Do you have a "difficult" child in your family?
Let's take a look at this article.
- Uncle Kai
Text | Ren Pingsheng
Source | Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
Relative Linlin has a 7-year-old daughter,
It has always been quiet and well-behaved.
For example, when many children play together,
Her daughter always plays with her own toys,
Don't join the team, don't fight, don't grab,
Also very polite to other children.
Not long ago, I chatted with her once in a while,
She revealed that her daughter is difficult to raise, troublesome, and glassy.
Until I went to her house as a guest,
I learned what her troubles were.
When I got to her house,
Just when the child gets up during his lunch break,
She was helping her get dressed.
After putting the clothes on,
But the little girl said:
The label on the clothes is very ugly,
I'm going to change my clothes.
Changed into another piece of clothing,
She thought the color of the clothes was ugly.
So tossed to three or four pieces of clothing,
She only picked out the clothes she was satisfied with.
She told me:
Whenever the child tosses these things.
I'm actually going to be tired...
I told her:
"Well, it's normal, she just feels things we don't feel."
We have to admit,
There is a category of children who are really not the same.
Some children
Raise like "aliens""
The reason why I can understand the experience of neighbor Linlin,
It's because,
I already had this tangible experience.
My 8-year-old son,
Born with the label of difficult to raise.
Crying, introverted, reserved, more authentic...
Timid and delicate,
Always uncomfortable because of all kinds of details...
I am very concerned about the subtle temperature adjustment and the faint smell.
On this year's National Day,
Took him back to his hometown,
My cousin's children,
Soon play with other children,
But only my son, always snuggled up to him.
No matter what I said, he wouldn't let go.
At night, the relatives make the bed,
But he felt that the sheets smelled,
Wear your own coat to sleep no matter what.
Cousin joked:
Boys can't be so arrogant.
He felt that his cousin was criticizing, and his eyes instantly turned red.
His family thinks he loves to cry, nervous, and has a lot of things.
He was considered a particularly difficult child to carry.
But I know,
He is also attentive, kind and considerate...
Softened down and made people feel like little angels.
Five years ago,
I consulted all kinds of child rearing materials,
Understand the difference between your children:
It turned out that I had a highly sensitive child.
What kind of children are highly sensitive children?
First, the body and mind are easily stimulated.
Extremely sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes, etc.,
Pay special attention to details that others can't see,
Love to nest in your own world.
In the new environment, there will always be inexplicable tension;
Still a perfectionist,
Sometimes it makes the people around them miserable.
Second, it is easy to think more.
Because of the sensitivity and delicacy,
A bit of a trade-off
Very sensitive to the use of words, expressions, and body language for other people's evaluations,
Insightful,
It is also easier to think too much, drill the tip of the bull's horn, and appear stubborn.
Third, it seems quiet and slow.
Not as cheerful as other children,
Socializing is like a drain on them
So they seem quiet and taciturn in the crowd.
It takes a lot of time to be alone.
Fourth, empathy is strong.
Because it has a deep sense of sensitivity,
So empathy is also very strong,
There is also the emotion of collapsing at every turn.
Easy to immerse in works of art such as movies,
And was deeply impressed.
In this world,
About 15 to 20 percent of children are highly sensitive.
And for highly sensitive children,
This keen sensitivity is innate.
A study by American brain scientists showed:
There is an area of the human brain called the isula,
Responsible for integrating the inner state at every moment,
And this area of the highly sensitive is destined to be more active than others,
That's why they show stronger emotions than the average person.
In retrospect,
I grew up in that kind of difficult type.
And my parents,
I just think I'm sensitive and think a lot,
But I don't know,
I had many neglected memories in my heart.
It is precisely because of this growth experience,
After I had a baby,
I learned to observe the behavior of children,
Learn some about psychology and family parenting,
I want to improve my ability to recognize my child's emotional feelings.
Because
I know that this trait is another strength.
Children with high sensitivity
Also creative children
In fact
In our lives,
There are a lot of people who are engaged in creative work,
Such as poets, writers, painters, musicians, etc.,
In fact, they are all people with high sensitivity traits.
In the book "The Introverted High-Sensitivity",
He also listed in detail a series of talents possessed by highly sensitive people:
Caution, focus, self-exploration,
Creativity, good listening,
Analytical, independent, responsible, empathetic and so on.
You have to believe,
Because children are sensitive,
Born to absorb a lot of information,
So I will think more comprehensively and carefully,
The inner world will also be richer,
Be more creative.
In the movie "Angel Amelie",
Emily was a highly sensitive child.
She doesn't like to go out,
I just like to stay at home and pour all kinds of things.
She also doesn't like to deal with people,
I only like to observe all kinds of people through the window.
Everybody thinks,
Such a child will certainly not be able to adapt to society when he grows up.
But the truth is just the opposite,
Because of this sensitivity,
Instead, she can often capture everyday life.
Details that everyone overlooks:
The florist owner laughs with many fine lines at the corners of his eyes;
Photo album bald man repeated 12 times;
There was an old man in the window of the opposite building who was always drinking alone.
All this,
They all became the inspiration for her romantic life.
Because of the sensitivity,
She reached another universe that many people could not reach.
In the past two years, the singer Mao Is not easy to fire all over the country,
It is also a highly sensitive group.
Whether it is the "Dispel Sorrow" that first made him fire out of the circle,
Or the touching "Ordinary Day",
I am afraid that only a person with extreme good feelings can write such a heart-warming text.
Everybody said,
In his song I heard the heavens and the earth,
Hearing the beings,
Also heard myself.
He has been a good feeling person since he was a child.
She likes to record many experiences in her life.
fortunately
Music gave him an outlet,
Those feelings that settle down,
In the end, they all became lyrics that resonated with the public.
Sensitivity is a temperament
It's more about how to cultivate
Other words
Sensitivity is a temperament,
And it will become a weakness or a weakness or a strength for the child.
It all depends on the parents' parenting style.
If you have such a child,
When you let him grow slowly at his own pace.
The more the child is able to absorb the full strength,
The more you can play your potential.
Give your child plenty of time to observe.
When my son was in kindergarten,
Although not crying, not making trouble,
But I don't like to talk,
It is also rare to play with other children.
I think he must be observing.
It will be fine after a while.
really
Waited for half a month,
The son has changed,
Started happily mentioning what had happened in the kindergarten.
For highly sensitive children,
They always need more time to accept new things.
So the excessive urging of parents,
In fact, it will bring pressure to children.
We can give the child enough time first.
Let them observe after that
Feel safe enough,
They will act.
Guide your child to turn sensitivity into talent
Just last week,
I cook in the kitchen,
The child's father is tuning his own piano in the living room,
The child's grandmother hummed a little song on the balcony and sewed the insoles.
My 8 year old son was in his bedroom when I walked in.
Suddenly said to me:
Everybody is doing their own thing,
Accompanied by sunshine and breeze,
I really like the feeling!
This is what makes highly sensitive children special.
They have their own power.
It is precisely because of this sensitivity,
He knew the beauty of this moment.
If he can keep this feeling alive,
Can also be in adulthood,
Sublimate something more powerful.
You can learn to guide your child to recognize your emotions.
In "The Wife's Romantic Trip",
Cai Shaofen was busy talking to her eldest daughter,
I didn't notice that the little daughter was shouting "Mommy" all the time.
The little one feels neglected,
I began to be aggrieved.
Cai Shaofen gently patted her daughter's back and said softly:
"I know you're not happy, you cry."
The little girl cried for a while, and her mood seemed to be more relaxed.
Cai Shaofen asked her daughter again: "Are you comfortable?" ”
The little daughter replied, "I'm comfortable." ”
Some highly sensitive children,
Because I am too young,
I can't deal with my various feelings.
This requires us to help children recognize their emotions.
Accept his emotions.
This will let her know:
Oh, that's how I felt.
It turns out that it's not a big deal to have this feeling.
Take your child to know the outside world and develop a spoiled personality.
For many sensitive children,
When encountering some small criticism, it is overreacted,
It is likely that there are fewer "controls",
He thought he was the only one who was treated this way.
So
Parents create opportunities for their children to be with different types of friends,
Let the child see various scenes,
He will know:
It's normal to make a mistake and accept criticism.
Other children will experience such criticism,
And I also have the right not to accept criticism,
It's all normal, not a big deal.
Seen enough,
Slowly, you will develop a spoiled personality.
In the book "Discovering the Power of Sensitive Children", it is written:
"Once their inner world begins to flourish,
They will try to overcome their shortcomings. ”
Our children,
It has its own unique rhythm.
Try to help him to play to his nature,
And so grow to a stage,
His unique power will bloom more and more charmingly.
Sensitivity is not a drawback
It can also be a kind of softness.
Do you have sensitive children in your family?
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This article is reproduced in Uncle Kai's Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi), which unites 40 million families, brings good hope to parents, and allows more children to have a happy childhood.