Speaking is an instinct.
Some people talk and talk like a river; some people are witty and funny; some people believe in horses and are aimless; some people are silent and taciturn, and only a few words are spoken.
Different people have different art of speaking.
However, Zhu Ziqing told us: "Speaking is not an easy task, every day you talk, you don't necessarily speak." ”
As some netizens complained: chatting with people who can't talk can kill the sky and hold out internal injuries.
Since we can't learn zen buddhism's "hang your mouth on the wall" and forget to speak, then we can try to learn Confucius's words, that is, to speak slowly, to say less, and not to say what should not be said, which is definitely a great wisdom and the highest state of speech.
01
Don't talk, avoid saying too much and losing
As the old saying goes: "People who know do not have to say everything, leave people with three points of leeway." ”
Too many words will be lost, disasters will come out of the mouth, and too many words will often provoke the disaster of innocence.
Xu You, in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, once offered Cao Cao a surprise attack on Wuchao, allowing Cao Cao to defeat Yuan Shao.
But after the war, Xu You relied on his own battle achievements, drank and touted himself all day, called Cao Cao's nickname directly, and shook Cao Cao's juvenile absurdities everywhere.
Once, Xu You was talking nonsense again, which angered Xu Chu, who cut off his head.
In the face of Xu Chu, who pleaded guilty, Cao Cao only slightly reproached himself that he and Xu You were old friends, and Xu You's crazy words and wine were just jokes.
In fact, Cao Cao already hated Xu You to the bone, and he wanted to kill people with a knife.
There is also a saying in the "Disciple Rules": "Although there are many words, it is better to say less; but it is, do not be clever." "That is to say, it is better to talk more than less, to seek truth from facts when speaking, and not to use clever words."
Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching also tells us: "It is better to say more than to be poor, but it is better to keep the middle."
It means that the more people say, the easier it is to get themselves into trouble, and it is better to keep the words in their hearts.
Staff member Xiaomin is well aware of this.
Once, Xiao Min met her female boss in the elevator, looked at the boss's new clothes, and The straight-talking Xiao Min immediately said: "Supervisor, this dress you are wearing is too ugly, tomorrow I will take you to pick a more fashionable dress..."
The supervisor smiled, "Thank you Xiaomin, quickly show me your performance report in the next few days." ”
However, Xiao Min still did not understand the thoughts of his boss, and then said, "Supervisor, you are too old to wear this dress..."
Realizing that she had said the wrong thing, Xiao Min quickly explained to her, "I don't mean that you look old..."
However, the darker it is, the more it is said, the more wrong it is.
The boss still smiled and said, "I'll show me your business report for this quarter." ”
At this time, Xiao Min only closed her mouth. 2 minutes in the elevator, unusually long, the atmosphere is very awkward.
In the days that followed, colleagues in the company felt that the supervisor hated Xiaomin, so they began to isolate Xiaomin, and in less than two months, Xiaomin left her job by herself
We can see that negation can avoid mutual embarrassment in getting along, and it is also a sign for people to deal with the world.
Therefore, some people say that people who are truly wise and charismatic have always been "talkative".
02
Words, embodies empathy
Considering the other person's feelings before speaking, this is a gentleman's basic cultivation.
I still remember this story:
At a gala about cultural heritage, the organizers invited a cultural heritage inheritor to speak on stage.
This is a rural old man, he is very excited, on the stage chatter, non-stop for dozens of minutes.
The audience was impatient, with restless and even impolite boos.
However, Wang Han, the host who has always been good at saving the scene, stood still and did not interrupt.
After the party, some people protested that a good host should grasp the time and rhythm of the scene.
Unexpectedly, Wang Han said calmly: "The old man is estimated to have never been on such a big stage in his life, and there are not many people who have watched the party, so I can give the old man more to enjoy the most proud moments of his life." ”
In the utilitarian entertainment industry, Wang Han's words are a clear stream and warm.
There is a Tibetan saying, "Say a word, look at the faces of everyone present." Indeed, when speaking, you should consider the feelings of others, which is also the profound essence of Ne yan.
Manager A is in the company and is very popular with colleagues.
His appearance is average, and his work ability is ordinary, which makes me confused when I first joined.
Fortunately, it wasn't long before the mystery was solved.
On this day, Intern B made a mistake and was scolded by the general manager of the company.
The middle-level management of other companies did not dare to brush the face of the general manager, and they all said that B was not in place, and the tone was severe and full of blame.
Manager A also came over, and he first pointed out that B made this mistake, which was really not right, but also said that she always worked overtime in other projects, which would lead to such a flaw.
Know how to speak, learn to think in a different position, stand in the other person's point of view, speak well, exchange hearts for hearts, "good words and three winter warm", the degree of comfort you make others comfortable will eventually determine the height of your life.
03
Speaking of which, the timing is right
Confucius's "negation" does not require people not to speak, but to be able to say it casually, and must pay attention to the timing of speaking. If you don't say it when you should speak, you will lose the trust of others; if you don't speak when you shouldn't, you will lose your word.
An interesting thing is recorded in the Warring States Policy.
There was a Defender who married a new wife. As soon as the bride got into the carriage, she asked the driver, "Is the horse driving by her own?" ”
I learned that it was borrowed. The bride said to the drivers, "You can't whip them." ”
When they arrived at the bridegroom's house, the bride had just finished visiting the church, and instructed the old mother who was with her to extinguish the fire in the stove so as not to catch fire.
Entering the house, he found a stone mortar in the house, and immediately ordered someone to move the stone mortar under the window sill, because it would not hinder others from walking.
All the servants of the bridegroom's house whispered that they thought the bride was ridiculous.
In fact, the bride's suggestions are very good, her fault is that this day is the day she just got married, the timing is not right, she said when she should not speak, of course, it is a gaffe.
Speaking, like doing things, must know how to pick the opportunity and go with the flow, in order to maximize the benefits.
There is a computer doctor in the United States, after graduation want to find an ideal job in the United States, but because she is too demanding, many companies do not hire her, after a long time of consideration, she decided to apply for a job with the "minimum status", wait until the right time is not too late.
Soon after, she was hired by a company as a programmer, and although the job was simple, she did it meticulously.
The boss found that she could see the errors in the program, which was a competency that other program entry workers did not have. At this time, she said to her boss, "I have a bachelor's degree certificate." So, the boss gave her a job to match.
After a while, the boss was surprised to find that she could make many valuable suggestions, much better than ordinary undergraduates. At this time, she said to her boss, "I have a master's certificate." "The owner promoted her again.
After a while, the boss felt that she was still better than others, so he asked her for detailed talks. At this time, she said to the boss, "I have a doctorate certificate." ”
Because he had fully understood her abilities, the boss did not hesitate to reuse her.
The words of going with the flow can make a person play the best good cards and the bad cards better.
04
Write at the end:
Zeng Guofan warned us that we should not act arbitrarily and speak without our mouths.
In the "Poetry Daya Depression", it is said, "Bai Gui's defilement, Shang Ke Mo Ye, Si Yan Zhi Jie, can not do it." "That is to say, we can wear off Bai Gui's spots, but we can't take back what we have said, even if we apologize, it will be cracked, so we must be cautious and be careful."
Words, avoid words will be lost, chest has its own gully;
Ne Yan, embodying empathetic thinking, the heart is full of warmth;
Talk, do the timing fit, follow the trend to embrace the future;
After going through the world, we will understand that speaking is the highest state of speech.