How to avoid making meals a power struggle

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• How can I avoid arguing about food with my child at every meal?
• What if my child refuses to eat what I eat?
• How can I be sure my child is eating well enough?

For many families, sitting down to eat together usually means arguing about food — what's on the menu, who eats (or doesn't eat) what and how much. But who wants night after night? Read on to learn how to prevent food fights at the family table.

Nutritionists say your job is to decide what to eat, when to eat, and where to eat, and your child's job is to figure out the rest. Give your child reasonable, healthy food choices, but don't force her to eat. As difficult as it may be, it's important to give your child some control – you may be surprised at how well your child self-regulates when it comes to food.

"It's your child deciding whether to eat, what to eat from the foods provided, and how much to eat," said Nancy Hudson, a registered dietitian at the University of California, Davis.

To avoid quarrels over dinner, try not to talk about food at the table and simply offer a meal without comment. Make eating a stress-free time when you talk about pleasant things together.

Of course, if your child is a picky eater, keeping your tongue may require a lot of restraint. But in the long run, if you don't emphasize her eating habits throughout the meal, your child will benefit.

Mom may reward you with a bowl of ice cream to clean up your plate, but that just shows that vegetables are the punishment and desserts are the rewards. Instead, consider the following tips:

• Don't be a short-term chef and prepare special meals just to appease your kids. Don't snack near meal times – if your child is hungry, she's more likely to eat.
• Involve your child in planning and preparing meals. If she could help fix something on the table, she might be more likely to eat it.
• Have your child serve herself at the dinner table from a few healthy options instead of loading plates for her in the kitchen. In this way, she learned to decide for herself what to eat and how much to eat, and to take responsibility for her own choices.
• Provide at least one food that you know your child enjoys, don't discuss eating habits, and clean the table at the end of the meal – even if your child doesn't finish eating all of her food. It doesn't matter if she's still hungry after dinner.
• If your child scoffs at a new food, don't be afraid to eat it again. Try cooking or raw food in a different way. Children often need to be exposed to a new food multiple times before they learn to like it. Give it time and don't force it.
• Take a moment to talk to your child about how nutritious foods can make her feel better, give her more energy, and help her body become stronger. When she makes healthy choices, compliment her by saying things like, "It will help you have strong muscles!" or "I like that too!" "
• If she wants dessert, don't give it to her with a lot of fanfare, but consider eating fruit instead of a sugary snack. Offering more nutritious desserts and the occasional ice cream can promote healthy habits.
• It's important to be a good role model. If your child sees you enjoying your meal, she is also more likely to enjoy her meal.

Remember, your child is the one who controls what she puts into her body. Deciding when your child is hungry, or when she's full, will end up hurting her.

"She won't learn to recognize when she's hungry and when she's done, and you'll set her up for eating problems later on, like obesity, overeating or controlling food," Hudson said. "The kids are very good at self-regulation. They may eat almost nothing one day, and then the next day they eat a lot of food.

If you observe what your child eats during the week or a month, you'll see that she gets what she needs from different food groups (as long as you provide healthy varieties).

For more help, check out our article on coping with picky eaters.

Transferred from babycenter