Author: Aono Maki
Source: New Oriental Homeschooling (ID: xdfjtjy)
Parenthood is a practice.
Before giving birth to a daughter, I always heard others say that girls are easy to raise, but it wasn't until I raised a little witch in the world that I found that it was not easy to raise a daughter.
There is peace of mind, because her present, which was once my past, can understand what she is thinking by just leaning over her angle.
There is also anxiety, because the environment in which girls grow up now is so different from what we were then, and they face more pressures and challenges than we do.
But fortunately, the mother-daughter connection and her natural similarity allow me to have many advantages in the parenting process.
Not to mention, many times, daughters are natural followers of their mothers.
So, instead of worrying about your daughter's upbringing, you should live like you want her to be.
Because the way the mother is now, it is the latest template for the daughter to understand life.
01
- Most good girls have a lighthouse called "Mom" in front of them.
I have seen an Indian movie called "New Classmate".
The daughter of the play, Apushi, after experiencing the death of her father and her mother running all day long, can only squeeze in the slums, with mediocre results and a life without hope, completely destroyed the girl, and finally she chose to confess her life and lie flat.
Seeing her daughter abandon herself, her mother Qian Da was anxious to go crazy.
I am desperately trying to earn money, hoping that my daughter can study well and change her destiny. But no matter how much persuasion, the daughter was not moved.
In desperation, Chanda turned to his employer for help and "accompanied the reading" at her suggestion. Entered her daughter's class in the name of "new classmate" and became a classmate with her daughter.
During this period, Chanda was exhausted between school and work, but he was still ridiculed by others and misunderstood by his daughter.
Fortunately, in the end, seeing her mother's desperate efforts, her daughter finally understood her good intentions and rekindled the hope of learning, and finally the mother and daughter both passed the exam.
The mother in the play, who uses the "fierce heart" on herself, uses her physical efforts to tell this girl who bows her head for suffering, as long as she holds on to her dreams, nothing cannot be changed.
Her efforts are what many mothers in reality are also doing, in different ways, but the heart of loving children is the same.
Many parents have the same confusion: "Why do you say so much, the child just doesn't listen?" ”
Because the essence of education is not indoctrination, but influence.
The great truth of the long case will never have the power of the silent subtlety of moisturizing.
Comedian Jia Ling, when she was most depressed, could not even pay the rent of 400 yuan.
But many years later, several Spring Festival Galas brought joy to countless audiences.
In an interview, Jia Ling talked about her mother, who died unexpectedly.
What impressed her most about my mother was her smiling face and optimism all the time. This also made Jia Ling, who was still young at the time, interested in things that could bring joy to people from a very young age.
It can be said that jia ling's mother's influence on her has long been rooted in her destiny.
In most girls' lives, from childhood onwards, mothers usually become her first impression of the world.
The appearance of the mother will form a "memory ability" for the daughter, and when the daughter grows up, the mother's behavior will become the first reaction when she encounters problems.
And the mother's attitude towards life will also become the strength of her daughter's future confrontation when she falls into a deep valley.
02
- The greatest misfortune of many girls is that they live like nasty mothers.
When my daughter was very young, we had a "dark time" together.
To sum up me at that time in one sentence, it is: when it is quiet, it is a loving mother, and when it is broken, it is a devil.
Maybe it was during that time that both physically and mentally had reached the stress threshold, and after a "disobedience" by my daughter, I completely exploded.
I shouted at her over and over again, accusing me of grievances and despair, and denouncing her for ruining my life.
Seeing that I was mad, my daughter was particularly quiet, not crying as usual, standing as stupid as if stunned, her fingers moving in panic, and her eyes were full of confusion.
At that moment, through her body, the memory flowed back, and I seemed to see the little me who had shrunk in the corner many years ago, bearing the anger of my mother, and did not dare to cry, did not dare to move, did not dare to escape.
I boasted that I had been teaching for many years, and I had cultivated my eyes and heart early, but I didn't expect that when my emotions were out of control, it was like the white bone essence under Sun Wukong's stick, and I was suddenly beaten back to the prototype.
Until now, I have been full of guilt for my daughter for that loss of control, and I don't know if my vicious appearance will permanently penetrate a thorn in her heart.
American psychologist Selma Freberg once talked about "ghosts in the nursery", describing that parents will unconsciously let their children repeat the trauma they experienced in their childhood when raising their children.
Homeschooling is a cycle, for better or worse.
I know that there is a question: "I hate my mother's personality, and I hate myself more and more like my mother, what should I do?" ”
Many netizens shared their helplessness:
There is a saying: "The saddest thing about a girl is that when she grows up, she finds herself living like the most hated mother." ”
Mother, is the fate of the daughter.
Most of the girls who need to spend their lives to heal have a native mother behind them who wants to escape.
Sadly, the more you want to escape, the more you will be strengthened.
03
- The most advanced way to raise a girl is to live as you want her to be.
1. "Deliberately" show your behavior
I once heard a teacher share:
The daughter is timid and always hides behind her when she sees strangers.
Later, I stumbled upon a period of time when she took the initiative to greet others more frequently, and her daughter slowly began to take the initiative to say hello to strangers.
After that, she began to deliberately act more confident and bold in front of her daughter, and when she met people from afar, her voice would rise, she would smile and say hello, and sometimes create opportunities to talk more.
Sure enough, soon after, the daughter gradually became bold, and even took the initiative to go to the children to ask if they could play together when playing in the community.
Education begins with imitation.
What you want your child to look like, you make first.
2. Live as an example for your daughter
Remember Zhou Yasong, a 52-year-old hardcore mother who accompanied her daughter to graduate school a few years ago?
At the age of 56, she received a doctoral acceptance letter from Korea University for a Doctorate in Music.
At the beginning, during her daughter's graduate school, she accompanied her daughter to endorse and read the questions together, and when practicing the piano, in order to set an example for her daughter, she decided to take the graduate school exam with her.
After that, Zhou Yasong was a year before his daughter and was admitted to the graduate school of Central China Normal University.
In the face of his daughter who was a little discouraged because she did not pass the exam, Zhou Yasong, in addition to telling her daughter with her own actions, only said one sentence: "I am waiting for you at school." ”
Sure enough, the daughter took her mother as an example, and after a year of hard work, she became her mother's sister.
The so-called education, in fact, is that the mother stands in her own position, do a good job, and the growth of the daughter has a direction.
3. Education requires a sense of ceremony
After their children go to school, many mothers will find out how important it is to develop good reading habits for their children from an early age.
Because I was a teacher, I began to develop my daughter's reading skills when she was very young. Starting when she would look at pictures, there was a fixed time every day, and we both picked a few books each, quietly and quietly, not disturbing each other.
Slowly, the daughter went from sitting for only a minute or two at a time to being able to read a book repeatedly for a long time.
Where there are children born to be what it is, it is nothing more than having a mother behind it to guide them day after day.
Education is perseverance.
The upbringing of girls is even more ritualistic and persistent.
04
Some time ago, I reread "Raising Girls" and noticed a very interesting question:
Try to imagine —
When you're old, with gray hair, leaning against the window, watching your daughter outside smiling and approaching you, what do you think she looks like? What do you expect her to look like?
After careful consideration, I found that every hypothesis could not be satisfactory.
The author of the book gives the answer:
"You can see the connection between the childhood you gave her and the power and qualities she has today.
When you leave, a good woman will go on living, and she will also teach you everything to her, to her offspring. ”
The meaning of a mother to a daughter should be this answer, you are her future, she is your past. What you taught her, she will also teach to her own children...
Raising a girl is actually very simple, it is the mother who grows into a towering tree in front of her.
In the process of growing the "big tree", the "seed" is integrated into the daughter's bone and blood, and when the "seed" grows, it will then move in the direction of the "big tree", comparable or even surpassed.
If you say that parenthood is a practice.
Then, the process of raising a girl is also the process of self-cultivation of the mother.
Click to watch, and encourage with your parents.
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