The famous American social psychologist Elliott Aronson designed an experiment: he had some contestants participate in a speech contest, and the competition was fierce. Two of them are talented and almost on par, and the rest are mediocre in ability. One talented contestant accidentally spilled a drink near the end of his speech, and one of the mediocre contestants also happened to spill the drink.
Experimental results show that people who are talented and have made small mistakes are more attractive, those who are talented but have not made mistakes rank second, and those who are mediocre but make mistakes are the least attractive.
There are two explanations for this phenomenon in psychology:
One explanation is that a person of extraordinary ability always feels insecure and unreal, and that people do not truly accept and like such images, but are distantly respected. Mr. Lu Xun once said, "All sacred and mysterious things are questionable."
Another explanation is from the perspective of people's self-worth protection. Usually people prefer talented people, and individual talents are directly proportional to the degree of being liked. But there is a limit to everything. If a person is too capable, strong enough to make the other person feel that his humility and value are damaged, things will go in the opposite direction.
Instinctively, people will first protect their self-worth. Usually, it is impossible for one to choose an object that always sets off their incompetence and inferiority to like. On the contrary, if a person with superior ability can make some small mistakes, he can reduce this pressure, narrow the psychological distance between the two sides, protect the self-esteem of others, and thus win more love.
It should be noted that the "mistake effect" is conditional. That is, the person who makes mistakes should be people with extraordinary talents, and the mistakes they make are small and forgivable mistakes. In Aronson's experiment, the mediocre and errant man became the most undesirable. That is to say, even if people with mediocre abilities make small mistakes, they feel unforgivable.
As parents, we all hope to cultivate our children into capable people, and unconsciously put forward various requirements and emotional dissatisfaction for their children. For example, a child happily returns home with a 98-point test paper, but the adult sees it and says, "Why didn't you get a 100-point test?" This is what adults do is to ask their children to be a perfect person.
If a child develops a perfectionist tendency, a lot of problems will arise.
First, perfectionists put a lot of pressure on themselves.
They want to be perfect in everything, always comparing themselves to others and competing with themselves. At the time of the exam, your own score should be higher than others; When running a race, you have to reach the finish line before others; When you go to a party, your clothes are more beautiful than others. They are always asking for higher requirements for themselves, which will create a lot of pressure. Living in pressure for a long time, people are very painful.
Second, perfectionists create a lot of emotional problems.
The tendency to pursue perfection before doing anything will make them do a lot of preparation, and they will feel anxious because they are worried that they can't do it. They feel self-blame when they fail to reach their goals, complain when uncontrollable factors arise, and even develop emotions such as anger and jealousy towards those who surpass them.
Again, the socialization of perfectionists will also be affected.
Perfectionist-inclined people are not only very demanding of themselves, but also set high standards for others. They don't seem to look good at anything and have a tendency to behave as a good teacher. They like to teach others how to do it, and frequently say that church lowers their status in the minds of others, even making people feel bored and unbearable. They like to be picky and lack tolerance, which can easily displease others and affect the relationship between friends, colleagues and even family members.
Finally, perfectionists have a low sense of happiness.
Contrary to the perfection they seek, real life is always imperfect, or there is no real perfection at all. If a perfectionist has a strong personality, they will suffer more from self-defeat, low work efficiency, interpersonal relationships, self-esteem, etc., and will lead to some psychological diseases.
In family education, many parents inadvertently use their children as tools to achieve their utilitarian goals. Adults habitually impose adult consciousness on children and put forward many requirements for children, and their high requirements may lead children to form a perfectionist personality.
It is true to raise a good child, but it is not advisable to pursue perfection in everything. A good person who occasionally makes a little mistake will not only make him appear more attractive, but also make him learn to accept his imperfections. Being able to do this shows that his personality is more sound and his psychology is healthier.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.