Hello everyone, welcome to No. 1 Poetry Alley, this issue of our content about original works.
A few days ago, in the appreciation column, The Poetry Lane shared a poem by Tang Yanqian's "Weeping Willow", and our lane friends have raised their pens and rhymes, including many endurance masterpieces.
Still in accordance with the old rules, we have selected four works in this issue to display. Through the works of others, we find our own strengths and weaknesses, and learn from experience to improve our own writing level, which is also the original intention and purpose of our output of original content.
Play with the poetry writing, everyone learns together, and makes progress together - the 17th batch of students in The First Poetry Lane is picked.
Attached original:
weeping willow
Tang Yanqian
Tripped up the spring wind and has no feelings, who in the world dares to fight lightly.
There is no reason to plant seeds on the banks of the Chu Wang River, and it is impossible to learn by starving and losing the waist.
Tang Yanqian's poem can be called "superior work" in many yongwu works, and the author almost does not write the word "willow" but writes it vividly and vividly, and there is also a unique expression in the realm, which makes people not only gain a sense of beauty after reading, but also think deeply from behind the content and rhyme.
Wing Liu
The dragon turns back
The spring breeze sends warm willows and amorous willows, and the flying ravines are full.
Biling thousands of plants are soft and thin, and it is difficult for delicate women to practice.
The poem "Dragon Look back" also sets the theme as Wing Liu on the basis of the rhyme.
I often emphasize that no matter what subject matter we write, our works must first be "stable" and deal with them well in content and logic.
The first sentence of this poem is still very good, the language is fluent and natural, and while directly pointing out the topic, it also personifies the willow and writes its amorous and beautiful.
Although the second sentence is also related to liu, "willow silk" is not chosen well, because the gap between it and the first sentence is somewhat large, and the meaning of the sentence is slightly dull.
The direction of the three or four sentences is correct, and the author further praises the willow tree's dancing posture. However, it is almost the same as the original idea, foothold and content, which is very minusing. If you don't point out the step rhyme "Weeping Willow", it is not obvious, but because of the step rhyme, the traces of the "depiction" of the bar are exposed.
It may also be that the author is limited by the original work in the writing process, in short, we must have some understanding, and try to overcome this in the future.
Winter plum
Yue Ran
The snow seals the mountain with unique feelings, and the delicate red number is proud and proud.
The spring wind is soft and the flowers are laughing, and the petals are wet and muddy.
The author of this poem chose the object of the chant as a plum blossom, successfully avoiding the possibility of having the reader involuntarily compare it with the original.
The first sentence borrows "snow" as a guide, and the second sentence simply describes the beauty of the red plum when it opens, and praises its arrogant spirit, and the context between the two sentences is still very close.
The last two sentences are the author's "associations", and the content is extended. Further singing the great spirit of plum blossoms for the spring breeze, pushing the realm up, is the highlight.
There is nothing wrong with the framing of this poem, and it would be better if the language organization could be more fluent and natural.
Reminiscences
Sycamore drizzle
Han Lai especially remembers the amorous willow, and the posture is graceful and green.
The most pitiful boat guest, after several thin dreams, it is difficult to achieve.
At the same time, the sycamore has kept the theme unchanged and the object image unchanged, but here the "chant" is carried out through "memory", which is quite innovative.
The author can associate "willow" from "cold", which shows his unique feelings for willow, the first sentence plays a good role in causing it, and the sentence follows smoothly to outline the "external" characteristics of the object.
It is commendable that the author completely got rid of the shackles of thinking in the original work, and in the last two sentences, he took a different path, if he described Yang Liu in a detached manner, and expressed the most representative emotions.
Yang Liu gulai is a powerful sustenance for parting from sorrow, and famous sentences such as "Yangzi Jiangtou Yang Liu Feng Yang Hua Sorrow Kills People Crossing the River" and so on all appear in the reader's mind.
The author's jump is very unexpected, adding a blind melancholy to come in, which has played the effect of seeing emotions from things and prolonging tastes.
This poem by Wutong Lane Friends can be called a work of heart, praise and praise!
willow
Strange on the cow
If the water is affectionate, it dances lightly with the wind.
There are no human species on the banks of the river, and every spring comes to its own path.
In this poem, Niu Kui also firmly grasped the feminine and feminine, tender and watery side of the willow, and first completed the copying in one or two sentences.
Spring and willow achieve each other, and the author also uses this to sublimate in the transition. "Unplanned" may be a bit contrary to reality, because willow trees are generally planted to grow, and unlike some grasses, they can reproduce on their own. However, the picture sense of this sentence is indeed very beautiful, coupled with the addition of the last sentence, narrow and does not hide its beauty, the whole rhyme is still quite impatient.
The works in this issue will be briefly shared here, and we will continue to write and display other topics in the next issue.
Starting from scratch, learning to write gelug poems together, we have been on the road; kung fu lies in accumulation, there is no best but to seek better, like friends come together.