In daily chat, we often show off a certain friend we know, how successful the career is, how beautiful the wife is, how competitive the children are, and there seem to always be one or two or even a few elites around us, as if when it comes to these people, their own compulsions have been raised. However, the focus of everyone's attention is often how much wealth this person has, or how many levels of officialdom, but few people say that I have a friend around me, who has a sound personality, good character, is friendly, and has principles and a bottom line.
The personality distortion behind the elite aura
Just a few days ago, I just watched an American drama "Doing Nothing", the hero and heroine of this drama are the elites recognized by American society, should be absolutely effective, and are also the people we often use as a talking point to be looked up to by the public. Let's not talk about how beautiful and noble the heroine played by Nicole Kidman is, nor how handsome the male protagonist played by Hugh Grant is, of course, in fact, there are a lot more wrinkles on the face. None of this matters, what matters is how they "do nothing". To tell the plot, Nicole Kidman is a psychologist with a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Harvard University, while her husband is a pediatric cancer doctor in a hospital. The woman's family is prominent, her father runs a gallery, and she has made numerous donations to the aristocratic private school where her grandson attended, and has a full voice. This family should be a typical elite family in the United States, which is already perfect on the surface, and what is more perfect is that the couple has been married for more than ten years, and the husband is not only handsome and handsome, but also has a good income for his patients (cancer children) and is as warm as a relative. However, all this perfection ended with the death of the mother of a classmate at his son's school, because the classmate actually had an improper male-female relationship with the elite doctor for a long time, and as a condition doctor, the poor child of the family was put into the high-end private school where his son attended. Moreover, the doctor was also removed from the hospital for violating ethics in improper male-female relationships with the children's families, and lost his job three months ago. What is even more frightening is that the pediatrician brutally killed her when threatened by her mistress, and killed her with a sculpture hammer from the woman's studio, which is outrageous.
Dr. Fisher, an elite man played by Hugh Grant, is a good doctor in the eyes of others, a good husband in the eyes of his wife, and a good father in the eyes of his son. There is no reason, there is money, status, beautiful wife, smart son, what is not satisfied, why should you have an extramarital affair with a lower-class woman. If you think so, prove that you don't see the personality behind these auras. The cause of the tragedy is the cold, dirty, brutal, twisted personality buried behind the glossy surface.
First of all, his original family, after marriage, he had almost no contact with the original family, even his parents were like strangers, and after the incident, his wife learned that there had been an accident when her husband was a child. Dr. Fisher had a sister, when he was a teenager, his sister was four years old, once his parents went out to entrust his sister to his care, as a result he concentrated on preparing lunch for himself in the kitchen, his sister accidentally opened the door and walked to the street, a car accident occurred, the family lost their young daughter, facing the parents' accusations Fisher did not have any sadness and guilt (Fisher's mother's story). Family ties became strained, and he never had contact with his parents until he left home as an adult.
However, Fisher was an extremely loving husband in his own family, gentle and considerate to his wife, of course, a wife who combines beauty and wisdom is also worth doing, let alone his son, who has always been a good father. He played a perfect role in the family. In fact, while playing the perfect role, Dr. Fisher feels very tired and depressed, because his personality has a dual nature, and there is a brutal and crazy side behind the gentleness, and the part of the other person in his environment cannot be released, and he needs to vent until he knows the mother of the child Mig. Fisher is MiG's doctor, saving the child's life is naturally respected by parents, from respect to worship, as a woman in the lower class of society Mig's mother has a flamboyant temperament, and can even be said to be a little debauched, all of which provoke Dr. Fisher's sensitive nerves, that is, the part of his hidden madness, so that he can release his inner repression through sexual means. As for the killing, it was also because he saw that the hidden part was about to be exposed to the instinct to protect himself, and reason did not overcome the cruelty that eventually led to tragedy, and he personally destroyed the two families.
Dr. Fisher treats his family as well as he always does, in stark contrast to the crazy badness he had when he had sex with Mig's mother. It is also this "good and bad" that balances the personality of an elite man, allowing him to maintain a normal life and maintain a superficial brilliance. However, his balance is eventually broken by the imbalance in the lover's heart, in fact, the woman has received psychotherapy because she cannot control her emotions. So the two personality disorders coming together also played a decisive role in the tragedy.
At the end of the trial of this criminal case, the prosecutor finally led the wife, who was a psychologist, to make an objective judgment about the perfect husband in her heart, and the wife said that Dr. Fisher was "narcissistic personality disorder" characterized by arrogance and lack of empathy. This testimony also became the last straw that overwhelmed the elite man, who paid the price he deserved for his actions. This reminds me of a domestic drama about domestic violence many years ago, "Don't talk to strangers", the doctor in the play, An Jiahe, is also a particularly good medical worker, with strong professional ability and kindness, claiming to love his wife very much but as long as he sees his wife talking to other men, he can't help but use violence. Now I think that behind this elite doctor is also a twisted personality. The terrible thing is that personality is often hidden in the depths of a person's heart, beyond the ordinary people can perceive. It is as if Dr. Fisher's wife, a doctor of clinical psychology, usually gives psychological counseling to other people and saves countless marriages and families, it is not surprising that such a smart and professional woman has not discovered her husband's personality disorder for more than ten years. It can be seen that most people will be confused by superficial phenomena and ignore the most important essence of a person. Whether there is a sound personality, good emotional control, whether there is kindness and love. When we look for the other half, we always want him to be excellent, with a high education, a high IQ, and a high income. It is also rare to hear of anyone who puts good emotional control in the front, but it is not known that many conflicts escalate, family wars break out, and marriages fail due to the inability to control emotions. If a person does not have a normal personality, it is difficult to have correct cognition, and without good emotional control, it is easy to produce excessive speech and behavior. Career success is only an external aura, and the most real and important thing in married life is precisely whether two people can understand each other and can talk well. From a psychological point of view, the halo effect is a kind of partial generalization. Our values often tend to be successful in our careers, how much wealth we have, and pay little attention to a person's temperament and character. If we adjust our values appropriately, so that respect, kindness, and integrity become the mainstream, will our lives be more harmonious, and the family will naturally be harmonious when the society is harmonious, and we are afraid that we will really be in the so-called "river crab society".