People in love are the best at deceiving themselves. If the other person doesn't love himself, he will desperately make excuses for him. So, in the "fictional" world, "he's too lazy to contact you" becomes "he's busy", "he doesn't want to spend money on you" becomes "his family is poor", "he forgot your birthday" becomes "he's not sensitive to numbers"...
Self-deception is the most pathetic.
In fact, people who really don't love you are very easy to identify. They tend to be too lazy to disguise, and there are too many flaws for you to discover. In "The Siege", Fang Hong gradually distinguishes between love and non-love at the beginning. He was never willing to accommodate people he wasn't interested in.
Su Wenyun was Fang Hongwei's college classmate, and she didn't look at him at all before. Now that she has graduated with a doctorate and returned to China on a steamship with Fang Hongwei, "seeing that others are not annoying, it seems that there is enough money", she decided to give him a chance. However, Fang Hongwei was fascinated by Miss Bao at that time, and had no time to take care of Su Wenyun.
When Miss Bao got off the boat, the heroine of Fang Hongwei's story was replaced by Miss Su. For Fang Hongwei, Miss Su is the ideal girlfriend, but she is not the ideal "lover". Her family lineage, appearance, and conversation are all good, but Fang Hongzhi is not impressed with her.
Su Wenyun treated him as thoughtfully and meticulously as his wife did to her husband. Fang Hong gradually ate peaches, and she wanted to peel them for him. His handkerchief was dirty, and she gave him herself and washed a used handkerchief for him. The buttons on his shirt had fallen off, and she was going to sew it for him.
When he arrived in Shanghai, Su Wenyun also took the initiative to give him the address of his home to give him time to play. But Fang Hongzhi was always very careful, deliberately maintaining a proper distance from her, and never talked to her about love.
When he was in high school, his family arranged for him to get engaged to Manager Zhou's daughter. He didn't graduate from college, and his fiancée died of illness. After Fang Hong gradually returned from studying abroad, he temporarily lived in Manager Zhou's house. Although he did not become the son-in-law of the Zhou family, Manager Zhou and Mrs. Zhou were extremely concerned about his marriage.
There is a gentleman surnamed Zhang who once met Fang Hongwei at the dinner party and intended to recruit him to his home as a door-to-door son-in-law. One day, Mrs. Zhou asked Fang Hong to go to the Zhang family for dinner and meet Miss Zhang.
The Zhang family is extremely admirable, and Mr. Zhang always speaks with some very simple English. Under the influence of her father, Miss Zhang's dress and behavior habits are all the same as those of foreigners. Fang Hong gradually had no interest in the rich lady who did this, he had eaten enough, carried the money he had won by playing cards with Mrs. Zhou in his pocket, and left the Zhang family without any burden in his heart.
From Fang Hongwei, I found that if a person has the following 3 performances, then he must not love you.
The Siege
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="15" >01 always reject your kindness</h1>
Zhang Ailing has a sentence, she said, "Although some people encounter what kind of good things they can't get into, some people are like silk wool dipped in rouge, and they immediately open up in a mess." ”
No matter how good things are, people who don't like them will abandon them like. No matter how good a person is, for those who don't love him, they can only be ordinary friends at most.
Su Wenyun is a miss official and a doctorate from the University of Lyon. Whether it is family lineage or academic qualifications, they are far from being comparable to Fang Hong. But at that time, on the boat, Fang Hongwei just didn't feel anything for her. Su Wenyun gave him handkerchiefs and buttons, and he not only did not have the slightest pride, but he was very afraid.
What is he afraid of? He knew that all that Su Wenyun had done for him was the wife's responsibility to her husband. If he accepted her kindness, wouldn't he have to propose to her to pay her back?
He didn't want to give, so he didn't want to owe her anything.
People who really don't love you must be miserly. I have a friend who was chased by a guy when she was in college. He is on the school basketball team, well studied, and very handsome. My friend is a person who likes to make plans, and in order to be in the same city as him after graduation, she revised her plans for the future and prepared to go to a company with him for an internship.
When she told the boy what she thought, he said forget it, or don't be together. It turned out that he just wanted to be in a relationship, and in his planned future, there was no her. He didn't want to owe her too much, so he chose to give up.
People who always reject your kindness and are afraid that you will give for them, don't really love you.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="26" >02 is clearly divided in money</h1>
I once heard a joke that a boy went to his girlfriend's house for the first time and played cards with his future father-in-law, but he didn't let the old man win. At that time, I thought it was very funny, and I thought how could there be such a stupid person.
Recently re-read "Siege of the City", I found that Fang Hongzhi is such a "stupid" person. He has always wanted to have a leather coat, and after returning to China, he saw that the leather coat was discounted and only sold for 400 yuan. But at that time, he only earned 100 yuan a month, and he didn't have much savings, so he was not willing to buy it.
When he arrived at the Zhang family, Mrs. Zhang forced him to play cards in order to test his character. Unexpectedly, when he first started playing, he won some money. He thought that if his luck had been so good, he would have bought the fur coat. As he wished, he won nearly 300 bucks. But Mrs. Zhang did not mention anything about counting money.
Therefore, Fang Hongzhi deliberately said that his luck today was too good, and he had never won so much money. Mrs. Zhang "suddenly realized" and gave him money. After Fang Hong gradually left, Mrs. Zhang thought that she was resourceful and tried out his character. As everyone knows, Fang Hong gradually dislikes Miss Zhang and does not plan to be the son-in-law of the Zhang family, so he can clearly divide the money.
Zhang Ailing said: "To be able to love a person to the point of asking him to take pocket money is a strict experiment. ”
A person who has a clear share of your money doesn't necessarily love you much.
I've seen people who eat dumplings at street shops and eat bowls of ramen noodles. How dare such a calculating person, who is afraid of losing money, dare to spend the rest of his life with him?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="35" >03 unwilling to change their habits</h1>
Fang hongzhi studied at a university in Beijing, and then studied abroad for four years. It was impossible for him not to understand the etiquette of Western food. When he went to the Zhang family for dinner, he obviously knew how much the Zhang family respected the Western etiquette system, and when eating Western food, he still used the way of eating Chinese food, "eating iron steak chicken, without knives and forks, and picking up the chicken leg with his hand to bite."
His "rude and ignorant" behavior naturally made Miss Zhang feel very disgusted. But what does it matter? Fang Hong gradually did not like her and did not care at all about her evaluation of herself.
There is a passage in the movie "Beijing Meets Seattle": He may not give you a French dinner, a luxury yacht, but he can walk a few blocks for your appetite, just to buy a big cake fritters.
People who really care about you will always remember your preferences. As long as he can do it, he is willing to change himself slightly and accommodate you as much as possible.
An actress once said that her parents divorced because her father played soot in the orchid pot that her mother raised. Some people think that her mother's approach is "doing".
However, loving someone is never about moving mountains and seas for him, doing earth-shattering things. There are not so many big things in life. Most of the time, I love someone, but I only need to take care of the habits of the other half in the small trifles.
Those who are not willing to change their habits a little bit in order to accommodate you, do not love you so much.
The emotional world of adults is cruel, love and no love, as far away as the milky way.
In fact, if a person is not deeply affectionate, we can perceive it in our own hearts. It's just that we always deceive ourselves. But if we don't want to be hurt in our relationship, we must first trust our own judgment.
Only if you don't deceive yourself can you make others take advantage of it.
One Heart Book House, dedicated to the interpretation of classic literary works.
Friends who like literature, welcome to pay attention to ~