If you are a mother who has repeatedly won the Olympic champion in primary and junior high schools, the test results have crushed her classmates all the way, worked hard all the way from a small county town, graduated from a famous school like Beijing Normal University, settled in Beijing, and obtained a high-paying job, would you naturally hope that your children can also take such a road?
In the era when the Olympic number was popular all over the country, this was undoubtedly a bright road in the eyes of most parents.
This is also the life path of Shan Wei, the protagonist of this article, in the first half of his life, and he is definitely someone else's child. But when it came time to raise her own children, she said: I don't want my children to live such a life, such a successful path, not as good as everyone thinks.
Shan Wei is from a county-level city in the northeast, after becoming a mother, in the "learn the Olympic number - participate in the cup to get a good rank - Xiaosheng was admitted to the good school at the beginning of the year - into a good school - into the key class" of the national Olympic fever, but did not let her son jump on the Olympic number class, nor to go to the subject cram class, but after finding that his son prefers sports, fully support the child, the subject tuition time is taken to the child to participate in his own favorite sports.
What did she think? Will you regret it later?
The following is Shan Wei's sharing.
01
Become a champion of the Olympiad,
Not as good as everyone thinks
In 1977, when the state resumed the college entrance examination, I was born in a family of ordinary teachers and workers in a county-level city under yanbian Korean Autonomous Prefecture in Jilin Province.
When I was in the first and second grades of primary school, my test results were not very good, other children all scored 100 points, and because I was sloppy, I often could only take more than 80 points, all of which were wrong in some very outrageous places.
Since the third grade, the teacher will occasionally send a particularly difficult math paper, and others can't answer it, but I answer it well. From the fourth grade, students with better grades on this difficult paper will participate in math competitions. I was given the opportunity to participate, and the results were ok but I didn't win the prize.
My dad bought a book to do with me, and by the fifth grade he was sixth in the city. Later, our Forestry Bureau organized seven or eight children with better rankings in the competition, found a special teacher for free training, and in the sixth grade, I was admitted to the first place in the city in the math competition.
This competition is called "Hua Luogeng Gold Cup", which is famous throughout the country. Later, I learned that this competition is the largest, most formal and most difficult Olympic number competition in the primary school stage in China.
The first in the city has changed a lot of things. When I was in the early years of my junior high school, I was supposed to go to the Second Middle School of the Forestry Bureau, and I had already gone to report, but in the best middle school in the city, two of the first-year class teachers contacted my parents to let me report. Later, I went to a middle school, where a math teacher was a class teacher.
In junior high school, my comprehensive test scores were still very average, and I was not very good at memorizing everything. Although science is not difficult, but because of sloppiness, often can only take a dozen exams, the results are up and down. However, I have always been number one in the city in math competitions.
Until the third year of junior high school, the class teacher approached my parents and said that I was afraid that I would have to prepare to repeat the school, because only four or five people in a class in our school could enter high school, and my comprehensive grades did not look good. I don't know if I studied seriously or for some other reason at that time, my results were raised near the middle school entrance examination, and then I was successfully admitted to high school, and the middle school examination results could rank fourth in my high school class.
Many people say that I am lucky, in the context of education in China, everyone generally feels that as long as a child learns well, it is about equal to everything, and this child must be very proud.
But I'm not, being a math competition champion isn't as good as everyone thinks.
I had low self-esteem for a long time. I don't think I'm good at anything but studying well: I'm not pretty, sports aren't prominent, and I don't have any literary programs. In my heart, I actually envy those who are versatile and can sing and dance, extroverts who can chat, who can host shows, and who sparkle in the crowd.
I've also tried to go on stage to perform a show that attracts the attention of the crowd, but it's very strenuous and uncomfortable.
On the contrary, for the exam, I did not necessarily work harder than other students, nor did I have to work hard, but I could get a high score.
Although I am still happy with the math test, when I see the colorful special skills and lives of other students, I will feel ashamed of myself and feel that my life is really too monotonous and boring. My life value is too single, it seems that there are only achievements, is this my life?
02
The first college entrance examination in the city was admitted to Beijing Normal University, and the master's degree got the quota of Guanghua public funds of Peking University.
I'm just a guy who's good at exams
After I went to high school, I was the first in the class on the first exam, and then I was in the top three in the class throughout high school.
At that time, every few years, one of our schools would be admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University. In the year of my college entrance examination, the school applied for Peking University for another male student, and gave me a report to Beijing Normal University, but I did not expect that when I took the college entrance examination, I played better than before, and I took the first place in the city. The boy was not admitted to Peking University, but my grades were enough to go to Peking University, but I was still admitted to Beijing Normal University in advance.
When I received the notice from Beijing Normal University, I was also very indifferent. With what I know about myself, I take it for granted.
After graduation, I worked for a year and went to Peking University Guanghua School of Management for a master's degree. After a few months of preparation, the class was one of 80 people with only 8 publicly funded places.
After graduation, he successfully worked in a large financial institution and settled down in Beijing to become a financial practitioner.
Being good at exams has allowed me to become a beneficiary all the way in an educational environment where grades are used as an evaluation system, but I have always had an inferiority complex in my heart.
I have a sister, the same family environment, there is no huge difference in educational methods, I can see very clearly, she worked harder than me, but she took the exam twice, the college entrance exam twice.
But she has a lot of advantages that I don't have. For example, high emotional intelligence, many people like her. In my heart, I also envy her, she can bring warmth to others, and she likes what she does, which cannot be obtained by exams, salaries, and other external things.
I'm just a guy who's good at exams, and apart from exams, I don't know what my love for life is, and the happiness in life is not strong.
I always feel that people need something other than grades to support your life.
At that time, I thought that if I had children in the future, I must create conditions for him to find things that he really liked, and these things could become the foundation of his life, and had nothing to do with external conditions such as academic performance, college, and salary, so that he could live happily.
03
Let my son who is in elementary school do the Olympiad problems,
The result?
In 2006, my son Bundy was born.
Like I said earlier, I believe that every child's talent is different. At the beginning, I also enrolled my son in a lot of interest classes, hoping to try more and find his interests. Painting, piano, taekwondo, hip-hop, roller skating, basketball... To judge whether a child likes it or not, my criteria are simple: he is willing to take the initiative to go up.
Before elementary school, all the time spent bouncing was spent in these interest classes. Bouncing was very prominent in sports classes, and he liked it himself. According to my observations, there is some talent in bouncing in sports.
We lived in the urban-rural area of Chaoyang District, Beijing, and when we arrived at elementary school, We went to school at an ordinary public primary school near our home.
At that time, the popularity of the Olympic number was still very high, and entering a good school through the Olympic number was still pursued by everyone.
I am the beneficiary of the Olympic number, and I know very well that if the child has the advantage of the Olympic number, the small ascension is definitely very competitive, which can make the child jump out of the normal promotion channel. At first, I still had hope for him: I had such good results in the Olympics, and I should also have a little talent in the Olympics.
I don't think at my level I need to enroll him in the Olympiad class. I bought a few Olympiad books, and when I had time, I took him to do problems, and I could probably understand his level.
Bundling is not bad, the understanding of abstract concepts is very strong, and most of the Olympiad problems are easy to understand.
However, he has no enthusiasm for the Olympics, will not take the initiative to do it, does not have the sense of happiness of solving a problem, and does not have as strong a sense of gain as he has in sports.
My observation and perception is that children are quite smart, but if you want to win the olympic numbers like I did back then, or achieve the top few, it is basically impossible. We don't have to spend too much time and effort.
After I figured it out, I didn't ask for a number problem.
Since the third grade, because of the time allocation of the interest class, the Olympiad problems have been squeezed out of the schedule and completely abandoned.
To be honest, as a person who has come to the Olympics, I think most people on this road are accompanying runners. I was also quite surprised that everyone's interest in running with them was so high, and I thought it might have something to do with my parents who had not participated in the Olympiad themselves.
Now that we've given up, what do we do next?
04
On the basketball court,
I saw happiness and enthusiasm on my bouncing face
I enrolled Bounce for various interest classes, and after trying them extensively, Bounce showed a special love for basketball lessons: he took the initiative to ask to go to class frequently, and he excelled among the children.
He is fast, coordinated, flexible, especially dare to grab, never instigated in the face of strong opponents; in addition, the overall view is good, can well distribute offensive routes, organize attacks, and show a good talent for organizing defenders from an early age.
Perhaps because of these advantages, he has gained more display and a sense of achievement in basketball, and he is more willing to spend time on basketball. Roller skating, taekwondo, hip-hop... One by one, he gave up.
Later, when I learned violin in the band of elementary school, I also hired a tutor for him, bought more than 10,000 violins, and practiced until the first year of junior high school because I had to train basketball. I am particularly sorry, but I still respect his opinion.
After the third and fourth grades, except for an online English class, basketball occupies almost all of the after-school life. Train three times a week for an hour and a half at a time, and he doesn't want to go each time.
As a mother, every time I look at his look on the basketball court, that kind of dedication and happiness, one is that I think my son is really handsome, and the other is that I really think he is particularly happy, and I think that I must help him maintain this happiness.
Bundy jumped to participate in the national competition for the first time from the age of 7, and when he was 8 years old and 9 years old, our whole family accompanied him to Harbin to participate in the national competition. At the age of 9, he was almost in the same age group as a workhorse.
What impressed me the most was the growth that bounced in these two years of competition. From the first year of the substitute to the second year of the absolute main force, he led the whole team to fight three games, and finally experienced a sudden death penalty shootout, resisting the pressure of the whole field, locking in the victory, and then shaking his fist with his right hand and raising it high, "I am super strong!" ”
At that moment, I burst into tears. I believe that the experience and achievements and happiness that such children have gained in sports are irreplaceable.
Playing regularly, there are "side effects".
Bungee is actually not very tall among peers, but because of frequent exercise, it looks particularly energetic. When playing, other parents always come up to me and say, "Oh, that's your child?" Practice really well, how long have you been practicing? ”
At this time, my heart also quietly blossomed. I know I'm going to give my kids my full support in doing this.
05
Sports students failed to go to school,
We are not lost
At the age of 10, Bundy participated in the basketball game in Chaoyang District and won a championship. Then he was selected to join the echelon of the basketball team of a key middle school in Chaoyang District (call it School A), which is to send team members to the A school team in the future.
In the previous few years, the better performers would go to this school with sports talents, so the basketball team of this school is very strong, and they also want to jump.
At that time, the performance of bouncing in the team was still relatively prominent, and we were very hopeful that we could enter his favorite school through his hobby. I support him very much, on the one hand, it is true that from the current evaluation system of Xiaoshengchu, bungee jumping is very uncompetitive, first of all, good grades, but also three good students, these bungee jumps can not be reached.
But in fact, more importantly, I see the talent and enthusiasm of jumping on basketball, and I hope that he can always have such a stage to show himself, give full play to this talent, and always maintain this enthusiasm in life, and he will also live happily and with a sense of value. In my vision, like the kind of university in foreign countries, sports team students usually attend classes normally, but they can still maintain the training of sports.
As a result, in the year of the first year of the jump, the admission of all sports students in Beijing was canceled.
Then we will go for the normal application. Wrong, we got the admission notice of another key middle school in Chaoyang District (call it School B). In fact, in the eyes of many parents, School B is a better school. But in my opinion and Bunding, the evaluation criteria of this school are more focused on academic performance, and the school basketball team is not very good, and it is not our ideal school.
Since he was admitted, He jumped to school B. The school is indeed very strict with learning requirements, and students have to attend classes and write homework most of the time.
Bundling also encountered challenges, needed to re-recognize and adjust themselves, and needed to spend more time on learning.
When he first arrived at School B, he took more than 30 exams, and there were only 40 people in the class. But last semester was already fifth. Long-term participation in sports and competitions has allowed him to develop a good self-management ability, know how to face difficulties, and I am not worried about his academic performance at all.
Last semester, I took my classmates to play basketball games, not to mention the scenery in school. He is the class sports committee, usually the physical education class training is basically the first place, and now he takes everyone to run and sprint every day, and is the sports all-around champion with no suspense in the eyes of teachers and classmates.
Basketball is played well, there are many friends, and someone always asks him to go to play together. Usually, the school teachers feedback that the children have a good personality and are very popular among their classmates.
Although he is now in his third year of junior high school, he does not have time to participate in varsity training, but he will also play with his teammates. The daily state is still very good. This is something I'm particularly happy to see.
My parenting view:
I hope that the child will be a useful person, self-recognized, and love life.
Many people have asked me, are you a graduate of Peking University, or an Olympic champion, do not want to use your own resources to push your children and let your children be admitted to good schools?
After experiencing famous school study and high-paying work, you will know that all this is not as beautiful as it once seems, and these do not mean that a person will live a state of vitality. A person's good state does not come from the outside, but from the inner recognition of themselves, a sense of value.
Moreover, what a child who graduates from a prestigious school will look like in his future work and life is not positively correlated. I have met many children who graduated from famous schools in my work, the top 2 in China, and many times their abilities are not able to meet the requirements of the job.
I rarely participate in the chicken environment around me, and I think it is more important to know my children.
The experience of raising children has taught me that being a parent is not about shaping your child according to your own plan, but about providing the conditions to discover your child. Every child, given the right conditions, will play out his talents and grow up to be what he should be.
My expectation for my child is that I can be a useful person, can self-recognize, love life, feel that life has a head, and I think my child will be happy.
As a parent, all I can do is provide my child with this kind of thing that forms self-recognition and allows him to love life. There is no need to force the child to be stronger than most people in a project, as long as he finds a project that he is relatively good at, so that he can grow and achieve a sense of achievement in it, he can find his position in the society with this relatively good project, which is worthy of parental support.
Write at the back:
Shan Wei is a sober person, and her story looks a bit Versailles: she has what everyone dreams of but is difficult to get: high INTELLIGENCE, good mathematics, easy to get into a prestigious school, high salary, is simply a winner in life, but says that these things are not so important. Have you ever thought that these things may not really be as important as we think?
Shan Wei is also a person who knows the unity of knowledge and action, knowing that external recognition is not so important, and in the process of raising children, she really puts down the Olympic number and fully supports children to do what they like.
Because she does not want to raise a "test tool person", but to raise a real living person, not only the meritocracy, but to have their own love, live their own life.
She has raised happy children with practical actions. When we really aim for happiness, see children, let go of anxiety, and not be coerced, it is not so difficult.
-END-
Written and edited by: Lamb
Duty Editor: Small