
Later, the girl's behavior is a bit off the way. Her possessiveness is explosive, and she is no longer satisfied with this state of "free range".
She began to try to make a fire for the fox to see, and made a circle out of wood to simulate the house, telling the fox, "This is the door, you come in." ”
He took out a piece of cloth and wrapped it around the fox's neck, and tied a rope to pull the man and said, "This is your collar, is it pretty?" ”
Dude, this is taking people as dogs...
But the wild fox was no dog, and the fox struggled desperately, biting the rope full of blood and escaping. The girl was terrified, she didn't know what was happening.
Back home, she began to think hard about how to make the fox obedient, and her obsession with the fox gradually turned into a possessiveness.
Although the fox tried to break free of the rope, the next day the fox still went to her near her house to find her, and it seems that the fox really loves this friend.
This can make the girl happy. She took it to her room and closed the door.
This time the collar was also put on, the home was also entered, and when he saw that he could not run, the fox completely panicked.
As soon as the girl saw herself locked in the room, the fox began to go manic, and it fled frantically in the house, and finally crashed out of the window, the only light in the room.
The fox that jumped out of the window fell in a pool of blood, and the girl picked up the fox in the pool of blood and walked toward its home. The little foxes came to bid farewell to their mother sadly, and the girl unconsciously untied the blood-stained collar in the fox's neck.
Only then did the girl realize that her idea of domesticating the fox was a big mistake, and she hugged the fox sadly and said, "I swear that I will never go against your will again, and I will listen to you as much as you want." ”
Fortunately, the fox was not dead, and a few days later, the fox came to the girl's vicinity again, waiting for the girl in the distance.
When the girl was pleasantly surprised to find that it was still alive, it looked at the girl's eyes, which was very meaningful.
The girl said, "It was at that moment that I learned why the fox always ran away when it saw us. They have long known that we cannot really be friends. Should I explain it to him, or should I go home and wait? ”
After looking at each other, the fox turned and ran back to the forest, and the girl chose not to go back to the forest to explain anything to the fox.
Both she and the fox chose to leave separately.
Years later, the girl who had grown up told her children about it.
She said: "I confuse love with possession, I like her but can't possess her because they don't belong to me, they have their own lives. ”
Love is letting go, not possessing
Don't look at this film like a documentary, most of the time is filmed in the natural environment and animals. But the philosophy reflected in it is very profound.
Foxes and girls are actually like each of us, whether it is between partners, or between mother and child, most of the unhappiness, in fact, comes from the poor cognition of intimacy between the two people.
Just like Chen Tiantian and hamster, little girl and fox, once love crosses the line, the other party will definitely feel the pressure, and even flee and fight back.
But are you saying that the other party did not give affection? Of course not.
When the fox repeatedly tested the girl's friendliness, it also looked forward to her arrival in the mountains and forests. When she tries to keep it captive with a rope, it breaks free and bleeds, and still comes back to the girl.
The fox longs for love from the girl, but the premise of that love is that it cannot lose its freedom.
A long-term and comfortable relationship must exist in a proper sense of distance. It is appropriate for two relatively independent individuals to connect without losing their sense of boundaries in life.
The fox in the film actually resembles our children. The girl knew that there were hunters in the forest, wolves, bears, tigers, and she knew that foxes could be very dangerous in that environment, and their lives were threatened at any time.
But what the fox needs is not a cage that has been quiet for years, in its world, perhaps the food chain will hurt or even die, but that is its way of life.
We sometimes know what kind of harm the child will face, because of excessive care, and want to protect and even monitor the child in an all-round way within a controllable range.
But will children learn to survive in a vacuum? Or, trying to protect them, they really don't hit the south wall?
Life is a process of experience, children have their own life trajectory, sometimes it is really not within our control.
As parents and elders, we should also realize that children are free and independent individuals, not appendages of others, including parents.
They have their own personalities and ideas. As the film says, "Love is not possession," love is not possession.
When the child tries to use anger and resistance to oppose our absolute authority because of rebellion, you can try another method, let go of the hand, and the child will come closer again.
Just like the more the girl catches the fox, the fox will run at the cost of breaking his head and bleeding, but because the love link has been established, the fox's heart is with the girl.
Children love us as much as we love them. But this love has a sense of boundaries, and once it breaks through, it will go wrong.
Many loves in this world are directed towards each other. Only the love between parents and children points to stripping.
Just like when Grain of Rice was a child, I would hold him and feed him; I would coax him to sleep and tell him stories. But now, if I don't let him go out and socialize with his friends, he will definitely blame me.
In the future, he will become more and more independent, and he will establish his own set of values, which are given to him by the world he sees with his own eyes, the road he has walked with his feet, and the life he has touched with his hands, not what I have told him.
"The Little Prince" says, "If you're going to tame a person, you're risking tears." ”
In the process of linking and stripping, we give a lot of love, a lot of tears. But when children are truly able to face the "jackals, tigers, leopards and shotguns" in their ecology independently, the love we give is meaningful.
About the author: @Rice Grain Mom Love To Share (Welcome to Pay Attention), American returnee, Haidian parent, when the first place in the new book list "Parent-child English Book That Affects Children's Life" author. Focus on the scientific parenting of 0-5-year-old babies, learning enlightenment, and the world's novelty recommendation, welcome to pay attention! (5-12 years old bao mom please pay attention to: @ rice grain mother channel)