Mr. Zhang posted a video on Douyin, and his daughter saw on the video that other children took a certificate of award to their parents for ten yuan, so she asked her father to make the same request. Mr. Zhang readily agreed, but he did not expect that his daughter had taken out more than 30 award certificates at once. It can be seen that Mr. Zhang is more proud and happy after spitting out his private money being hollowed out.
Netizens are very envious of Mr. Zhang's excellent daughter, and some netizens do not agree with Mr. Zhang's approach. Mr. Zhang's behavior is rewarding his children, and he hopes to make his children continue to work hard and become better and better in this way.
In fact, many parents motivate their children through rewards. From a psychological point of view, rewards are actually a reinforcement of a child's specific behavior.
According to the reinforcement theory of the famous American psychologist Skinner, people or animals will take certain behaviors to act on the environment in order to achieve a certain purpose. When the consequences of the action are in his favor, the behavior is repeated later; If unfavorable, this behavior will weaken or disappear.
Therefore, people can use this positive or negative reinforcement method to influence the consequences of behavior and thus modify their behavior. According to the different purposes and means of reinforcement, reinforcement is divided into positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement.
For example, some parents will tell their child that if his grades can improve by ten points, he will get 100 yuan. Children may learn very hard in order to get the reward of 100 yuan, which is positive reinforcement. Some parents will tell their children in order not to indulge in mobile phone games, if he does not finish his homework to play with the mobile phone, the adult will confiscate the mobile phone. In order to keep the mobile phone, the child may obediently write homework according to the requirements of the parents, which is negative reinforcement.
There is no good or bad reward method, it needs to be determined according to the purpose and effect, and parents should pay attention to several points in the process of rewarding their children.
First, we must use material rewards with caution.
Many parents like to give material rewards to their children. Children who improve their grades will give a certain amount of money, children who insist on playing the piano will buy gifts, and children will get something by taking the initiative to do housework. Over time, the child will think that as long as he has a good performance, he should be rewarded. If the adult does not reward in time or the child is not satisfied with the reward of something, he will choose to stop the good behavior.
In fact, the way of reward can be diversified. Before the child has developed a good habit, parents can appropriately motivate the child to keep working hard through material. After a period of time, you can convert the material reward into other rewards. For example, praise the child's character, praise his progress, and let the child get spiritual satisfaction from the sincere praise of adults. Once the child has experienced the sense of accomplishment and pleasure that what he has done to him, he will be more willing to continue to insist.
Second, don't reward anything.
There are some things that children should do, carefully complete the homework assigned by the teacher, tidy up their room, clean the hygiene of the house, take on some tasks when going out to play, and so on. For things within the scope of their duties, adults should clearly tell children that they will not give them rewards, but let them learn to be responsible for their own affairs and cultivate their character of taking the initiative to take responsibility.
Rewarding children for what they should do will shift their motivation to do things, and they will associate what they should do with the reward. Once the reward is withdrawn, the child becomes unmotivated. Especially when the child reaches a certain age, let the child understand that he should not expect to be rewarded for what he should do.
Third, reward is a means, not an end, parents should be patient.
The purpose of adult rewarding children is so that children can maintain good behaviors and correct bad habits. Rewards are just one way, and adults can't be impatient in the process. Although a child is sometimes eager to be rewarded, he may not be able to do the behavior that adults expect due to the difficulty of the task or other reasons. At this time, adults should not be in a hurry, let alone criticize children.
Even if the child can do it, it may be abandoned due to certain factors, and parents should be mentally prepared for these situations. If the reward method does not work, adults can actively try other methods. For example, adults and children work together to accompany children to progress; Adults lead by example and set an example for children; Motivate your child to progress and much more by participating in activities.
In short, no matter how we reward our children, our ultimate goal is to hope that children can progress and grow better. In the process of rewarding children, we must grasp the degree well, and do not reverse the priority and priority.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.