Lead
In the TV series "I Really Love You", there is a mother who chats with other mothers, and she says bitterly, "The baby always cries when he sleeps." ”
She had a headache because she was taking care of her baby all night, resulting in insufficient sleep.
However, many people around her have persuaded her, "Sleeping separately from the baby will make the baby insecure from an early age, cause emotional alienation, and affect the baby's personality." ”
Therefore, no matter how helpless and tired she is, she has to grit her teeth and hold on.
Many mothers have also had such thoughts, because they are too concerned about the child's feelings, and they can't bear to sleep in separate rooms with their children, resulting in some children who are more than 5 years old and have not yet shared rooms with their parents.
What are the consequences of a child splitting the room with his parents too late?
As a result, the quality of sleep between children and parents is severely affected.
There is a second-born mother, because the sister and brother compete for the mother, so every day to sleep three people are crammed into the same bed.
Dabao is naughty, Xiaobao is mischievous, both sides have to be coaxed, and Bao's mother is simply lacking in skills.
The child likes to roll around the mother, the mother is difficult to balance, and finally she had to make a "scare" big move, the child obediently quieted down, and then slowly fell asleep, the mother every time the child is tired.
Some people think that the age of sharing a room with their children is 3 years old, or 5 years old is more appropriate.
However, when the parents actually do it, they find that this is not the case, and the children are either unwilling to sleep on their own, or the parents are reluctant to give up the children.
What is the best age for a child to sleep in a room? Not 3 years old and 5 years old, mainly look at these 3 points
1. The child actively wants to sleep in separate beds
Many parents do not sleep separately from their children, mainly because they are worried that their children cannot accept it, sleeping in separate rooms is actually not so terrible, and children are not as fragile as we think.
Ma Yili mentioned that her daughter offered to sleep by herself, and she insisted on it for 2 weeks.
Xiao Bao slept with me since he was a child, he was very clingy, and he would follow me wherever I went. For him, his mother was the most important person.
I had tried to propose a room to sleep with him before, but he refused. However, he is over 4 years old this year, and suddenly one day, he said to me, "Mom, I want to sleep by myself." ”
I bought him and his brother bunk beds, he chose to go to bed, and I prepared the bedding he liked.
He was looking forward to sleeping, and before it was time to go to bed, he had already made his bed and put on his sleeping bag and lay on the bed. What I didn't expect was that he was also polite enough to say goodnight to me.
I thought he was going to cry, but I didn't expect it to go very well, he didn't cry at all, and he slept soundly.
Because I usually give my child enough security, so when he proposes to sleep by himself, it means that he has accepted this matter psychologically, so sleeping in separate rooms is a matter of course.
2. Do not sleep in separate rooms too early or too late, parents should respect the development of children's body and mind
How old is the child?
Parents and children are separated from the room too early, which can easily lead to children's lack of security.
Parents and children are separated from the room too late, which can easily lead to children's lack of independence and excessive dependence on parents.
There is no fixed age for children to share rooms, after all, the physical and psychological development level of each child will be different, and parents should be determined according to the real situation of the child.
If the child wants to sleep on his own, parents should give the child the opportunity to try, rather than forcing the child to compromise and give up his right to sleep in the name of love.
3. Parents and children are ready, which is the most suitable time
Parents sleep in separate rooms with their children, and the test is not only for children, but also for parents. When a child leaves his parents and sleeps on his own, his parents feel lost.
If the child has not yet accepted the room sharing, the parents will divide the room too early, which will only make it more difficult for the child to accept, and finally end up in failure.
Children may need independent space and their own territory, but parents must not rush it. Only when parents and children are psychologically prepared, it is natural to divide the room at this time.
How can parents successfully separate rooms with their children? There are 3 suggestions
1. Parents should pay attention to the method and give their children appropriate rewards
If the child sleeps with the parents for a long time, the parents very abruptly put forward that they want to sleep separately from the child, and the child will most likely be very resistant, and there will be an illusion of feeling "abandoned by their parents".
Because the parents did not discuss with the child in advance, resulting in the child not having any psychological preparation, the child will of course object.
How did the father,whose emotional intelligence quotient satisfies his daughter and agrees to sleep in a separate bed with his parents?
The family of three was eating, and the mother said to her daughter, "Daddy clean up this room, and when the time comes, you will sleep in a room by yourself." ”
However, the daughter was not pleased, and the father stopped the mother from saying the next thing in time, and he mentioned, "I will make you a little princess room, and then you will live in it like a little princess." ”
The daughter readily agreed, but she made a new request, "Or you can make me a castle room." ”
Not only that, but the daughter also said amazingly, "I will not sleep with you in the future." ”
The parents just slept with the discussion room, did not expect the daughter to agree so quickly, the daughter thought of having her own princess room, and was no longer willing to sleep with her parents.
If parents want to sleep with their children, the layout of the child's room must be based on the child's preferences, otherwise the child loses the right to decide, which is likely to lead to the failure of the plan to sleep in the room.
2. Parents should occasionally make an exception for their children
It is not easy for parents to sleep in separate rooms with their children, and we must give our children enough time to adapt.
At the same time, we must also allow children to occasionally play tricks, children propose to sleep with their parents, and we should not be too harsh on children.
In addition, we can also agree to sleep with the child several times a week, or the parents can accompany the child and wait for the child to fall asleep before leaving.
3. Parents and children sleep in separate beds, which can be walked in two steps
Step 1: Divide the beds first
Parents can put a small bed next to the large bed, remove the railing, and the two beds should preferably be parallel to the head of the bed. The big bed with a small bed, the mother can not only comfort the child in time, but also let the child slowly learn to sleep in the small bed.
After the child gets used to it, the mother can place some softer partitions between the two beds to open the distance between the mother and the child.
After the child adapts step by step, the mother will place the small bed at a distance farther and farther away from the large bed, so that the child has a gradual separation process.
Step 2: Split the room after
Before the child is 3 years old, he cannot take care of himself, and it is not recommended that parents sleep in separate rooms with their children. Before the child is 3-6 years old, when to sleep in separate rooms, parents should see the child's acceptance.
After experiencing the separation of beds, it is much easier for parents and children to separate rooms, after all, it is just a change of room. After the child is divided into beds, he has begun to get used to sleeping alone, and his dependence on his parents will become weaker and weaker.
Whether it is to divide the bed for the child, or to divide the room, parents should pay attention to the gradual and not be too anxious.
epilogue
The fact that parents sleep in separate rooms with their children does not mean that parents do not care about their children from now on, nor does it mean that children will be far away from their parents in the future.
On the contrary, this is a very important independence on the child's life path, and it is the awakening of the child's self-awareness. The child will feel that I am no longer part of the parents' room, but separate, he has his own room, his sense of self can be improved and perfected.