Per reporter: Wen Menghua Ding Zhouyang Per editor: Dong Xingsheng
The outside world adds a lot of "shoulds" to the thirty-year-old, including marriage.
In 2010, the first batch of "post-80s" crossed the age of thirty. The TV blind date show "Do Not Disturb", with the post-80s as the main guest, turned out to be a phenomenon-level hit. A female guest's statement that "I would rather sit in a BMW and cry than sit in the back seat of a bicycle and laugh" set off a heated discussion among the whole people.
By 2022, the first batch of "post-90s" will wave their hands when they are called "young people": "Not young, all thirty.".
The "post-90s" who were established in the year of establishment have become the main group of marriageable people.
Compared with the post-80s generation, Chinese, who were born in the 1990s, grew up in more favorable material conditions, and the overall level of education reached an unprecedented height. Their parents and grandparents may have been forced to choose between bread and love, and what kind of marriage do they want when they have never worried about bread?
Image source: Per reporter Zhang Jian photographed (data map)
The rise of female power
become a key factor in changing the blind date market
Since 2011, China's fertility policy has developed from "double one and two children" to "comprehensive three children". After more than 10 years of transmutation, "let me not let you have children" is no longer a problem, but instead "do you want to have children" and "how to raise when you are born".
According to the "China Statistical Yearbook 2021" released by the National Bureau of Statistics, the national population birth rate in 2020 was 8.52 ‰, a new low since 1978; the number of marriage registrations of 8.1433 million pairs in 2020 also hit a new low in nearly 17 years.
Are contemporary young people really reluctant to marry and have children?
This was also the "myth" of Yang Liang, vice president of Station B and chief planner of programs such as "After the Wave". Immersed in the young people's community every day, he found that this is actually a stereotype.
With 400w fans, B station food UP master Daxiang Brother, sent out his own marriage proposal video, instantly topped the B station list; earlier, B station science and technology district UP master Liu Wen on the B station "cloud wedding", more than 3 million "cloud relatives and friends" and "cloud guests" online viewing ceremony, received more than 100,000 bullet screen blessings.
Image source: DaXiangge Weibo
Within the B station company, young people's eagerness for marriage and love topics is more direct. "Many of the employees of Station B are post-90s and post-95s, and they often post blind dates on the company's internal website." In an exclusive interview with the "Daily Economic News" reporter, Yang Liang said, "Talking about rejecting marriage and love is often a kind of catharsis, and in essence, their demands for marriage and love are still very strong." ”
The pursuit of freedom while the desire for emotional companionship is the code engraved in the human genome.
In 2010, after the 80s into the 30s, "Do Not Disturb" was broadcast; now, after the 90s into the 30s, Yang Liang believes that there is also a market for doing a "blind date program" that expresses the concept of marriage and love after the 90s. And in a decade, the key factor that changed the blind date market was the rise of women's power.
Ten years ago, in "Do Not Disturb", male guests stood in the spotlight, had a round of opportunities for self-expression, and made choices for the favorite women in front of them, while female guests could only have a chance to speak in the part of being selected and raising their hands to ask questions. Yang Liang decided to reverse the model of "Non-sincere Do Not Disturb" and make a young people's blind date program based on the female perspective - "90 Marriage Agency".
Image source: Official poster
"From the logic of the program, we will fully display the image and personality of a woman in a single program, and the presentation of boys will be fragmented." Yang Liang said. In terms of the recruitment of female guests, the "90 Marriage Agency" program group first requires applicants to be single, age-appropriate, and have expectations for marriage and love, and secondly, try to choose different regions, professional backgrounds and personalities.
Most of the female guests who finally appeared on "90 Marriage Agency" were independent, mature and excellent. Their speculation and expression are direct and fluent, and their social skills, self-identity, and self-awareness are completely different from the female guests who stood on the stage of "Do Not Disturb" ten years ago. "The whole social trend is like this, and women's values have changed dramatically compared to a decade ago. If we want to present something new, then the new changes in the female group must be focused on. Yang Liang said.
Young, single and financially independent
Great freedom overwhelms the loneliness of being single
Among the popular literary and artistic works, there are hidden social trends. Turning over Qiong Yao's novels, there is no shortage of heroines who live for love and die for love, and they can completely give up their egos in love. At the time, it was a best-selling genre, but in the present, I am afraid that it will become a box office poison and be madly complained about by the audience as a "love brain".
The love brain of "love is greater than the sky" is definitely not the mainstream of young people now. "Is love and marriage just needed?" Whenever a reporter asked this question, many people flatly denied it. Although they yearn for marriage, marriage is not a necessary topic in life.
When Zhu Yuxuan, 26, appeared on the stage wearing a simple but extremely body-testing white dress, the barrage was full of surprised sighs. She also has a label on the show – "Mother-Fetal Solo" (Maternal-Fetal Single) with zero love experience.
Image source: Screenshot of the video of "90 Marriage Agency"
Studying abroad alone, going to the hospital alone, and traveling alone, this year is zhu Yuxuan's tenth year of living alone. She wanted to try different jobs, to live in different cities, to dive, to travel, and to do whatever she said. "I can suddenly want to go wherever I want, buy a plane ticket right away and leave." She told reporters that young, single and independent economic ability, great freedom overwhelmed the loneliness of singles. "So it's cool to be single, it's always cool to be single, and it's always been cool to be in love."
"Just when the opportunity of the blind date show is in front of me, I just want to go out of my comfort zone and try, for the intimate relationship thing, I need to try it a little bit, at least some of these experiences in my life." 」 Zhu Yuxuan came to the show with such a mentality, "Love is like buying a lottery ticket, if you don't buy a lottery ticket and don't win the lottery, it's normal." ”
Liu Mengzhu, who grew up in an advertised harmonious and happy family, has a vision for love marriage. But for the 28-year-old, "love is the icing on the cake, never the first", and marriage is not "just needed" in his future life plan.
"Air and water are just needed, I don't breathe a day, I don't drink water for a day and I will die, love is not air and water, and falling in love is not my just need." 」 Liu Tianyang, a 23-year-old male guest from Shanghai, also told reporters.
There is no need to measure yourself by other people's time
"Punctuality" marriage and childbearing is not a KPI that must be completed
"Too strong woman, can't control", "Excellent is not the reason why you are single?" ”
The 34-year-old Fu Bang is a post-80s, with good looks, ability and attitude, not only in the work of full achievements, life is also arranged in an orderly manner, has traveled to more than 20 countries.
But 34 is still single, is not too good? Such doubts are often felt by Fu Bang. "When they say that, it seems that excellence is a mistake."
"Gender aside, each of us will want to be with better people. Life is basically a lonely life, before I meet that person, why don't I be a better version of myself and accompany myself? Excellence is an objective fact of mine, and I don't shrink back to what I don't like in order to find someone. Fu Bang said in an exclusive interview with every reporter.
In the traditional concept, Fu Bang can be regarded as an "older leftover woman" who has been single for three years. Whether it is life and work, or love, Fu Bang always has its own rhythm.
When I was in college, many people felt that they had to hurry up and graduate and work, and Fu Bang studied a five-year major; when he graduated from college and was ready to go abroad, there were many voices of opposition around Fu Bang again. At that time, her father had said something to her. "Everyone does what they want to do in their own time zone, morning and night are not defined by others. There is no need to measure yourself by other people's time, and there is no need to break your own structure because of other people's expectations. ”
When the outside world mentions "what age to do something", Fu Bang will ask: "If this person did not do that thing at that time, then what?" Will it die? In the past, when I was studying, female classmates went to the toilet together, and then someone said I wouldn't go, what would happen to this person who didn't go? It won't be too much. ”
In Fu Bang's view, whether it is with the current or alone, it is a way of life that he chooses. "Just like playing a game, many people will play the universal mode, but I want to play the mode I set, others will find it difficult, but I experience it brings me more different joys of life." 」 "I don't feel like I have to put a label on myself to say what caused me to be single, it might just be a matter of luck. I'm quite happy with my current single life and ready to welcome the arrival of the other half. ”
"They don't have that strong sense of age, which is different from previous blind date shows." Yang Liang concluded, "They don't see blind dates as a time-saving path to get married, but to come and see, try, get to know some people, and seek a better start." ”
Every festive season "is born"
Cracking can not afford to grow, can not afford to raise need social cooperation
Many young people crave intimacy, but they don't easily get into marriage, and many young couples are reluctant to have children after marriage. This is not only the plot of the TV series "Thirty Only", but also the current reality.
The older generation once said that having a child is just adding a pair of dishes and chopsticks, and how much pressure can there be on multiple children? This kind of thinking is absolutely outdated.
"Guangming Daily" previously reported that in the survey of 2905 unmarried urban youth aged 18 to 26 years old, 34% of young people no longer think that marriage is a matter of course; nearly 30% of the young people surveyed have never been in love. Further analysis found that women's willingness to marry was significantly lower than that of men. Women said they were "not married" and "not sure if they would get married" accounted for 43.92 percent, 19.29 percent more than men.
There are many reasons for this. The high housing prices in first-tier cities, the rising cost of education, and the care of children in dual-career families are the practical problems that young people of the right age who are hovering at the door of marriage and childbearing have to consider. Young people don't reject marriage, but they don't marry for the sake of getting married; it's not that they don't want to have children, but they're more worried about the rising costs of parenting.
Image source: Photo.com
"After the implementation of the comprehensive two-child policy, a considerable proportion of families dare not have children, and the top three reasons are due to the heavy economic burden, the lack of children to take care of, and the difficulty of women to balance the relationship between family and work." Yang Wenzhuang, director of the Department of Population Monitoring and Family Development of the National Health Commission, publicly stated that the rapid increase in the cost of parenting is the main contradiction facing family fertility at present, and related economic and social policies such as education, housing, and employment have become the key to affecting family fertility choices.
Cracking the problem of "can't afford to be born" and "can't afford to raise" requires a combination of policies. In July 2021, the Decision of the CPC Central Committee and the State Council on Optimizing Fertility Policies to Promote the Long-term Balanced Development of the Population was issued, making major decisions on the implementation of the three-child birth policy and supporting measures.
Policies to encourage fertility at the local level have followed: Panzhihua became the first city in the country to implement birth subsidies; Beijing took the lead in implementing preferential housing policies, and multi-child families can give priority to applying for public rental housing... Up to now, many places across the country are successively implementing policies to support the birth of three children, involving the birth allowance subsidy system, inclusive childcare institutions and other fields.
Extended Reading:
Full of children and grandchildren are not as good as halfway couples?
"The biggest motivation for blind dates in the elderly is loneliness"
Behind the marriage and love variety show, there is the voice of the times worth chewing. In today's increasingly aging, the social problems reflected in the elderly blind date program are also worthy of attention.
Liaoning Satellite TV's "Choice of Love", Jilin Satellite TV's "Fate Is Not Too Late", Heilongjiang Satellite TV's "Blind Date and Love" three elderly blind date variety shows, which have been jokingly called "Northeast New Three Treasures". #How funny is the middle-aged and elderly blind date show ##Middle-aged and elderly hardcore blind date# and other topics have frequently triggered topics on social platforms, breaking the public's stereotype of the elderly group.
After being questioned, the female guests who participated in the show replied hardcore and domineering: "Not my dish, I am so frank!" "The unreliable uncle is no less than the unreliable guy" "If you want to look good, you are still looking for you?" ”
Image source: Screenshot of the video "It's Not Too Late"
Leng Bing, editor-in-chief of the Jilin Radio and Television Station's "Fate Is Not Late" column, told every reporter: "80% of the post-50s and post-60s are not exclusive of blind dates, and they are particularly brave, which surprises us." ”
The out-of-the-loop of middle-aged and elderly blind date programs is inevitable. According to the data of the seventh national census, the population of China aged 60 and above has exceeded 264 million, accounting for 18.70%. A survey conducted by the Institute of Gerontology at Chinese Min University showed that the older the older they are, the more likely they are to feel lonely.
At the moment of doing this festival, Leng Bing did not expect that the elderly blind date market has such a large demand. "Young people are blind dated, probably because of life, because of love or many other comprehensive factors, and the biggest motivation for the elderly blind date is loneliness." It is not that children are not filial piety, some work in the field for practical reasons, and some even if their children are around, loneliness lingers. There is a saying that 'a full house of children is not as good as a halfway couple', without emotional communication between peers, children and grandchildren around the knees may not be lonely, but may still be lonely. ”
"In one episode, there was an elderly man watching TV, and when the hero said something on the TV, he would follow the people and say a word, and the heroine would say a word, and he would also talk to people." Leng Bing recalled, "The winter in the northeast is long and cold, coupled with the epidemic, the living space of the elderly has shrunk to a house. There is an old man who can only walk in a circle in the living room, and the floor is trampled out of different marks. ”
Find a partner alone, but it's not that simple. The elderly have the desire to be accompanied, but it does not mean that anyone can. "What everyone values most is the personality of the other party, and the way people, speech and behavior, and hobbies are the most valued." In addition, the material basis must be considered, young people can also struggle together, two elderly people living together will face many problems. It's not that the elderly are 'material', it's a choice that has to be made in the face of reality. Leng Bing said.
Watching the lively northeast elderly dating program, under deep thinking, people are infinitely sighing.
As some commentators wrote: The uncles and aunts who are active on the stage of "Blind Date and Love" are still a minority after all. While we praise the courage of these uncles and aunts to bravely pursue love, what should be paid more attention to is to face the needs of marriage and love between middle-aged and elderly people. Acknowledge that middle-aged and elderly people also have the need and power to love and support their behavior of finding a companion in their twilight years. When people reach their twilight years, it does not mean that their lives are only left with eating, drinking, and waiting for death.
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