A good intimate relationship must be that two people are deeply in love with each other, so that both parties can cherish and manage the relationship together, and feel happy and happy from this. But sometimes, love is also excessive. Excessive love can not only cause pain to oneself or the other person, but also hurt the intimate relationship itself.
01
Over-idealization in relationships
Before entering into intimacy, we already have fantasies about the other half, and no matter what the source of those fantasies is, or what is in the fantasy, in essence, the fantasy is the vision of perfection in our hearts.
Yet in fact, no intimate relationship is perfect, not even any relationship can be perfect.
No one can "always" meet your expectations, and if you find someone who can, they're not being the "real self." Truth means imperfection, but it is precisely because of imperfection that we can light up each other's lives.
02
Excessive dependence in relationships
In love, two people need to rely on each other and support each other, but you can't lose yourself and make yourself miserable because of this dependence.
Some people are very dependent on each other in intimate relationships and are eager to be with each other 24 hours a day. This psychological need cannot be met, because in the end this person will understand that only he can accompany himself for 24 hours, and others will not act according to his own wishes.
This excessive dependence will make you feel intensely lonely and lonely, while bringing pain and loss.
03
Over-giving in relationships
Love needs to be maintained by two people together, and if you feel that you have been desperately giving in a relationship, then the relationship is difficult to maintain.
Giving too much also means taking control, which can make you feel tired and helpless, and turn the other person in the relationship into a free, cared for baby.
Slowly, your intimacy will be exhausted by this pattern.
04
Excessive demands in relationships
In a relationship, the person who loves more often has this kind of thinking: "I am so good to you, you must be so good to me"; or "I am like this, you are not like that".
The essence of these ideas is to demand obedience from the other party with one's own emotional efforts. At first glance, these ideas may seem reciprocal, but love and relationships are not buying and selling.
We can't force each other to do anything because of our own demands, and in intimate relationships, all flow should be natural and willing. There is no need for us to go against our will in order to satisfy each other's demands.
The excess of love is actually a crossing of boundaries.
Many people think that love is the fusion of two people and does not require any boundaries. But even in love, both parties have their own boundaries; at all times, we are independent individuals.
Everyone needs to take responsibility for their emotions and hold the other person accountable for his emotions. The meaning of one's happiness and survival should not be based on others, and mutual respect, mutual understanding and witnessing each other's growth in the relationship is the greatest gift of love to us.